Observations from Jamie's World

My random observations this week. Not in any particular order, which makes well um random. :-)








You need precision driving skills to navigate through the Indy 500 wannabes in this city.
Passed a couple of them in the ditch. HA HA is all I have to say.

How ridiculously  excited can I be for someone shoveling snow off my roof so they can shingle it. Ahh it's those kinds of pleasures in life, ya?

Never argue with a person who has blinders on, they can't see the forest for the trees. Have at 'er , Buddy, run into that tree. Ha Ha is all I have to say.

Even from the distance of 8 inches, the stupid toast STILL falls buttered ( or in my case peanut buttered) side down.  Why oh why?

Oh.My.God. I am SUPER pumped. I went out on the dreaded Boxing Day but I went to Leduc. NO waiting at the cash, smiling faces everywhere. Did you just read that ?? Everywhere! I had SUCH a great day with hubby. Goodbye rat race and Ha Ha is all I have to say.

I 'heart' my new toys, I really do. :-)

My treadmill and weights are calling my name in a mocking tone. I swear. I hear them. Ha Ha is all they have to say.

Both my girls are taller than me. Did I miss the grow gene line up on that day?? It's funny how I get enveloped in their hugs, I used to wrap them up tight in my arms. And the bitch is, I'll just keep getting shorter from now on.

How did I get saddled with a high maintenance dog anyways? I survived TWO strong willed teenage girls, did I not pay my dues enough??? He prances around like he's king of the hill and challenges me at every turn. No doubt Ha Ha is what he has to say.

Have a great last week of 2009 folks.  :-)

It's DONE :-)

Repeat after me
Jamie's not a bitch, Jamie's not a bitch.
Going forward with this, may I tell you how happy I am the holiday season is DONE.
Yeahaww, I'm honest to goodness doing a happy jig in my chair right now. 


What's brought me to this point? Stores. Crowds of people. Parking lot rage. (not mine either) the absolute craziness of getting everything done in time. For some reason, I always think I have more time than I do. All of a sudden it's do or die and I am forced to go out into the madness of last minute shoppers arrrrghhh. Yeah , my fault I know I know.


I love the four walls of 'home'. I can walk in , shut the door and forget about the above aforementioned. Slap on a pair of flannels ( a much needed wardrobe necessity when you live in the bloody frozen tundra'ish lands of northern Alberta.) make a hot steaming cup of tea or coffee or toddy ( my vote ) and forget the outside. 


Having said all this, I did enjoy my Christmas with my family so so so very much. I always do. They are what 'home' means to me. I realize at some point we will all go our separate ways with our separate families. I'm ok with this but I will take each and every moment I have with them now and tuck it in my memory book that sits in the very center of my heart. 


Gift wise I SUPER scored. All three of them put who I am in the gifts I received. That means the world to me. I was as touched by the littlest things as to the ohhh so lovely gift hubby bestowed upon me. Every last present will be used with equal amount of appreciation.. Even today I took each and every little thing and relieved the memory of the moment, wrapping myself with the love that was in that room Christmas morning. 


Ok Jamie enough with the sap SHEESH, ( did you guys hear the violins playing in the background while you were reading that? lol )


Today hubby and I venture out, voyeurs of the sheer insanity and mayhem of Boxing Day without being participants. It's entertainment in it's purest form. 


So as I breath a sigh of relief, I bid you all a good day. Me, I'm relaxing and looking forward to the new year. Well actually,in my head I've begun my countdown to Spring. It's the only thing that gets me through the mountains of snow, the bone chilling cold and the ice rink we call roads.

Open Letter

Dear Hair,
I know it's been a tough couple of months and I've neglected you somewhat but tomorrow
when we sit in the hairdresser's chair, I promise you I will be better with you if you play nicer with me.
So here's to a new beginning tomorrow, deal?

Dear Start of the Day,
I'm not to good at structuring us lately, I know this. But you have to admit, it's sometimes fun
not to have a plan. The new year will probably change this but we'll be ready you and I. For now though, let's wing it k?

Dear Clothes,
You've been really good at fitting me properly lately and I promise to keep working with
you to keep it that way. Even though the holidays. But do forgive me if I go into a slight food coma
on the 25th. I'll be back to respect you, Clothes, on the 26th.

Dear Christmas Holidays,
While I might be so done with your jingles and crazy crowds, I want to tell you I appreciate the build up you give me up to about the last week and a half before the 'Big Event'. I do enjoy it up to then, I really do. With all due respect though, I will make you a memory the day after.

