Oct 22, 2015

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I'm going to start with the Ugly, state the Bad and finish off with the Good.
Because one is better left with a sweet taste than a sour one ya?

First thing today:

The Ugly: Walking downstairs to a long line pile of bile. ( Dr Seuss push over, Jamie's in da house) Thanks asshole Bear. Thanks for sharing.

The Bad: Having 20 minutes to get ready because well. . laziness. Pffhhhttt who needs hair on point anyways. It's what hair scrunchies were invented for. . hellooooo. ( yup, still in 'Back to the future' celebratory mode haha be jealous. )

The Good AWESOME!: Chauffeuring the young Miss to school and her sneaking back in the car to give Namie an extra ' I love you ' kiss. Heck ya, I'll take it! ( because we've now reached the stage where I seem to be embarrassingly 'old' in front of her friends, whom she's trying to be all cool and sh*t in front of.

Mid Morning:

The Ugly: A killer 15 minute abdominal workout class. 15 minutes of torture, I'm not lying. Why why why don't I have a six pack yet ??? Wth. .

The Bad: Asshole Ford company. I paid someone's bloody pay-check today. Freakin' labour was more than all else combined. Greedy bastards.

The Good: Scoring a free bottle of wine ( out of the 4 ) because I got a 'Senior Discount' (omg I almost fell off my chair when I saw that, both wanting to simultaneously laugh and cry. Apparently it's what they use to justify it on paper I'm told. Yeah well. . I'm the latter. sigh )
And how did I score that discount? Because my youngest daughter works right beside them and keeps them having to re-stock a certain wine. Which I introduced her to, which I had that liquor store source it out and bring in. Which she's now told everybody about it and one of these days her and I will not be able to buy a bottle because everyone will have gotten to it first. And that store is the only ones that carries that brand. Thanks, Kiddo :-P


The Ugly: Taking the dogs to their favorite dog park in Edmonton and being jumped on repeated by a *&#$ disgusting drooling HUGE dog and the owner doing jack shit to stop him. Hey Asshat! control your frikken mammoth of a dog already.

The Bad: Having to hold, hug and calm down the receptionist at the doc's office because some sketchy dude came in acting all weird. (she was recently caught in a robbery next door, dude holding up the pharmacy for oxycontin, judging by the receptionist's reaction today, I'd lay bets she has PST over) I walked up to the counter just before he came in because she was not reacting well to him. I watched him outside and he was acting very very weird. I'm not sure if both of us there made him change his mind but I tend to agree with her, he was up to something for sure.

The Good: Getting home and pouring me a glass from that FREE bottle of wine. Bahahaha free tastes better.

And as an wee little extra:

                                                               The Cheesy

Oct 16, 2015

This That and The Other Thing.

Well now, it's been a fair bit since I've ventured in and put words up on screen.
It's been an insane time the last 3 months, and I'm struggling to bounce back from it. ( Hey, I'm the first to say I ain't 20 anymore and I'm SO okay with that given the stoopidity and shittiness of that age but the trade off is it takes a body a tad bit longer to do anything from getting up in the morning to falling asleep to well. . anything and everything really. )

Anyhooo, here I am now and going to mouth diarrhea all over this post probably. I've had stuff stewing up in that nogin of mind going round and round, it's ready to jump the hell off that brain ride of mine.

Let me ask you this:
After you get up in the morning and that jolt or 3 of caffeine is coursing through your veins making you thank the coffee gods for that elixir how long does it take you before you hit up facebook?
I was having a convo with a pal of mine and I told her it's upwards of 2 hours before I amble in and have a looky see. Sometimes I even run out of time and it waits till geeze, I dunno, whatever time I get stopped again.
I know, right? Two hours?!
Yup. I'm all over the headline news ( although I do pick and choose what I read. ) But that inevitably leads to some science article that catches my eye. No, I'm not a scientist nor am I married to one but there is endless fascinating articles that feed the brain. Nary a day goes by where I don't learn something new or different or interesting.
I'm not saying I retain all I read, holy shit. . I'd be a freakin' genius if I did but I do love reading science stuffs for the most part.
So after my news/ science fill I move on to my emails. I trash 60 to 70% of what's in my inbox and go through the rest. Which is blogs I follow, twitter notifications, personal emails, bills blah blah blah.
By then it's breakfast time and I'd rather go through facebook on a full stomach than an empty one cause let's face it shall we. . sometimes it's hard to stomach what one sees there. Haha
And there you have it, the reason it takes me to long and sometimes not at all why it takes me so long to hop on to FB.
Cause I know you care about random shit and reasons of my life. *wink*

