This,that and a wee bit of the other.

It's been forever since I've taken the time to gather the wool in my head and shape it into something resembling cohesive thoughts.
If it starts unraveling I might start rambling. Or mumbling.. . as long as I'm not drooling, right?
If I do start, drooling that is, be sweetheart slap a bib on me and leave me on my own planet till I zone back in. I come back. . eventually.

It's been that kind of day. Two steps forward, one back. Two forward and down on my ass I go. I don't know about you but I've reached the stage that laughing at myself when I trip and fall is far easier than berating myself.
After all I've only done it a few gazillion times already.

See?  I totally went off on a ramble. Ha ha    Hello, I'm back. ;-)

Cohesive thoughts. .

I was perusing some peeps on FB. Ahh bloody facebook. . .  a right time robber that site sometimes isn't it?
I had a little bit of it to kill yesterday. It's amazing how little time I actually have given I don't work outside the home. It drives me batty some days.
Uhoh, yup. . rambling. Back to point, Jamie.

So. .peeps/fb. Where the hang was I going with this??
Oh yeah. . I made the remark to myself that some people I know are quite lacking in ummm depth.
I find the news they share rather stagnant and repetitive. Same stuff, different day. While I like to expand my horizons, I understand it might not be for everyone but come on. . step outside your comfort zone. Try something new, like maybe uhhh talk about someone other than yourself? Try something other than selfies?  No, I really mean it. Please enough with the selfies already.
Perhaps show your warts a little because we all know how perfect a facebook life is. ( read: B.S. )
But then who am I to tell you what to do. It is your fb after all and if you want to be flat and two dimensional then I guess that's your prerogative.
Sigh.  but it's just it makes you so, how shall I put this. . yawnnn.
Feel me?
~~~~~

Do you have inner monologues with yourself?
No?
I do. ALL. the. time. Most actively when I'm fighting with myself NOT to wake up in the morning. Let me tell you, it's quite the argument that ensues when I gain a sliver of consciousness.
I give myself shit, I try to tell myself to shut up already but as I often do I don't listen.
I know. . frustrating right? Try being inside my head. On second thought, don't. You probably wouldn't be able to handle my thoughts and my processing them.
I'm not kidding.
Sometimes, however, my inner monologues are of great help. Especially when I'm dealing with the bottom of the gene pool, it's a knee jerk reaction to reach down to the depths of their levels and push them down further. After a good quick talk with myself most of the time I manage to just roll my eyes and walk away. Yup those pep talks have gotten me out of trouble many a time. Ha ha Whew!
However, in the spirit of full disclosure and to keep it real I have sunk down once or ummm twice ;-)

~~~~~

It's now over 2 yrs since that awful day I turned 50. I hid from the world, I moped in my bedroom for the better part of two days, I cried buckets & rivers then cried some more. It was not a good time and I sure as heck wasn't going down without a meltdown of epic proportions.
All what I went through all these years and I am slapped in the face with this awful number??  Even now looking at the '5' and the '0' together makes me cringe a wee bit BUT I can tell you that overall it rocks,more than I ever thought possible.
It's a wickedly freeing age and I hope it crawls by very slowly. (it probably won't).
Gone are the days where I give a rat's ass what another thinks of me. Gone are the days where I need to be a certain weight (menopause took care of that one)  Gone are the days where I take offence to being called 'Ma'am' or the young 20 something little uhh lovies looking at me like I'm washed up or from an alternate universe. Ohhh little honeys , I know so so much more than you.
I live more freely, laugh more readily and make my life what I want it to be, not what others dictate for me.
I eat more of what gives me pleasure, strangely enough that includes healthy stuff. But I've learned to slow down and pay homage to that rare mountain of fries I'll have on occasion. Right to that last one.
But best of all. .?  Auntie Flo took her permanent leave. Yup, go back and read that again. Muahahahha Life starts after she gets good and gone, I promise you.