Dear Old Man Winter.
I understand your need to make a bold statement and I've been fairly gracious but you and
I have to talk in the new year. I've set a date for your departure and I'd like to discuss it with you A.S.A.P.

Dear Birthday,
We have another one coming up I see. Sooner than I wanted you to but hey, you're in the driver's seat.
You and I are going to try something different this year ok? We're going to celebrate YOU. Game? Ok then, it's a deal, let's give it a try!

Dear World,
My daughter is coming to find you in a couple of months. I want your solemn promise you will do right by her and her daughter. Don't keep showing her your nasty side, she's seen enough already. Please show her your good side,care for her and she'll make you a better place, you have MY solemn promise on that.

Warm regards,
Me.

Sanity Saver

I decided to flip off Ol' Man Winter today and I did it rather well I might add :-)
This is the last miserable frigid day before the cold snap ends and I'm at the end of my rope with the weather.
I have been housebound for a week plus now. My daughter had surgery Friday last and she's had a rough go of it since,poor lil sweetheart of mine. Before that we got bamboozled by a rather ugly stomach flu.18 hours of sheer gut renching (literally I might add ) misery. UGH.
So today instead of facing yet another day trying to climb these stupid walls, I took my cabin fever self to the tanning salon and spent the first 30 minutes in a cedar infrared sauna.
Bliss
How do I describe how freekin good I felt after? It's simply amazing what it does for me, my mood, my skin. What in God's earth stops me from doing this regularly?? What I ask?!?
When I move into our new home, I'm going to own me one of those lovely sanity savers I tell ya.
To cap it off, I hopped in the stand up for a six minute soak of Vitamin C. Chasing away that pale
image of me that keeps staring back in the mirror.
Did I mention how much it helps my S.A.D.? I 'HEART' that sauna and stand up. :-)
And I have another date with it again before week's out.
So bring it on ol' man Winter, I've got the perfect arsenal.

Musings from the 2nd coldest place on Earth.

What else is there to do after you've frozen off parts of your body doing groceries and Christmas shopping? Sit with a steaming hot cup of water , wearing  flannel p.j's and let your mind wander/wonder/ponder and muse.

... Edmonton is the second coldest place on Earth. The Siberians beat us by 3 measly degrees. Bah! But hey, what a claim to fame.

... We Canadians are not only polite. We're DAMN tough, given our winters

... We could ALL learn something from  The Little Mermaid Girl 

... Wow , takes a special kinda rotten to steal presents gathered for the less fortunate.

... It really bugs me those who do their once a year 'goodwill' gesture towards mankind. Try an act of kindness once a day you self serving morons. ( oopsy, do I feel strongly about that one or what! )

... Facebook, while entertaining, isn't meant to be a lifeline.

... Sarcasm is enjoyed by oh so few. It brings on a certain level of smugness, my bad. But funny you say!

... Is it spelled P.J's or Pee Jays ? ( nope,doesn't sound right does it?)

... I'm not a cougar but if I was, I'd dress oh wayyy better than some I see. Ladies? Those low waist jeans are accentuating your muffin tops. And by the way, there comes a time to stop trying to look 20. Sheesh.

... Politicians stay warm on the hot air they perpetually blow.

... Sick daughter, stomach flu, playing nursemaid to same daughter undergoing surgery makes for a lousy workout week. I feel sluggish. Got one, count it, ONE workout in. UGH

... At this point I'm done with the Christmas music and all the hoopla but I am looking forward to having BOTH my girls with me on the 25th.

... hmmm done pondering now, brain just froze over. Brrr it's C O L D .

Without regrets or doubts

As I prepare to say goodbye to 2009, I find myself thinking about what kind of year it was. Honestly? It was what it was and it's almost done. I've no problem moving forward, looking ahead to new things, places and friendships. Letting go of what needs to, taking from it what I need. As in most everything I do I do so without regrets or doubts.

Work was a bitch, if truth be told. Staff issues, silly egos, letdowns and unrealistic expectations. But it wasn't all bad, it did have it's high moments. I just had to remind myself of what I had built there over five years, I proved my self worth. Between a hectic home life and more hours than I bargained for at work, I rocked it. And I left without regrets or doubts.

I changed this year, I know I did. And I'm A-OK with that. I had to come face to face with my truths. It lent to some difficult decisions that in the end weren't so hard after all. The steps I took freed me in ways I never expected, allowed me to grow...lighter, older, wiser. So I move forward with these decisions without regret or doubts.