And so after pretty much after 4 or 5 months of doing nothing but walking ( trying to get my 10 thousand steps in a day. And I really don't care if you double or triple that, I've had the full of who I am to get those steps in. ) 
I am now back at the Rec centre getting my groove on and ohhh myyyy gawdddd just how badly did I need this. . ?!? As much as a regular ahhmenn constitution. Why hello there muscles, I'd forgotten how you thrive on what I give you.
I'm going at it a wee bit differently ( in the spirit of full disclosure it's been roughly 3 yrs or so since I've been a member of it. Long story that belongs in the past even if I did see the reason I stayed away for so long today. Meh. Done and over with.
Yeah so I'm not after killing myself with trying to keep up with the young hot bods in there. ( even if I can keep up for the most part HA Snap! ) I'm after changing things up, doing something different on any given day. I figure that will keep me interested and engaged.
Yeah. . you can high five me. I'm naturally brilliant this way. *wink*

Speaking of which one of those things is getting back on a pair of skates. Holy Mudder! says the ex-figure skater who has no sense of gravity anymore. Those jumps and spins are just not going to happen anymore sadly. Well not so sadly, I gotta accept what is my reality. I have zero sense of balance on skates now so I play the only way I know how now, I might not be able to jump and spin but I can pull a mean fancy foot work. And I'm okay with that.
Are we starting to see the current theme of this post?
Acceptance of one's self/capabilities/tolerance --> of which runs thin at times, another by product of aging. Gracefully for the bigger part of it but not so much at other times. Woot! Ohhh well, poop happens.

And don't get me started on the Aqua Fit I've also chosen to tackle. ( Hey cause if I'm gonna jump in the fire, Imma gonna do it with both feet flying and hollerin' at the top of my lungs. ( bitching about it kinda hollering lol  ) Tonight I'm sore right up to my underarms and it'll be a fight to even roll over in the middle of the night but I'll hafta give it my best shot cause when one's backside is numb from being on it too long in the prone position it's heaven to flop over on one's belly. Ahhhh that is gonna hurt. Yup Yup Yup.

This concludes the latest issue of < cue in the soap opera music >
'The days of Jamie's life'
( even if I haven't watch a soap opera in ohhh 25 years or so ) but I had to put that tune in your head and outta mine.
Ha ha  pffhhhtt

P.S. I guess I didn't mouth diarrhea so much this go round, eh? Hmmm maybe next time when I can formulate a proper bitch session, it seems I got off on one track. Or my brain was too tired to venture much past easy thoughts. Stay tuned for it at a later date.

Have a gooder, Peeps. I'm off to a much deserved epson salts bath.

Aug 6, 2015

On this that and the other.

On someone has WAY too much time on their hands:

I belong to a Rant and Rave page in my neck of the redneck woods. I have nothing against rednecks but throw a gamer in the mix with nothing but time on his hands and well. . 'Huston, we have a problem'.
Reader's Digest version:
I found a little well loved stuffie that belonged to what was probably a very sad sad little human being. So being the smart alecky I'm known to be at rare times ( Haha )  I posted a Rant and Rave on which I 'ranted' in the voice of the stuffie lamenting I was very sad to be lost from my family and 'raved' that a really nice lady (me ) found me and we were going on an adventure.
So basically in the format of what is expected on that page.
BOOM! I was instantly deleted.
I voiced my objection saying sometimes it's just about a little kid and their stuffie.  BOOM! I was deleted again. What followed was this interchange via email.
( I want points for holding back against this. . admin. . He is the gamer I am talking about who needs to probably get outside more. Or get a sheen of maturity on him. But he is the admin and I had to play the political game. Up to a point. )
Note: I deleted my last name and I changed his name to *Admin. ( which is really nice of me given I had the choice to name him whatever I wanted to. *wink*


  • *Admin
    Sorry that a little kid lost his toy but we do delete lost and found ads.

