Wordless Wednesday-Orange

Orange you glad it's Autumn 

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

I am not a credit to my gender. I admit this freely.
I don't like to shop, wear makeup or perfume, dress up in heels or fine clothes. I don't wear jewelry save for a necklace and my wedding ring. Give me a pick up truck or Jeep, I'm a happy girl.
I don't stand on ceremony, I'm not for show.
I know, I know. I suffered a concussion, right? Well no, but I know I'm.. different.

I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want.

I want a smaller house.
I don't want the space I have or lush carpet that covers my upstairs. Three bathrooms are a pain in the ass to clean. The wood floors are the colour of rich coffee but I don't like them. My walk in closet is not full of clothes but rather starting to look like a catch-all. I have no use for the two other bedrooms I have and I'd rather have a huge country kitchen than a dining room. 


I want a barn house. With a loft. Oh, no loft? Sorry, no go. I need a mostly open concept with a closed off sanctuary bedroom. I want w i d e pine board floors full of knots darkened with age. I want just one bathroom with a half bathroom downstairs. I want to run my hands along the walls,wainscoting breaking up the flat smooth surfaces. I want to see my pot bellied stove in the corner where I can put my feet up on a kitchen chair and feel it's heat, taking refuge in the rocking chair beside it on cold winter days. I want to look out my extra large windows and see the seasons come and go, the wind rustling the long grasses, teasing the leaves on maple trees. I want to see billowing smoke from my neighbour's chimney, too far to walk to, close enough for comfort.


Space. Peace. Solitude. 


Well.. within 15 minutes of town. I am a sociable creature after all, but on my terms. When I want people, I want them within a short commute. I need access to a quaint coffee shop where I can read or surf, the whirl of the grinder in the background, the clinking of spoons mixing that magic elixir. No, not Starbucks, but a little nook run by a person who's seen the world and has settled down to offer it's wonders in my small town.
I want shops where one of a kind merchandise is found, perhaps made by local craftsmen. I want to be able to stroll antique shops, to find that perfect piece that will finish the room. I want to be tempted by the sights and sounds of the farmer's market, where his wife has made delicious pies and fresh cheeses. I want to bring home hand tied bundles of herbs to add to the fragrant pot of soup simmering on my stove, a fresh loaf of bread still cooling.


I want to learn how to throw clay, sharpen my photography skills, maybe learn to carve out a wooden bowl.  I want a mezzanine in hubby's large quanza to secretly paint something when the mood strikes, even if I've no idea how. I want to be surprised if it turns out to be not half bad. 10 years ago I never thought I'd be creative in the least. 


Looking out my workshop window I want to come to realize I've put out roots down, ones I've never allowed myself to take hold.


I want to grab my camera, walk a long some dirt road and capture the wild life grazing on the edge of the woods, ready to take flight if danger comes. I want to photograph crystalized works of art on windows on cold days, to snap a picture story board of a town slowly coming alive. I want to snap young love sitting on the park bench, oblivious to me and everyone else. To portray the beauty of a harvest moon when it's as orange as the pumpkins the farmer's kids are selling. 
These is what inspires me, what feeds my soul.


In a little less than a year and a half I will be turning 50, truth is I fear it so badly some days it all but breaks me and I am powerless to stop it. This is the first time I admit it publicly, in doing so hoping the fear will lessen.
I can't turn back the number but this I can do, I can control what direction I take. This is act 3 of my life, I know how I want the play to go, the scenery to look, the people in it. 


I know what I want. Ha.. what I will have. 
Because you know what? I deserve no less. 

Wordless Wednesday- 'Leaf'ing Summer behind ( yeah, I know.. cheesy )

Monday Morning Blues

Under ice

The beauty of spheres redux

the ebb & flow

For you, Iz 

Cold blue redux

For Today

For Today

Outside my window...

I see clouds, winds and a setting sun. I see summer fading.

I am thinking...

hard. And yes, it hurts. ppffhhtt  

I am thankful for...

my girls, the changes they are currently going through, the strength they show tackling things head on. They done growed up on me.

From the Kitchen...

I see the remnants of yet another successful supper. I also see my daughter clearing up the mess. ( okay okay, I asked her to clean up in a way that wasn't really a question, ha ha ) 

I am wearing...

loose clothes, I pre-monthly, bloated and damn bitchy. Deal. 

I am creating...

not a whole lotta nufins. I am even having trouble blogging. What gives? 

I am going...

to get hubby to take me out tonight for a coffee, in a quiet coffee shop, away from a very energetic 3 1/2 yr old, I call 'Uncle!' She wins . lol

I am reading...

an old favorite trilogy. Can't start on my new book, hubby just got home from the pipeline and if I start it, I'll flat out ignore the boy. He wouldn't be overly happy, me thinks. 

I am hoping...

for eight solid hours sleep. I'm begging the sleep gods to look down upon my sorry self gifting me with this simple, albeit self serving wish. 8 hours. That's all..

I am hearing...

the TV blaring,the grandchild bouncing off the walls and the freakin' dog barking outside. At nothing. I'm slapping a 'For Sale' sign on his neck and tying him to the corner light post. If he's not gone in one hour, I'm taking the sharpie, scratching out 'for sale' and putting ' FREE'. 

Around the house...

is the beautiful sheen of a house just cleaned. Lol, hell don't look at me, I didn't do it.  

One of my favorite things...

is sitting on the computer chair, spinning fast enough to turn my stomach, singing about cats, dogs and dinosaurs. ( what happened to the days when I was a figure skater and could spin faster than any carnival ride??)  

A few plans for the week...
Making like a couch potato in the evenings, the fall season premieres of my shows. One of my favorite weeks of the year. I know.. I'm a loser with no social life. 

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Did I make you look twice?