I move out of Edmonton next year. It's been my home on and off for 17 years and it's given me good, bad, sad and amazing moments. Reality is that I have awesome daughters who are what they are because/inspite/despite of Edmonton. Yet they've managed to retain ,within themselves, their place of origin  even after all these years. But next year is about changes so when I leave this place, I do it without regrets or doubts.

I say goodbye to 2009, thanking Father Time for the lessons he dished out and the situations it found me in. This year was a year for learning and if you know me, my day's not complete without discovering something new.

 I look forward to next year and surely it will open more doors and avenues. I've got a lot of life to go through and I say 'Bring it on!' I'm ready, able and willing to change, grow and learn what I'm supposed to.
And I'm sure the decisions I will make then will be without regrets or doubts.

So goodbye 2009 and Hello! to 2010. :-)

The weather outside is frightful

I'm laughing at myself as I sit in front of this computer banging away at the keys.  I have a hand crocheted blanket across my lap and a psydo fireplace crackling in the background. ( gotta LOVE the holiday fireplace channel ha ha ) The weather outside might be frightful ( well come on, which one of  you fools thought winter wasn't coming? ) but the fire's sooo delightful. Combine all these elements and I could stay right here for the next two hours.
But it's not in the cards. I'm going to sweat in about 20 minutes. I have to go do my 45 minutes of weights, ball and treadmill.
How else am I to damn well stay at a size 28 jean cooking and eating what I do/want? I'll take the trade off, even if I mentally bitch and growl about exercising all the time. Moot point really, medically I have to, I'm hypoglycemic and it really levels me out. Extra incentive.

Why hello Jeep. :-) You are going to help me go shopping today, you and your wonderful 4x4 capabilities. I will shuffle out the door after my work out, brush that nasty white crap off my Jeep, slap that baby in 4 by and off I go to brave the stores. ( hey it's not the storm that scares me, it's the crowds shudder )
Wish me luck, I have to start knocking off that list I checked twice. Hmm thinking personal shopper here.. but bah no. I'm too picky and would have to tag along to make sure.

Ok enough stalling Jamie, off this chair and git 'er done!
But ooohhh it's soooo warm cocooned in this soft, plush warm blankey.
Sigh, reality time.
Getting going while the gettings good.


C'ya.
Drive safe.

Definition in a tin plate.

Here you have it, my roots.Nestled in a pie. Doesn't sound like much does it.
Ultimately this is a neon sign above my head, it defines me. It is Quebec.
I make it once a year, usually around the holidays as do most of us.
Tourtiere. 
Meat Pie.
This year I give applause and pin the ribbon of distinction on my eldest daughter, Kelly.
I've done what my mother, grandmother and great grandmother have done before me.
I proudly step aside and pass the torch to her. She made all 18 of them by herself!

This is more than meat pie, it is history that is hundreds of years old.
Every culture has it's traditions, I am no different. Now it's hers to carry on.
Today I watched my daughter's roots take hold in a tin plate.
And damn, she nailed it!
Merci ma belle, je suis fier de toi. :-) xo
( thank you, my beautiful, I am proud of you. )

Sunday Musings of This, That and other Things.

One good sleep out of twenty. Not bad . But as the saying goes. ' Please Sir, can I have some more?'
Two nights ago I had a phenomenal sleep. Straight through, no waking up in the dead of night letting
consciousness take control.
Yeah, I could use a few hundred more of those.
Last night? What the EFF was I thinking of? Babysitting a child that doesn't sleep the night through. Falling sleep on a carpeted floor, waking up an hour and a half later, pain taking over every part of my body.
Groan
Serves me right. Dumbass. I apologized for growling at hubby like a bear this morning. But sheesh he was so damn chipper from a full night's sleep. Grrrr

I have to ask this. Who in their right mind lowers the lid to a public toliet? How gross is that? Please please someone tell me she washed her hands after. Quite the dance we females do in public washrooms eh? Are you like me? Assume the position, ( thanks to my work outs for strong quads ) use your foot to flush, wash religiously, close taps with elbows, dry hands and if there's no towels to dry, haul my sleeve down over my hand and ewwww turn the door handle. Yeah, this shirt's going in the wash when I get home.
Yet I can clean up dog barf, clean up a poopy baby butt and go picking through the garbage for my daughter's retainer my ever lovin' hubby threw away by mistake. Go figure.