Yup it's freeing at this stage of the game. And free I shall be because truly? Life starts after 50.
You just wait and see.

~~~~~

That's about all she wrote for this time, folks. See ya all in the funny pages ;-)

I'm centred and ready. Bring it.

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2015.

Take a moment to look at that number. Sometimes it looks amazing and other times, like now, it looks strange. Futuristic almost.
But it is what it is, proof that time marches on. Quickly at that.

I just turned another year older but I did it here:

To an Aquarian being beside any body of water lends to a re-birth of sorts. We find strength and purpose there. An almost mystical healing of one's soul.

So to this year and come what may, bring it on. I'm ready.

Theatre Etiquette went right over her head

A word to the COW at the theatre.

1- Like you I paid very good money for these seats to the Nutcracker, hosted and performed by our very own ballet company.

2- You are tall and errr 'big boned' so your big head blocked centerstage and with the weaving and bobbing you were doing, talking to your son and daughter none stop you managed to block 75% of the entire stage for me.

3- I very politely informed you of that percentage causing me to be unable to enjoy or see most of the first half.
Your apology was accepted. I thought that was the end of that.

4- WHY in the world would you wait till intermission and all the lights are on to lose your shit on me?? Do you realize where you are in a theatre full of well dressed people. Grant you I wasn't dressed to the nines but it doesn't make me any less classier than them but a whole lot more than you. Raising your voice and picking a fight with me was low ( read: NO )   class and it makes me wonder if you've ever been to a theatre before. . ? I guess the saying 'you can dress them up but you can't take them out ' applies very much to you.

4- I asked you twice in a very low voice if you were sure you wanted to take me on right here right now to which you answered in a resounding 'Yes' and continue to beak off some more till I told you to shut the hell up. You, Madam, and understand I am using the term loosely, were a complete embarrassment.

5- Furthermore added to the embarrassment was your entire family jumping on board and telling me I'm the one who had a problem and they were going to talk to the head usher.  I understand they were backing you up but they were not privvy to the whisper I politely ushered in your ear when you stopped bobbing long enough for me to be able to do so. Talk about group mentality. However, I'd have ALL their hearing checked, they seem to have been unable to hear you beaking off non stop and loudly.  

6-Wonderful lesson you've showed your children on how to behave in a theater. Understand the sarcasm within that statement. And speaking of lessons might I suggest you take some lessons on etiquette, of ANY kind, for I believe you are in desperate need of some.

7- A glass of wine later finds me sitting in the lobby unable to go back in for my want to SMACK you upside the head is greater then the want to see the rest of the show. Given the level of need for such temporary satisfaction, you have no idea how thankful you should be. I refuse to get bailed out of the clinker by lowering myself to your no class level. You are welcome, you little shit. I do have a sneaking suspicion you are sitting in the seat in front of my empty one with a smug look on your face and smirking. Enjoy but I will enjoy the karma bus when it makes a stop in your neck of the woods much much more 

Lump of glossy coal your way, Cow. The kind covered in goat shit. That stuff smells like your personality.

My 'Stupid Emotional Upsets and the Fixer Uppers' kinda day.

( and by stupid emotional upset read: Menopausal, lack of sleep, stupid cold hanging around or snow. Choose one though, not all 4 mmmkay? I'm not that unbalanced  )

Stupid emotional upset: Half a tub full of hot water for my bath. Imma gonna hack that stupid hot water tank to bits in a fit, I am.

My fixer upper: Hauled out the weights and went at it. Fu*k you hot water, I'll warm up another way then, you effing persnickety piece of shit.

Stupid emotional upset: Walking up the stairs and bloody well tripping over nota. Not an effing solitary thing. Stupid life long klutz. Usually I laugh at myself but hey. . it's that kind of day, isn't it. . f a c k.

My fixer upper: Watching my neighbour trip and fall in the snow right after. Yeah, I know. . not nice but hey it stroked my bitchy funny bone right to the core.

Stupid emotional upset: Still pissed off about the tub thing. Haven't went at that contraption with a frikken Thor hammer yet. Residual anger for my loss of tub time.

My fixer upper: Took the mutts to the dog park, found out I was over dressed. The simple act of unbuttoning my coat did it. ( read: my denial moment winter's here )

Stupid emotional upset: Not feeling productive be it with my camera or in the kitchen or in any corner or my interests. I think I can blame menopausal on this one.

My fixer upper: Getting another email saying one of my photographs is up for 2014 photograph of the year on that website knowing FULL well I won't win but being considered is right fucking A enough.

My husband gets home tomorrow for a four day stay. That means coffee to wake me up in the am and breakfast out a couple of times.
So starting Wednesday till he travels back on Sunday he's going to be my fixer upper. Like he always is.
Well him and chocolate 

Like

Sometimes it's the small things. .

When you are able to recognize it's the small things that sometimes make up for a great day. I'll take them. Every time.

Things like:

The dog decides to do his business right beside the garbage bin that's along your walking route. Holy crap! you mean I don't have to walk around with this shit?! ( double pun intended *wink * )

Being half way human again when the meds kick in after your stubborn self gives in and buys them. What a feeling.

The warmth of the sun on your face when you venture outside after being in the deep freeze. Knowing it's not going to last but standing there not caring if your looking like you are having a out of body experience. Cause, baby, warmth like that in this part of the world mid November is out of this world.

Coming downstairs looking forward to that happy place that caffeine kick will bring you to and finding out your daughter has supper in the slow cooker. Double. Freakin. Win.

Finding out your hubby is checking out plane tickets to your fav place in Canada, just before the insanity of Christmas, even if we might not be able to go. . ? Good enough for me and fingers crossed.

Stepping on the scale and it telling you another pound bit the dust. Hell ya,  I'll take that. . and try not to go eat all. things. carbs.  ( 9 lbs down but who's counting. . . hello? Heck, I AM!  ha ha )

Having a 2 week daily headache ease.

Your daughter coming home surprising you with your new favourite coffee cup. Finding out it'll hold more and, let's be honest, make it taste better somehow. Woot!

Sitting back and watching both your daughters's lives righten some and level out. A reprieve from the constant deep down hurting a mother will < sometimes not so > silently suffer.
This is not such a small thing, it is, however, one that very much matters.

Nailing a Christmas gift for the guy who we attach ALL receipts to his gifts to because we know he'll be returning all of them. The world's hardest person to shop for, don't try to tell me different. But hell ya, I got that boy a great one. Patting myself on the back. ( till one of the kids comes up and takes it out from underneath me because he is, and I repeat myself, the hardest person to shop for )


And there you have it, just some of the things that gives me the warm fuzzies.
What about you? What makes your day? Small big, weird, funny. . share won't you?

My new fav coffee cup! Appeals to my java lovin' Scottish heart. Aye.

I am honestly curious. .

I am honestly curious. .

I've been having an ongoing conversation with my youngest daughter about the point in your life when you decide to call it quits.To just let it go.
She's struggling with a few issues she is having trouble working through. Justifiable ones in my opinion,putting aside I'm her mother. There comes a point, I told her,where you KNOW you are done, you understand you are at the point where there is nothing to hang on to, nothing left to try to fix.

To a friend of mine, all it took was one line. In text. No more than eight words. BOOM! It was done. She was finally free and quite giddy on the power of closure. I am so very very happy for her because in letting go, she found herself again.
How much more of a great 'ending/ restart' is that, I ask.

I think as one gets older that 'limit' gets considerably shorter. Time speeds up at a ridiculously stoopid rate and my limit is much much shorter than someone 20 years my junior. And that's the glorious beauty of being my age, I have nothing to prove to anybody, I don't have to take what I don't want and I well recognize my worth. I am worthy of getting back the effort I put in and I flat out won't settle for less.