  • Jamie Provençal
    7/26, 11:53am
    It was a rant and rave, Alden. And I posted it as such.

    At times, you yourself veer so far off what is the rant and rave but as an admin you get pick and choose I guess.

    And you had NO business deleting the last rant. As it was just that, a rant. You have to take the good with the bad on your page, Mr. Administrator.

    Do you go deleting all posts about asshole drivers. No Do you go deleting all posts about ANYTHING that isn't business related. No.

    But hey. . you have control of the page. So. . control away.

  • Alden Gushnowski
    7/26, 11:55am
    I delete a lot of stuff. You should apply to be an admin if you think its an easy job.

  • Jamie Provençal
    7/26, 11:59am
    Did I say it was easy in any part of this correspondence?
    No, I did not. And no thanks.

    I did, however, make a point of saying there is no consistency on that page at any given time. And again, you should NOT have deleted my rant against your decision to delete my post. If famous people can read 'mean tweets' about themselves then the Rant And Rave page should be able to handle a rant against a decision made. It's a part of the nature of the beast.

  • Alden Gushnowski
    7/26, 12:01pm
    Sorry we are not able to meet your online Rant and Rave needs. We will strive to do better.

  • Jamie Provençal
    7/26, 12:05pm
    While I try to remain polite and state my case, you've changed the tone and colour of this correspondence by your last response.
    I can read sarcasm a mile away as I invented the language itself. Carry on your day with your extremely difficult job of policing the page and I shall continue on with the freedom of mine.

    Good day to you *Admin

  • Alden Gushnowski
    7/26, 12:06pm
    Thank you.

  • ***
  • The funniest part of it all is I did manage to connect the stuffie and it's VERY happy owner ( the cutest little 4 yr old girl with the biggest grin on her face )  back together via another fb site The next day on the Rant & Rave fb page someone posted a 'Huge kudos on the lady that cared enough to bring the two together again' to which many 'likes' were given. 

Here's the picture of the lost stuffie and the 'adventure' we went on.
Alls well that ends well but no thanks to the smart mouth little gamer needing a life admin.

On Facebook Statuses:

So given the absolute stupidity of people I come across as of late (and I really don't understand why this is happening to me but hey. . wine. ) I want kudos for not posting the statuses I want to on Facebook. My restraint is to be greatly commended. Truth be told I'd probably shock you all with what I would like to say and you all know me . . I always try the truth through humour.
And besides, there's enough stoopid and drama via FB, I am not adding to it. So I'll save you all and suffer the stoopid in silence.

On Memory. Or lack thereof:

iCal. (cell phone calendar app for you non iPhone people) I'm going to start entering the same event in 3 different time frames. I am constantly changing stuff. I'm either too damn lazy to get off the couch to do what I need to at the given reminder time or I'm no where near where I need to be to get it done.
Take for instant the 'fix up curry for Theresa' reminder. ( I have the authentic stuff I'm willing to share with my mother-in-law as she loves it as much as me )  Twice now, I've changed it and just as recent as a half hour ago when I was fighting the urge to nap. To which I won't. Nap that is. I'll be sorry for it when the clock chimes bloody midnight and I'm wide awake. So I've changed the reminder to tomorrow when I'll undoubtedly be miles away from that curry or I'll be involved in something else. Or I'll be napping happily away.
But again, why do I bother entering stuff in there?
Well. . because I have shit for memory and am unable to remember squat on my own steam. At least this way I eventually get to it by the 5th reminder change or a couple of weeks from now.