I have to say, I made awesome ciabatta bread. And a no-knead one thank you very much. Might take 18 hrs to proof but if you've ever made ciabatta bread you know how wet the dough has to be. Who wants to play with dough that resembles goo?
Did I mention Montreal style bagels?? Why hello :-) I did, I made them. Despite Mike's naysayin' that it's impossible to make them, ok they're not St Viateur but they're not far from the real deal. Ppfffhh @ Mike.
Tonight was yummy home made chicken soup, tomorrow a beef stroganoff that from start to finish takes four hours. But please add 8 hours to simmer home made beef stock. Well shove over Julia , Jamie's in da house. Who's coming for dinner?  :-)

I'm after getting my handsome hubby ( yeah, Christmas is coming, I'm ego strokin' ha ha ) to put up my cute little 5' tree tonight. I'm also going to sit and enjoy a Bailey's Irish Cream and tea. (oopsy damn I always 'spill' a wee bit of that Bailey's into my cup,clumsy clumsy me ) Are you like me? I hate wrapping gifts but a shot or two of alcohol makes the job a whole lot easier. I'll put on my psudo fireplace and music, my flannels and get 'er done! UGH, stupid wrapping.

Things clicking into place, short term and long term plans forming. My world is balanced.
All is well looking out beyond the kitchen window.

Sounds of Silence

Hush! Can you hear it?
The silence. This beautiful 'no one's home' music to my ears melody. I can hear a pin drop. ( or in this case the police sirens, we are after all in E-Town eh. )
How often does this happen?
Hardly E V E R . Ahhh bliss is mine to be had. No demands, no errands, I'm ignoring the phone.
How many ways of to do nothing? Let me count. Muahahaha
Dishes in the sink. Soaking never disintegrated Corel so screw it HA! 
One more load of laundry to fold, bahh they can get wrinkled.
Yess sirreee, I'm livin' on the edge today my friends. HA HA !
Looking around, drumming my fingers, thinking...

Hmmm ... no one's home. Perfect time to wrap prezzies, ( no, wait, can't do that. I drink when I wrap and it's too early hmm )  a good time
to clean out old products in the bathroom. Baby's not here to grab everything. ( well now, 95% of that crap is my daughter's , can't throw that stuff out without her going through it )
If I really want to, I can get a KILLER work out in uninterrupted, yeah! ( what am I thinking of?! Had one yesterday, my butt's still hurtin' from it, gotta LOVE those squats yeahh! )

Sigh, I'm pathetic. No one's here and I'm looking for things to do?
I need professional care.

Help....me.....?

Glitz,Gab and Girly Time

Supper out, girly style :-) Love it!
There's nothing more relaxing than supper out with a bunch of girls. True we were down two but that didn't lessen the noise (read laughter) one iota. We closed the place down. Girl talk, my oh my, and girls can talk. No holds barred, curl your ears, jaw dropping, juicy tidbit topics of the female variety, my friends. And not in a catty way either.You need to bring certain elements to the table for a successful evening like that.
These ladies have it. There is no one upmanship crap, no ulterior motives, no E G O .
It's such a revelation to be a part of it, yet to stand aside at the same time and witness it.
I relax, I laugh, I contribute.
Yeah, it's a win/win. :-)

Breakfast out with one of my Besties :-) Love it!
Breakfast is my favorite meal out. It's my best time of the day.I'm fresh, I'm awake and I'm hungry something fierce. Tomorrow I am going to a posh little place that serves exceptionally good breakfast eats. The ambiance is relaxed, not the usual insane rush of eating out on a Friday or Saturday night in E-town. It is a bit of a drive but so worth it. The flavors, the sounds of happy people. It is Saturday morning after all. The week has melted away and they are in a social mood. Huge windows invite natural light making the ambiance light and airy. The taste of fresh coffee, the breakfast-y sounds of the Diner lends to a couple of very enjoyable hours. And naturally the company I am with compliments and completes the whole experience.

You gotta have heart

I have a heart :-)
Go figure. HA
That was the joke of the day.

My facebook status ( for those of you who are unable to access it ) was:
" is at the Medical Imaging Center, they're trying to figure out if I have a heart. hmm debatable I'm told "

I was joking around as I had to go through extensive tests. True to Jamie form,I joked about it.
It's what I do, it's how I deal. But lo and behold, out came the responses to tell me how big my heart was or that I had a heart of gold and so on.
Truth? It wasn't what I was fishing for AT all, not my intention. But boy o boy, it touched me deep.