~~~~~~~~~~

I am honestly curious. .

How do you deal with change? Some take it like a pro, others fall apart. Me? I've had enough of it to learn to go with the flow. Finally.
Doesn't mean I willingly embrace it all the time. Sometimes I want to build a blanket fort, take my crayons and paper in and nail a no trespassing' sign to the chairs holding up my blankies.
Other times I long for it. Life's getting short and I need a good shake up now and then.
But I'd like to think I'm pretty well balanced. The good, the great, the mediocre and even the fugly shit.

~~~~~~~~~~

I am honestly curious. .

Can I take your word for it? Is it as good as a signed contract? You would like to think so, wouldn't  you. . I will tell you that it is a rare thing these days. I am not sure how a person goes about carelessly throwing out , " For SURE you can count on me" and not give another thought to it. Holy crap, that right there drives me around the bend. Well, until recently if truth be told.  It took me a long time but I'm learning to lower my expectations in things. ( My mom always told me I expected too much from people, she was right on some levels.)
This year, however, seems to be a year of change. After a huge (and final) disappointment(those pesky expectations of mine once again) I made a promise to myself (and my husband) and I followed through on it. A promise to him alone would be the driving force but it was as equally important to me personally to follow through.
If you know me in RL, you know when I say something you can take it to the bank. After all, a big fat bank account is much more satisfying than an empty unused/unfed one.
It's the old adage, 'If you talk the talk, walk the walk'

~~~~~~~~~~

I am honestly curious. .

