Feb 17, 2015

This,that and a wee bit of the other.


It's been forever since I've taken the time to gather the wool in my head and shape it into something resembling cohesive thoughts.
If it starts unraveling I might start rambling. Or mumbling.. . as long as I'm not drooling, right?
If I do start, drooling that is, be sweetheart slap a bib on me and leave me on my own planet till I zone back in. I come back. . eventually.

It's been that kind of day. Two steps forward, one back. Two forward and down on my ass I go. I don't know about you but I've reached the stage that laughing at myself when I trip and fall is far easier than berating myself.
After all I've only done it a few gazillion times already.

See?  I totally went off on a ramble. Ha ha    Hello, I'm back. ;-)

Cohesive thoughts. .

I was perusing some peeps on FB. Ahh bloody facebook. . .  a right time robber that site sometimes isn't it?
I had a little bit of it to kill yesterday. It's amazing how little time I actually have given I don't work outside the home. It drives me batty some days.
Uhoh, yup. . rambling. Back to point, Jamie.

So. .peeps/fb. Where the hang was I going with this??
Oh yeah. . I made the remark to myself that some people I know are quite lacking in ummm depth.
I find the news they share rather stagnant and repetitive. Same stuff, different day. While I like to expand my horizons, I understand it might not be for everyone but come on. . step outside your comfort zone. Try something new, like maybe uhhh talk about someone other than yourself? Try something other than selfies?  No, I really mean it. Please enough with the selfies already.
Perhaps show your warts a little because we all know how perfect a facebook life is. ( read: B.S. )
But then who am I to tell you what to do. It is your fb after all and if you want to be flat and two dimensional then I guess that's your prerogative.
Sigh.  but it's just it makes you so, how shall I put this. . yawnnn.
Feel me?
~~~~~

Do you have inner monologues with yourself?
No?
I do. ALL. the. time. Most actively when I'm fighting with myself NOT to wake up in the morning. Let me tell you, it's quite the argument that ensues when I gain a sliver of consciousness.
I give myself shit, I try to tell myself to shut up already but as I often do I don't listen.
I know. . frustrating right? Try being inside my head. On second thought, don't. You probably wouldn't be able to handle my thoughts and my processing them.
I'm not kidding.
Sometimes, however, my inner monologues are of great help. Especially when I'm dealing with the bottom of the gene pool, it's a knee jerk reaction to reach down to the depths of their levels and push them down further. After a good quick talk with myself most of the time I manage to just roll my eyes and walk away. Yup those pep talks have gotten me out of trouble many a time. Ha ha Whew!
However, in the spirit of full disclosure and to keep it real I have sunk down once or ummm twice ;-)

~~~~~

It's now over 2 yrs since that awful day I turned 50. I hid from the world, I moped in my bedroom for the better part of two days, I cried buckets & rivers then cried some more. It was not a good time and I sure as heck wasn't going down without a meltdown of epic proportions.
All what I went through all these years and I am slapped in the face with this awful number??  Even now looking at the '5' and the '0' together makes me cringe a wee bit BUT I can tell you that overall it rocks,more than I ever thought possible.
It's a wickedly freeing age and I hope it crawls by very slowly. (it probably won't).
Gone are the days where I give a rat's ass what another thinks of me. Gone are the days where I need to be a certain weight (menopause took care of that one)  Gone are the days where I take offence to being called 'Ma'am' or the young 20 something little uhh lovies looking at me like I'm washed up or from an alternate universe. Ohhh little honeys , I know so so much more than you.
I live more freely, laugh more readily and make my life what I want it to be, not what others dictate for me.
I eat more of what gives me pleasure, strangely enough that includes healthy stuff. But I've learned to slow down and pay homage to that rare mountain of fries I'll have on occasion. Right to that last one.
But best of all. .?  Auntie Flo took her permanent leave. Yup, go back and read that again. Muahahahha Life starts after she gets good and gone, I promise you.

Yup it's freeing at this stage of the game. And free I shall be because truly? Life starts after 50.
You just wait and see.

~~~~~

That's about all she wrote for this time, folks. See ya all in the funny pages ;-)