Those who know me, know I NEVER hunt for compliments, I don't need them. I'm secure in
who I am, what I am in my world and those in it. But still...it touched me.It takes me aback, makes me blush ( I kid you not ) but warmsme in a place I allow few to touch.

Testing was long. Getting injected with radioactive crap isn't my idea of fun and it made me feel funny for most of the day. ( I get injected again tomorrow shitpissfrig UGH )There's the reason I don't dabble in drugs, I H A T E feeling 'funny', not myself, not in control. Getting knocked out before an operation, when you feel higher than a kite? I panic. The nurses have to coo,sooth and almost sing me bloody lullabies till I go under. Waking up? Best not be in my line of vision, I'll bite you head off. I'm truly that grumpy when I come to.
When I had the clips inserted after my second baby and I came to, I remember every single nasty thing I said about that no good for nothing cowardly husband of mind who wasn't letting anyone snip snip, no way , no how, not a snowball's chance in H -E -double L. No one was getting near the family jewels with a sharp instrument, not going to happen, to bad so sad, ain't going there blah blah blah  
 * taking a breath here *
He wasn't there when I came to. I'm sure the nurses would of felt sorry for him and ushered him out.
I was gunning for him the first  half hour.

What was I talking about ? ...Oh yeah, my heart. :-) At some point I felt like I was on an episode of House. That's some heavy duty HUGE machinery they have in there.
But the good news is,  I DO have a heart! I know I have one, I saw pictures. So phooey on you who say I don't. The proof is in the pictures. :-P

And currently my heart is all warm and gooey from those that reached out
and touched me with theirs.
:-)

This, That and Other Things.

THIS
Blows. It really does. I've been off my game since the operation. I have to tell you
I didn't expect to be thrown for this much of a loop. WTF? Well, we all know me,
once I get pissed I do something about it.
Tomorrow I will get up after sleeping a deep soundless sleep. ( yeah I know I know, I'm
dreaming already arn't I? )
I'll feel like I slept for 10 hours straight and head downstairs to start that magic brew
that gets me going in the morning.

 ( No nagging, I quit smoking 17 yrs ago. Don't get all
up in my fries ( ooohh and had some of those today, sooo good) about coffee, it's here to STAY. HA )
That rich aroma that will send signals to my brain and the electrodes in there will start firing  instead of idling.
I'll eat a calorie smart breakfast and I'll get dressed, head downstairs and attack my exercise equipment.

This is how I flip the bird to my weaknessess, I fight it tooth and nail. And honestly I'm sick of feeling like I do,yucky and bloated. UGH.








THAT
Blows. Chunks. It pissed me off. I watched the hurt in my daughter's face, saw
the disappointment settle on her shoulders. Where I"m from, our word is our contract.
I taught my girls the same thing. Don't expect me to be impressed when someone says
something and doesn't follow through. Some people talk for the sake of being heard.
I can handle being let down, God knows I've had PLENTY of it but I can't stand
watching my daughters hurt by it.

So Momma Bear came out growling.
I'm short, I'm french and I'm scary as hell when I'm like this.
Ask my daughters if you doubt.  :-)






OTHER THINGS
Got me in the mood. It really did. Hubby bought THE cutest 5' Christmas tree.
While I don't like Halloween , I do like what Christmas means. The significance
of December 25th, the thought of having both my girls with me, watching my G-baby's eyes sparkle
brighter than the lights in the tree. Baking ( I'm going to get those Italian cookies
right this year, that recipe's driving me NUTS lol ) and cooking different things.
Toutiere, Stew, Soups.( this is where the danger lays, I can really get into comfort eating, it's a fight between
me and that damn carbohydrate monster that stalks me in the winter. The SOB. )

This is my wish list

or this if that isn't a possiblilty

Or (thanks to my sister for hooking me up on this stuff) I would LOVE this

Truth? It doesn't matter what I get, as long as I have my family with me, get togethers with my good friends and my Christmas shopping done by end of November.

Kudos and Coal

So today I'm in the mood  to give out kudos and coal. (as in lumps, some richly deserve it on both counts )

Let's give out the coal first, it's heavy and lumpy. ( ha ha pun intended ) Please step up and accept your lump.

- For the cashier, who can't say hello or thank you. Why are you here?

- For the lady who looked at me like I was beneath her at Timmy's.Bad hair day?

- For those that talk THIS LOUD on their cell phones while waiting in line. Um I really don't CARE about your life/deal/greatness that you are/did/made. Spare me.