Can you go into your Facebook and cull your 'friends' list? For every 100 people on your list can you delete 5? I have routinely done this every six month or so in the last 2 years and I'm at a point where I am comfortable with who's there. It's happened to me that I've gotten requests and I've sent out a hello. Upon not being rated high enough for a response, I promptly deleted those people.
Again, life is too short for nosy/rude peeps.
So. . can you? Delete 5 for every 100 on there? lol Good luck with that. ;-)

~~~~~~~~~~

I am honestly curious. .

What did you think of this blog post?

This That and Other Things. All of which matter.

It's an overcast day at the moment, perfect time to haul out my camera and go play. But nope, laziness has struck me and here I sit at Starbucks people watching. Ohhh how I LOVE people watching.
I really really should be a street photographer ( full disclosure, I'm reading up on it like mad, studying the works of the greats ) but one needs people and busy, craziness and the heart of a city. At the very least a BIG town.
And if I've been struck down beaten by laziness then I'm sure not hopping in my car and driving an hour ( factor in construction, lights and traffic. Geezus SHOOT me now, I'm cringing at the thought ) to do it.
Not today.
For my tomorrows, however, that's another story. Oooohh I am looking forward to it, my trigger finger itches and I must scratch that itch. Soon.

However, my learning curve lately has been of a different kind altogether. And it's on a 'must learn' basis. I must, for my youngest daughter's sake.
She has been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and she's a lifer with it. Basically it becomes a gluten, dairy and sugar free way of life.
I know, right? Not for the faint of heart.
She surprised me by embracing it right away for she is not one to accept change easily or readily. I am proud of her and it's been a learning experience ( yup, you can teach an old dog new tricks go figure! )
Sugar free no prob. I am a hypoglycaemic and have followed that diet since she was 9 months, it's a way of life they were brought up with.
But gluten and dairy free? Whoa! no more white/whole wheat flour, no milk. Limited cheeses ( I am on the hunt to find a brand of Daiya cheese she'll actually like. But for now, we have Swiss )
I watched her crumble the other day at the sheer amount of sacrifices she's had to make. Literally from one day to the next. It broke my heart to watch her struggle, to want what she can't have. We all have our moments where we want to say, 'Screw it' but she can't. This is her health and life at stake.
I made her go wash her face, left her daughter with Papa and we went to Bulk Barn. Buckwheat, oat, brown rice, almond, coconut flours among a few others. Tapioca and potato startch, pure buckwheat pasta, sugar free dark chocolate chocolate chips ( holy shit, why helllooo there chocolate ) a few of the things we bought.
Yup, she is going to eat bread and pasta again. Ask me about the delicious sugar , gluten and dairy free blueberry muffins we've mastered. To go along with the lactose and sugar free chocolate icecream we have in the freezer.
As she says, ( when she nails and posts a certain recipe for something she craves ) ' Because F U PCOS'
Proud? Just a wee bit. She comes out swinging when something tries to knock her out.
And she usually wins. This is one war she has no intentions of losing.
Because Fuck Ya, that's my Boo. :-)
(As an aside, she's lost 34 lbs and still going! Hard works pays off, Peeps. She's living proof)

The internal war that my eldest daughter has been and is still fighting. (how does one survive the heartache of watching two daughters hurt, fall and fight these wars. well one simply does and it is a pretty sweet deal when they triumph)
It's been a long long time watching my eldest be unhappy. She's been struggling to find her footing and direction in this sometimes cruel stupid narrow-minded world and I've been powerless to help her along her way. ( One of the most impactful things I got from her was what she told me a few years ago. 'Mom', she said after I wished pain upon myself instead of my kids, ' Some times there are things that are not your path to walk'.
Yup, pretty much stopped me in my tracks and blew me away. She was 100% right on the pin.
No, it doesn't make it easier but it allows me to be stronger for them when they are on such a path.
I know, right? She's a master at logic. It's how she won many an argument with me when I said no and fell upon the , 'Because I said so' line.
Anyhow, like I said, it's been a while. She left a 3 year relationship that should of ended a year into it, struggling to regain 'self' which she did. Not an easy task when bitterness and pettiness from the other side kept smacking her in the face. Repeatedly.
She left a job she was climbing the managerial level in but wasn't happy. That's mi Bella, high 5's babe.
She went back to University! Oh hell ya. After six years of being out of school she went back to what is a world away from high school. But she went back older, wiser, more mature and able to handle this type of educational environment. One of the biggest changes of her young life. ( yet was she ever young I wonder, she's such an old soul that one )
She has worked her damn butt off. Being recognized by the Dean, 3.9 GPA, scholarship. Yeah, she's owning that education and the thousands of hours pouring over papers, reading, writing writing writing.
Brain fed. Check.
Heart? Another matter. She dated, she flirted and she got into another year long relationship. This one was rough on her as well. Her heart was involved but his wasn't. And truth be told, he was full of warts that affected her on many levels. Nope, no prince there.
Extraction from this was hard and painful. She floated, trying to regain her balance and in the effort made some steps towards the same type of situation. Only to be hurt and hurt over and over.
Hard to watch your kid hurt, I felt it, I cried and raged. Wanting to hurt the assholes that couldn't see what she had to offer.
Okay in truth, I always want to hurt those that hurt my daughters. Some I want to scratch and punch, others I want to do worse to. But it isn't my place, unless asked. And lucky my girls are smart enough not to ask, I'd probably make the 6 o'clock news and their father would probably be jailed.
But lately, I have watched her change. Gone is the heavy sad look in her eye. I see a clear twinkle in there, a ready laugh and a. . lightness about her.
She's in heavy heavy like. ( I have no idea if it's tipped into love , she's yet to tell me )
I have goosebumps as I write this, such is my happiness.
This relationship is different, I can see it, feel it and I LIKED her girlfriend right off the hop!
This woman has beautiful kind eyes, there's a natural genuine friendliness to her that comes across instantly. ( remember I'm a people watcher and an Aquarian. Ergo: I can spot a fake from a mile away, and can pretty much sum you up within the first 5 minutes )
And she respects my daughter, how the hell can I NOT like her?!
I can't tell you how much of a soothing balm it is to my heart to watch my baby become her 'self' again. I can't put it into words.

****For those of you who have issues with homosexuality with your kids let me tell you two things:
#1- You have absolutely NO business picturing them and what they do sexually. Be it with a man or a woman. And if another woman makes your daughter happy then get on board. Stat. Because, at the end of it, that's what matters. Inner peace, happiness and someone to embrace life with.