On a random awesome moment in a day:

Back story, Reader's Digest Version. - Brought my vehicle in to get fixed. Got a courtesy ride there and back from Alex.
Started chatting and found out he's going to propose to his boyfriend next Friday. ( and by the way the saying is true- All the drop dead flippin' gorgeous ones are gay, Alex is proof positive of that. )
I taught him how to say a line or two in french to his his soon to be husband as he is french like me.
Looks like he is going to incorporate into his proposal.
How awesome is that, I ask you :-D
Yeah. . that awesome!
Happy forever after, boys, wishing you the best from this day forward. xo

On the People of Walmart:

So not all 'People of Walmart' there are ahhhh different. < use your own adjective, I'm trying to be kind and it's a stretch at times Haha >
I was standing in line with a wee wisp of a beautiful older woman behind me. As I have this affinity for old people.
( I don't know why, I've always been challenged to 'turn their frowns upside down' and I happen to think they know wayyyy more than we do. So well. . Respect. )
I struck up a conversation with while I helped load her things onto the conveyer belt. Turns out she's going to be 90 years young in a couple of weeks. She's not happy about it, seems the number 90 isn't sitting well with her. But hey, here she here on her own steam and doing her own groceries.  Her husband is  a) still alive! and b) he's mostly blind & deaf from polio. No joke why this woman is self sufficient.
As I was leaving I turned to her asking if she would accept a birthday hug. Her face broke in a mile wide smile and holding out her arms she enveloped me in a hug only a grandmother ( in her case a great grandmother ) can.
Yup. I'll take that over a high 5 from someone half my age. Or my age. Or famous. Or infamous. Whatever.
Because within that hug were words that didn't need a voice and those are just the best kind. .

Jul 8, 2015

Open Letter to the idiot, you and life

Dear ( insert 'idiot' or 'you'  'life' - which ever applies )

Idiot: Instant karma- don't ya love it!  ( or in your case - hate it!) Ignore the stop sign, cut me off and get stuck behind that massive house the huge truck is hauling going 40 clicks an hour in a 110 click an hr zone. Have fun, you are at least an hour to where you need to go. Me? I knew of a short cut and I took it. Pffhhhtt, cya, wouldn't wanna be ya.

Life: Okay, so we're at somewhat of a standstill. I don't like it but I understand why. I'm not rushing the goal line but I'm a wee bit anxious to start driving that particular road. Sigh.
Oh well in the meantime. .

You: You WILL be okay, you hear me? When you get tired enough of fighting your demons you WILL strike back. Like the Empire. Yup, you gots it in you, I know it for a fact.

Idiot: the term 'idiot' is off the mark in this case. Narcissistic money grubbing piece of greedy trash is closer to the mark but I'm too uhhh Catholic to call you that.
I have one thing to say about this: I've waited years for the scales to be balanced and witnessing it is sure and a glorious thing. I don't wish you ill but I don't feel sorry for you either. Start scrambling, Sunshine, you are far from dying. Consider the outcome a sign from above cause I know I did.

Life: To the boy that broke her heart. . Don't throw what you know in your heart is right. Life is shorter than you think and goes by faster that you are prepared. If you do end up losing her I feel for you. She has the world to offer you. Take heed with her heart, crush it one time to many and she'll take it back.For good. Or she just might end up crushing yours when you finally decide you want in. I know you love her but right now I intensely dislike you for hurting her to that degree.

You: You are beautiful,inside and out. You just need to start believing. Yeah, I know. . it's not easy but anything worth in life rarely is. And guess what? You are worth it.

Idiot: To everyone out there who lives solely to please themselves dismissing the rest of us 'peons': try trading your shit for brains for a newer upgraded model or go find an uninhabited island somewhere far far away, live among yourselves. I am getting tired of coming across you people on a daily basis, really tired.