#2- Homosexuality does NOT define WHO a person is. It is not the sum of what they are. They are humans and that means layers and layers of complexities, of personalities. . of characteristics. Love them for who they are not who they are sleeping with. ****

So it's been quite a time of it this year to watch both my 'babies' struggle, fighting to put one foot in front of the other and make sense of the direction their lives are heading in.
I've always said it and will say it again, I've got me two very strong women on my hands. Their dad and I can take some of the credit but mostly you best give it to them because they are full deserving of who they are, what they are becoming and where they are heading.

As for my end, I can now start to concentrate more on 'me' and I will be honest, I am looking forward to it. In the last four months, I've undergone some changes myself and am really enjoying the benefits of it.
I have let go of what I needed to, turning my concentration and efforts to where they are needed. I am happier. More free. Of expectations, of disappointment, of acceptance in things I am powerless to change.
Oh don't get me wrong, I am still working on things, some of which will take me a little while to work through but one foot in front of the other. Slow and steady, she will win the race.
Just like my beautiful daughters.

Happy trails, Peeps.

Jamie

That moment when. .

. . it's the middle of night and the dog goes from dead asleep to flying off the bed barking his fool head off. I go from a DEEP sleep ( which by the way is very difficult to achieve ) to instantly awake with my heart racing out of my bloody chest.
I think I'm going to buy a nerf gun, keep it close and and shoot the little frigger every time he pulls that crap. Do you know how long it takes me to fall back asleep after??

. . I want to get out of my vehicle at a red light, walk over to the very new very yellow convertible corvette, tap the old dude on the shoulder ( I'm talking white hair with, yes, the famous comb over) open palm gesture the entire vehicle and say, " Why, old man, why? "

. . I can finally

                                (fess up, you are SO singing it right now :-P)

. . the fence goes up between me and my neighbour and we're suddenly on speaking terms after 4 years? Yup, the old adage holds true, Peeps.

. . I get woken up by the sound of a steaming hot cup of coffee being placed on my bedside table. I'd marry that boy all over again on that one alone.

. . I think I'm all clever, stealthy and shit. ( I tried bringing up the James Bond tune in my head but all I came up with was the Pink Panther. Oh well, more my style )
I'm still giggling over my cleverness. Hey, give me this one mmkay? it doesn't happen often.

. . I write a post in my blog after a long long time of not writing anything.

It takes a special kind of . . .

Stupid
To pass through the back alley with a backhoe, bucket down, early in the morning when the ice/snow has frozen over from the overnight temperature nosedive. My town's tax dollars at it's best.

Self entitlement
to pull a u turn just before a light, to which yours was red. You made everyone wait because it wasn't a u-turn, it was a four point effing asshole self entitled 180 turn.

Lazy
Not to bring your cart back to it's holding pen at the grocery store but rather leave it right in front of the driver's door of the car beside you. May the doors of every car held together by duct tape within a 100 mile range park really close beside you.

Sad
To bring your world down to one 'subject'. To not explore outside your box. Creativity stilted. You become a mere one colour and one gets tired to looking at the same shade all the time.

Nerve
To continually take and not give. Or is this ego I wonder?

Empathy
And some just don't have it. Despite the effort. Again is this ego I wonder?

Lack
Of self esteem to constantly seek attention. Why? Why does one need it so? Not the kind of attention that sustains and allows one to learn either. The shallow meaningless kind, the fluff. Sorry but I refuse to buy cheap seats to your show.

Person
Not to reach out and throat punch many people that fit the above categories. Yes, I agree, I should be commended. ;-)

Happiness and GAS in Photography terms

Sometimes you come across a written piece that pulls, tugs and feels like it was written for you exclusively.
This is such a piece. Written by a very talented photographer but it can apply to all of us on many levels.
He's a refreshing change from the competitive cutthroat business that is photography. He calls a spade a spade however, admitting he can have a thin skin at times.
He's just such a real deal.

***  I discover “flow” when I am out shooting on the streets. When I am shooting, all of the problems of my life disappear. *** - Eric Kim

Oh yeah. . . Me.

Eric Kim on Happiness and Street Photography

For those of you who suffer from that painful GAS issue
GAS relief! 

For Today

Musings

It's Okay

-

What about you, my bloggy pals, what are YOU okay with?

 

 

 I Believe

...

 ...What do you believe?

For Today

For Today

Outside my window... if I shut my eyes tight I can bring up images of green grass, bright sun and long lazy warm summer nights.  Oh puulleassee don't make me open my eyes. . I'm in my happy place :-p

I am thinking...

I kinda l o v e having the house to myself. How often does this happen? Watch me, I probably jinxed it, frack. 

I am thankful for...

ok, this will be self serving but holy mackerel! I've been blasted SO sick lately . I'm thankful for not being in the throes of that wicked bad flu that came a knockin' not too long ago. I felt so so badly for my husband as he's hardly ever sick save for a cold now and then. He couldn't believe how much he was hurting. But ! he soldiered on. Kudos to him :) 
    

From the Kitchen...

I went out today and stocked up on fruit and vegetables. With the flu, we threw out so much good foods because eating only happened to ward off starvation. It''s pricey to eat healthy. 

I am wearing...

well DUH, yoga pants paired with big fat fuzzy pink socks, a black tank top ( I can't decide if I'm hot or cold ) and a head of  wild crazy hair.
#curly hair girl problems. 

I am creating...

nothing. BUT I'm either going to pull out my calligraphy set I got for Xmas or I'm going to go for a nap.
I'm undecided.  

  

I am going...

to perhaps saunter over to my local library, it's been a while. I love the 'sounds' of a library; the swishing pages of a book someone's perusing, the 'quiet' atmosphere, the vast amount of knowledge at one's fingertips. Yeah. . I just might do that today.

I am reading...
the number on the scale. Then I'm putting it away for three months. Yeah, it's only a number but I need a starting point to chisel away at. Can't say I like it much but hey, it's time to pay the piper.
. . .Now to put that stupid thing away. ugh

I am hoping...
this year will be full of surprises, adventures and more 'me/us/we' time. Much more.

I am hearing...

weekend noises. They are different than Monday to Friday noises. Everything starts later, nothing is rushed. There are no early morning gunning of engines, no honking horns from impatient drivers car pooling, no alarm clock going off next door with the neighbour slow on the take. I vote on the latter.Yeah, I hear it every. frikken. morning.
But best of all, I have the whole freakin' house to myself. Boo YA!

Around the house...
I wish I could fling open the windows wide and hear signs of spring. So close yet so far. But like the turtle, it'll get here eventually. I'll just hang on to that thought.

One of my favourite things...  

is feeling body parts starting to tighten up. Last year was a complete wash and I can't believe I let it go to that degree. What can I say except that I am but a mere human.
#lessons learned.

A few plans for the week...

I'm starting to research the best espresso machine available. I've never owned one but my husband loves espressos and I'll gladly embrace the caffeine jolt. :-)   

Here is a picture I thought worth sharing...

To help you along your way.
you're welcome :-)

Goodbye to my grand daughter's great great grandmother.

" Go rest high on that mountain ‘Cause, 'Daughter', your work on earth is done. Go to Heaven a shoutin' Love for the Father and the Son'

 R.I.P Nanny, enjoy your wings. You've more than earned them.

xo

with her very first great great grandbaby, my grand daughter :-)  

Yoda, me and 2014

(google image)


" Try not. Do or do not, there is no try "

2013 was a washout.
On many personal levels. Cringe worthy at that.

Creativity. My brain needs this nourishment, why did I let it go to sleep?

Reading. How I miss going to different worlds

Exercising. Empowerment, energy. The ability to do spring out of bed in the morning, the ease of sleeping at night. Wtf, Jamie? I'm a lifer at exercise, what got into me??!

Eating properly. The fuel I know my body needs/craves. Again, I'm a lifer at proper eating. Gave up last year I did, Yoda. Sigh.

Combine it all and at the centre of that mess is sadly
. . .ME.

How the hell did I paint myself into this corner?

I'm hoping 2014 will be about  Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

My steps might be baby ones but one foot in front of another lends to a forward motion. Which is the direction I want to go in.
I'll gather steam along the way and if you try to stop me, I'll simply walk through you.
Because I've got things to do and places to go.

(Google Image)

So it was like this. . I lied. . .

And it was self serving.
I have issues with pipes outside my home at times. The exhaust one from the furnace, a white one for something else. A third one has to do with the hot water tank, the problematic one. The one, when it's colder than the Arctic outside, becomes blocked with ice crystals. Which, in turn, shuts down the hot water tank.
Let me tell you how miserable it is when you jump in the tub, toes ice cold,goosebumps chasing each other up and down your arms and there is no hot water. Whatsoever.
Yeah. . it just doesn't get more miserable than having to climb back out, much colder than a short minute ago.
Let me also tell you hell hath no fury like a woman's hot steaming bath taken away.
We've been in the deep freeze here for the last month. I'm talking minus 40 celsius with the windchill some mornings/evenings. The dogs won't even go out.
And,Baby,when it's that cold, I'm cold. There is no warming me up save for a hot hot bath. (except at 2 am when I'm having a hot flash and melting on the spot.)
Such was the reason for my lie. I called down to my daughter asking her to send my husband out to check the offending pipe. I was after having a hot bath and when the water cooled down, I was fixing to run the hot water tank dry, staying in that blissful tub of steamy hot water till I resembled a prune. Then I was going to jump in my most comfy flannels, crawl under the duvet cover and nap.
Yup. . I was that cold.
I told her there wasn't much hot water coming out and he needed to go clear the pipe. A lie, a big fat lie.
I heard the door shut solidly behind him and two minutes later he stomped back in grumbling there was nothing to clear.
And here was lil ol me up to my neck in hot water, grinning just a wee bit. Okay a lot.
Objective achieved.
But hey, a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do.
And yes. . I'll be doing it again.

Musings of This,That and Other Things

Confession: I can stick my foot in my mouth solid. I am not impervious to what I say, quite the opposite in fact,but sometimes, hey. . thinking's at a premium. Here's the Reader's Digest Version:
Setting the table at my Mom's for this culinary feast. ( I know we all prefer our mother's cooking but mine rivals those of chefs. I know I know blah blah blah she's your mom but I know good food and she's awesome at it.) A fondue is a beautiful thing, not to be rushed and complemented with wine. To minimize the confusion as to who's fondue forks are whos, they colour code the ends of them.
I worked hard assigning those forks taking into account fav colours. I announced each colour to my family ending with the bright yellow ones for my sissy's boyfriend.
Um yeah, problem.
He's colorblind. And I forgot that slightly important fact.
I couldn't help it, I giggled the next 15 minutes over it.

A slight pet peeve to share with you. Well perhaps more than slight as I have to stop myself from commenting. I'm good to restrain myself but it leaves me literally biting my tongue sometimes. It irks me to see people publicly ( and by publicly I mean social media. ) thanking others for having done something for them. ( Teri, not in your way whatsoever, I mean as in my neighbour helped me move the branch, the dog, shovel snow or shovel shit. You get my drift. . )
Can you not thank them in person? And if you did WHY do you feel the need to put it on facebook how nice they are only after they've done something for you?? Can you ever not write how nice they are,just for the sake of it? And make no mistake, I never see anyone who FB thanks another for doing something for them do just that. Throw in thanking the good Lord on facebook (of ALL places) ONLY when something good happens. It makes me roll my eyes and scoff at you. Not that you much care but my respect of you nosedives on the spot.
I guess I'm a part of a dying breed that thanks those face to face ( on the rare occasion as I'm the 'do it myself type of gal' ) and talks to the good Lord for other reasons, like. .  watching over us and/or steering me right. Not because I won money or I scored something materialistic.
Yeah, I know. I'm weird that way, I guess. I prefer human interaction when called for.

Well! Let me tell you of fallout from my post about a secret sect of a gaggle of  Desperate Housewives. It got me kicked off two sites I was a member of. Okay, I wasn't a big contributing member, more like one who went on to read and be entertained by the follies but I was, nevertheless, a member. To get deleted from those sites one has to troll the posts, insult/berate members or generally carry on with no decorum. To which I did none of those things.
One site was of the going ons in my neighbourhood. I emailed the admin,was promptly ignored and the other a Rant and Rave site. Again I emailed that admin who played the ' I'm not aware' card. I'm calling it. . .Bullshit.
My being 'kicked off the island', so to speak, happened right after that post went viral within the town itself and three/four neighbouring towns. Within a weekend, it went from 30 views to 440. I'm no detective but it doesn't take a genius to figure the timing of it.
Getting my wings clipped from those two sites brought what was a rumor (albeit a pretty solid one) to it being fact given the end results. There is a bunch of small minded, vicious ( some have had numerous complaints filed against them with the law) people who berate, belittle and bully innocent decent people.
Yes, I did take great pleasure in ousting them. For there is nothing worse I hate than cruel self serving little ignoramuses.
As the saying goes, 'Ain't nobody's got time for that'.