Life: Like my tag line on my blog says, ' Life is too short to drink bad wine'  Let go of what doesn't matter, embrace what does. Trust in the balancing of scales, believe in a higher power if that gives you peace. Take joy in the little things but don't sweat the small stuff.
And remember: do one thing a week that scares the shit out of you then run like hell! :-D

Google image

You: Send hellos my way. If you have questions, I'll answer them. If you want to 'talk' I'll listen. 
You can always count on me to call a spade what it is. . and sometimes, Sunshine, it ain't no rose.

May 25, 2015

Because that's how I roll

You say tomata I say onion. 
I'm different that way. 

Tell me if you've heard this before:

"My life is so. freakin'. great"
"I did this and that ,went here and there and I own many material things "
"I have purrrfect children/husband/house/neighbours/day/life"
 blah blah blah
 I usually last about 5 minutes in to this type of convo. My eyes glaze over and I'm mentally smashing my head against a brick wall. Or I'm watching the spider and the fly duelling it to the death. Or my attention is drawn to the man ( like watching a bad reality show)  picking his disgusting nose wondering if he got the gold.
Anything but this.
Yes your road is paved smooth, yes God is good, even if the only time you ever give thanks to above is when something good happens ( a pet peeve of mine but that's another post for another day ) Yes yes yes you are scads above peons like me.
Seriously though? Yawn. And I mean YAWNNNNN
Perfection - be it someone's dandelion free lawn ( how do those Martha Stewarts do it??! ) to competing against the Joneses - in my world takes way to much effort and time out of well. . life.
Come on over and check out my front lawn, ( bring coffee, ya? ) I have a mini jungle out there. My bees have pollenated the next four lawns over ha ha although I don't think my neighbours feel all that  appreciative about it. And if you know me in RL you know I'm the first to laugh at and take a wee bit of glory in my imperfections. Takes me off any pedestal others choose to live on. When someone like me is on terra firma one doesn't have far to fall already.
I'd rather all the twists, turns and sudden drop offs I've encountered in my time with the roads I've chosen and decisions I've made.

Below is pretty much me in the front row only reined back a wee bit otherwise I'd be those two combined. Woot!


I was talking to a friend about a situation she's currently struggling with, . the loss of a 2nd (3rd?) friendship within a year.
I maintain if you haven't lost a friend in the last year or so you aren't growing in any way, shape or direction. We change, we move on. What fed our requirements of a friendship then might not hold water now.
She'll eventually become more selective. . coming to understand quality over quantity. Time, my friend. . it adds a sheen of 'I don't give a shit' rather nicely.  :-)


A broken promise and a promise kept. That's what it took for me to walk away from a long term friendship. As in Rome, the friendship wasn't built in a day and the dismantling of it wasn't done in one either. Ties to unravel, baby steps in walking away with the hopes of minimizing the strife/drama/hurt. It took a year but I managed to walk away without a huge rift shifting anyone's foundations. Or at least, I hope.

I take pride in the promises I make, I come from 'my word is my contract' stock. We raised our daughters to be the same. So when I promised my husband I'd walk away if a promise made to me was broken  I made good and sure I held true to my word. (he had called it from the get go, I had argued it > this time was going to be different and well. . . you know where this is going. Yup. .it went all the way south.)
At odd times I get upset at myself for having given much more than I received. But that one's on me as we always had a choice, right?  Still though an unbalanced see-saw isn't much fun to play on when one keeps landing on the ground over and over. This last time was a hard landing, clearly it was time for me to get off and go home.
What was mildly surprising yet not really was the sense of relief and of freedom I experienced when I called it a day.
No pressures, no unbalanced expectations. . No regrets, no second thoughts.
Not to mention a very happy albeit surprised husband.


I was in conversation with an American from Utah a short while ago and it being a balmy 5 degrees Celsius outside ( 41 fahrenheit )  I shed my coat, it was warm outside with the sun shining near blinding a person from the glare off the mounds of snow.
"What is it about you Western Canadians the minute it hits 2 degrees Celsius you declare it 'T-Shirt' season??" he quipped.
Who's going to tell the weenie him shorts and sandals usually come out at 7 degrees. . ?


So yeah. . .Onion.
Because that's how I roll.  :-)