Enjoy your mean spirited 'secret' little desperate housewives club, ladies. It's not so much a secret anymore.

And that, Peeps, is my musings of the day.
What's yours?

Musings of This, That and Other Things.

I can't help but squirm in my seat when I see couples openly display their relationship woes or tooth aching saccharin 'I love yous' on a social media site. I get embarrassed when one doesn't have a clue to filter what or what not to share for all to see.
( I guess I'm not a romantic?.. . or maybe just not an openly flamboyant one. I'm certainly not into PDAs, well save for the occasional quick kiss, hug or hand holding when I'm feeling lazy and need to be propelled forward. ha ha )
My husband doesn't have a facebook account or twitter, google+,Instagram or anything like that. In fact it's only till recently we've had to show him how to type in a web address. ( he's come a LONG way since then, baby!)
But I'll be damned if I ever put any argument we have or state the dumb things he does ( well, sheesh, it's not like I do dumb things lol *wink* ) or doesn't do. And if I do post something, I'll use humor as a platform and you may be sure I'm holding back 80% of what actually happened.
So it confounds me how some can openly display the TMI stuff or air out their dirty laundry for all to see/read. I always feel badly for the other person.
Marriage and it's highs/lows are, at least for me, intensely private stuff.
I'm not saying it's wrong, but it's. . .baffling.

I took down all my photographs from Facebook, save for the cover/profile photographs which are public. While it's not one incident in particular there is one that 'broke the camel's back' so to speak, lending to the decision to remove most of them.
No I'm not the next best photographer to come along. No I'm not a pro, nor do I have any intention on becoming one. Nor do I guard my photographs like security on the Hope Diamond, slapping big ass watermarks on half the picture. But I do take pride in my work and yes, it gives me faith to keep doing what I do when one takes enjoyment out of a photograph or asks to have a print of it.
I've no problem with that and it is very flattering. I've had prints go to Japan, the States and around Canada. Photography is more than holding a camera up to your eye and clicking away. Honestly, it's hard work and at my age, the sheer learning curve fries my brain at times. Let's not mention photographer's block and how much it sucks. I know, I'm in one.
Yes and I do realize that once it's on the net, it's a free for all. ( to a certain degree) I get that.
Seriously though, since the only people I share my photographs with on FB are friends the key word here would be: Ask.
It's just a respectful thing to do.

Holy shit, someone better tell the head of the Menopause committee to hook up with Mother Nature PDQ and cool things down just a wee bit heat wise. How does one survive summers with disgustingly high temps? It's been ugly hot and I just don't think I'm going to make it. I'm going to melt down to a pile of miserable yuck.
( wait two/three months, I'll be bitching about the ugly cold. There's just NO making me happy till I'm through the fracking change I think. Feel sorry for my husband. Hell I do )

I swear on my sanity right here, right now if that boy of mine doesn't buy new alarm clocks ( he has two set up. His main one and a back up ) I'm going to open the window within the next couple of nights and fire those loud ticking mechanical time tellers.
They drive me mad at 2 am when I'm woken up by the, 'TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK' And here's the mister, flat on his back snoring to wake the dead.
I'm on sleep aids, for the love of all that matters. I should be waking up. At all.
I can feel it, I'm going to crack soon. Or those 2 alarm clocks will. In half.

Well, Peeps, that's it. I'm done with the tattoo removal process. I decree it so. After seven sessions, I am calling 'Uncle'. I have a ridiculously high pain tolerance level but I reached my limits. He ramped the laser up higher every time ( not blaming him, he had to do it ) due to some stubborn black and it hurt on a whole new level every time. This last one was a doozy. :(
The good news is it's 96% gone. Higher percentage now after this last session and over time it'll   fade to nothing. I consider myself very lucky, I had a top rated tattoo removal specialist, with top of the line equipment and he did an amazing job. No scarring. Expensive but worth it.( don't ask, it's jaw dropping.) I am one of the lucky ones at 7 sessions, there are some that reach 13/14 sessions and the tat's not gone. I guess my body wanted it gone as much as I did. :) 
1 1/2 years later I am done! WOOT!
And no, I'm not after getting any more tattoos. Ever. I have a small one that's a keeper, that's good enough for me. ( The one I had removed covered a portion of my middle back, extending to above the shoulder blades.You want a tender spot, try that area ) If you google the coloured 'pain' map of getting a tattoo, you'll see the back is one of the highest spots. And getting tats removed rates five times that in pain. Ouch! Be sure of your tats, Peeps, that's all I gotta say.

Ok, 'nuff stuff shared tonight. I was quite 'chatty' by the looks of this. A rare moment indeed. I've neglected this blog, trying to muster up some stuff to post but it's been a stretch.
The way I figure it is: it's better to write posts when I actually have something to say, rather than 'fluff' and incredibly boring  crap some bloggers post just to say they have.

Yeah, you're welcome for that. 

Bedtime. Hmmm he doesn't work tomorrow, maybe I'll bury his stupid alarm clocks under the twenty pair of boxers he owns.
( call him a pack rat, you wouldn't be wrong. )

Night all.

Musings of This, That and Other Things.

I came across a complaint on FB this morning and it's been bouncing around in my head since.
It seems this woman had an issue with girls wanting to facetime with her pre to teen boy ( not sure which ) at 2 am while his 'electronics slept in her room' What followed was a litany of complaints against young girls.
I raise two myself, I know all about pre to teenage girls. BUT what really irked me was the overwhelming consensus that all those girls were trouble or going to be.
I didn't respond. Most replies were from younger women that had a wholeee lotta growing up and living to do yet.
You just wait,my judgemental little pretties, your boys WILL be coming home in a boatload of trouble in the years to come yet.
I went back to the original complaint and couldn't for the life of me figure out why his cell was left on to 'sleep' in her room all night everynight??  It seems like an oddball thing to do on a parent's side, no?
And for the record, not all what's wrong with this world lays solely on teenage girls. Most of us mothers who have daughters are much better able to lay the blame where it's due. Be it the girls camp or the boys. .
It seems to me that a lot of the mothers of sons act like their boys can do no wrong. It's always the girls that 'convert' them or lead them down wrong roads or trick them. ( rolling my eyes here)
And by the way, one simple solution for that mother. Shut the stupid cell down at night.
DUH

I can not tell a lie. Getting a 'WOW!' from a photographer's daughter on an album I posted gave me such a charge. I've been in a ' I hate all my photographs and who do I think I am anyways' phase. It's brutal, it sucks but it's fact.
Grant you that daughter is my mother but she is a photographer in her own right and I know she separates the chaff from the wheat, so to speak. ( Mom, if you are reading this, Dad will explain to you what that saying means xoxo )  If I got a WOW! from her it's because she's taken into consideration all that is involved in the process of a successful photograph.
I think in a real way, I measure my success ( I'm an amateur with NO intention of going pro. That's not to say I wouldn't like to have a small showing or two eventually ) by two things; the emotion the photograph draws from the viewer and the nods I get from fellow photographers.
And I got a 'WOW!'
Made my day, it really did. :)

You have all heard of the 'Desperate Housewives' series. . ? Yeah, I don't watch them but I know of them as well.
What was brought to my attention is where I live there is a chapter of truly pathetic women that have started a 'private' facebook page called 'Desperate Housewives of Leduc County' . They are all a part of this Rant and Rave site where if you dare go against the 'grain' you are jumped on and the whole post is brought to this sad page where you are ridiculed and ripped to shreds. I know someone who knew someone who left the group because she couldn't handle the vicious callousness of it's members.
I've probably been the topic of conversation on that page more than once. ( if you know me in RL, I call them as I see them and there are a chosen few in the Rant page that need to get out more or get a life. I can hold my tongue for the most part but well lol,at times I can't. ) Which, by the way, if any of them stumble in on here I'm fairly certain I'll make top billing on the Housewives site for a week straight and be 'uninvited' to the Rant and Rave page. ( In truth,I don't go on it often, I can't stomach it much) Ohhh welllll.
But can you imagine the sheer ego it takes of stand above all and lay judgement like that? Wow.
Karma's a bitch, ladies. You just never know when and where. . . and seriously, get a life, a job or get out more often.
Then again, you can stay in your so called secret society and judge. Your little pea brains probably can't handle the outside world. 

Omg. A massage, a massage! My kingdom for a massage! . . 'nuff said.

I have to start exercising in earnest again. I don't remember in recent history where I've spent such a long period of time not working out.
Not to excuse it but it's been a crazy busy summer and we're now mid August.
Come on, Jamie, off your as of lately lazy ass and git at 'er!
lol yeah, I have inner monologues and arguments with myself. Often. I always lose. Sigh. *wink*

Well, it's 3:15 pm and that means it's 5 o'clock somewhere. Time for a glass of wine.
Yeah yeah, I'll start working out ummm tomorrow, yeah that's what I'll do. I swear.

What's your musing and thoughts today or inner monologues, my bloggie pals?

I may or may not have

I may or may not have:

. . called my stick thin 82 yr old Dad a 'sxy bastard' when he came out of the bathroom freshly showered. He was wrapped up in a long thick towel from just below his chest to just above his knobbly knees. Bones jutting out everywhere. It earned me a hearty snort, which I consider a sign for a successful line delivered.
The man doesn't laugh at simply anything, you know. . .

. . tore some idiot lady a new one in the parking lot. After following her from two streets down when she tried to run me up the median with her car, switching from the right lane to the left one occupied by me. Or. . she tried run into me, I'm not sure which. I might or might not have suggested in a very strong manner she take off those ugly sunglasses as they were a) not doing a damn thing for her and b) making her blind,deaf ( I held the horn behind her from one stop to the other) and stupid.
BUT, and there is a redeeming 'but' here, I ripped her a new one in both official languages, not knowing which she spoke. ( I know, right? I am quite considerate that way)
Aaannnd I can promise you she'll never do that again. .to anyone. You are safe to go forth and command your side of the road with confidence if she's around.
You're welcome.
:-D

. . told the sweet 4'8" (and a prayer) lady at Timmy's the donut I wanted was on the very bottom shelf but not to worry as she didn't have far to go to reach it.
She froze for the briefest of moments and gave me a megawatt smile. Seems her mother used to say that to her all the time, she thanked me for the memory.
Warm fuzzies.

. . went through a 3 way stop sign the other day. Ooopsy.

Yup, I just may or may not have done one or all of these things.
:0)

For Today

For Today

Outside my mother's kitchen window... 
I see signs of summer in her neighbourhood. Children hard at play, people sitting out talking loud enough to be heard four houses down. ( french people talk loud naturally ) I'm down for 3 weeks while I help her rebound from a knee replacement operation.

I am thinking...

about tonight's supper. Yup, I've got food on the brain today. Pre Aunt Flo's visit, stupid bitch. She's well worn her welcome after X amount of years. ( yeah, like I'll put the number of years down for all to know. Pfffhhhttt ) 

I am thankful for...

the rate at which my Mom is gaining strength post-op. Damn she's a hellova strong woman. Big grin!
    

From the Kitchen...

I'm eyeing the mountain of pots and pans I hand washed and piled on the drying rack. They are balanced precariously and I'm a klutz, bad combo. Mom's sleeping. Even worse combo. 

I am wearing...

the lightest summer clothes I own. The humidity levels are through the roof in this province, I live where's it's dry. I can kiss my mother's feet for her AC. ( yeah I can but I'd hafta be dead drunk first ha ha. Just stating my appreciation at this lovely air conditioning )  

I am creating...

a photographic folder of my mother's bounty in her beautiful garden. I have shit for beans for talent in the gardening department sadly. I am enjoying the beauty of vivid colours, kissed by rain and Mother Nature herself.

  

I am going...

to nap this afternoon. Don't dare text me or call me,you'll be taking your life in your own hands if you dare rouse me out of the tropical planet I'm visiting in my dreams.

I am reading...
the package of sterile bandages I have to soak and use on my mother's leg which is housing 35 staples keeping her skin from splitting open and displaying her muscles, bones, plasma and cells. . . The staples I have to clean/disinfect. If I go slowly enough I can count the staples as I pass over them. Bwahahaha  is your stomach is flipping? Mine's fine.

I am hoping... 
more like prayin' to the car gods I don't scratch/dent/rub up against anything with my mother's car. You have to understand something here, this is the 1st time in my life she's let me drive her car! ( albe it out of necessity)  Holy shit, this is a huge moment in my life ha ha. This woman lends her car to no one. Ever. I want to shove it in my sisters's faces bad. But I'm not that petty, damn it. 

I am hearing...

my father's dog snore. How the hell can a freaking dog snore THAT loudly already?! 

Around my parents's house...
I am trying not to kill their plants. Or drown them. I am a serial plant killer. GULP!

One of my favourite things...  

when I come back 'home' is to face dive into the foods I grew up on. Which are all very very unhealthy. But ooooh soooo good :-D  I'll pay the stupid piper after. As my daughter says, 'And not a calorie fuck was given' 

A few plans for the week...
playing nursemaid to my patient. 

Here is a picture I thought worth sharing...

Hubby and I on an evening walk. The kid in me wants to run hell bent for leather and jump off the end of that pier.