- For that matter, those that talk THIS LOUD at any given time anywhere, any place , any time. Um embarrassing.


And the Kudo goes to :

- The young man that held the door open for the elderly person. Momma raised you right. :-)

- My youngest daughter, surviving a tough ugly week health wise with a 2 yr old to look after.

- My eldest daughter for not doing away with the village idiot that escapes every day and walks in her store.

- My dentist office,( Chris) for going that extra mile when you didn't have to.

- To one sister for getting through the week with her boy sick with H1N1.

- To my dear friends from Massachusetts, Montreal and Edmonton, I appreciate you FULLY.

- To my other sister.For keeping us safe. xo

A few of my favorite things ♪♪♬

Go ahead, you KNOW you wanna sing it to the Sound of Music 'Favorite Things' ♪♬♪ . No one will know *wink*


Snow covered mountians and a room with a view
Little G-baby kisses, the smell of fresh coffee brew
Butter London nail polish that shines like bling
These are a few of my favorite things.

A new hardcover book and my favorite armchair
Booking a flight with free airfare
Lil Boo giving me colourful drawings
These are a few of my favorite things

A group of friends who are all mismashes
My daughters bright smiles and lovely eyelashes
Knowing it's your family when the telephone rings
These are a few of my favorite things

When people act crazy
When a bad situation stings
When I'm stressed and just plain mad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad

The Ugly and the Beautiful

How do you define ugly? (Not in a people sense but we will talk about that later on.)
But rather in a day to day?
Look below.

THAT'S ugly, my friends. I'll wait a sec while you count the piles. Plus the one in the washer. sigh. 8 loads of laundry. This is what happens when I have an operation and recoup from it. When your 19 year old daughter falls dog sick and has to care for her 2 yr old. When your husband works dawn to dark.

Discouraging isn't it?
Well no sense crying in one's beer over it, it's got to be done.
And I know my family, the more daunting the task, the more they look to me to bail them out ;-)

To give points to hubby he carried ALL those clothes down four sets of stairs to the basement. I LOVE him for it. This is what makes me buck up and tackle this bloody mess. I'm not exhausted from carrying it all down.





How do you define beautiful? (again not in a people sense but we will talk about that later on. )
But rather in a visual sense.
Look below.

This, to me, is absolutely beautiful. It was taken when I went to Massachusetts to visit my friend, Mary. I'd forgotten the sheer size of the trees in the eastern part of North American.
I LOVE the setting for this house, heck I LOVE this house. :-)
And the colours weren't good this year Mary remarked. In fact it was the 5th Autumn the colours weren't bright. Geezus, give me this ANY day, I'll take it!
But New Englanders know their Autumns. I would imagine in all their glory, the colours are so bright they would hurt the eyes in the sunlight. Beautiful.


I'd write a longer post but you know, 8 loads of laundry and all. If I don't surface for a couple of days, call for help. I probably got caught in the piles and they won't let me freeeee. ha ha

Penis envy.. ALMOST.

It's such a damn chore when girls have to go. Guys whip it out where ever
and have at 'er. And no shame about where they 'go' .

I was at the dog park and sure enough, I recognized the familiar stance of a guy with his business whipped out and probably spelling out his name. I don't get the entertainment value of being able
to spell your name. Four letters? Puleease..
I have time to sing 'Oh Canada'  ( Yeah, patriotism runs in my family ha ha )

But still, it's a bloody chore. It's not like I can spell out my name. First of all, I'm not
that double jointed while assuming the girl stance nor do I have the ability some females have.
( the ability to stand and um project, if you will )
But when the need hits and I'm a place like the dog park, I wish I had
the ease of the job like they do.
It's such a chore. It really is. While some females have no problem hiding behind a bush,
I refuse to. Honestly? I'm almost embarrassed to admit this but I'm terrified of being
bitten by God knows what in the nether regions.

It's worse when you are like me and have a small 'holding tank', you can't ever be
ten minutes away from a  bloody powder room.
I called it 'Penis Envy... Almost'  because I stop and
think, after witnessing this guy, 'Eww, no hand sanitizer,gross!'
And really? I am the prettier sex and I wash my hands after.

(To give credit I borrowed the term 'Penis Envy' from my doc after asking
 what he thought of female body builders. But that's a convo for another day.)

Till then, things are looking fabulous beyond the kitchen window.
:-)

Probie in training- Ode to my sister

I didn't expect a career change at this point of my life
but there you have it.
Probie.
It's my name, it's the game.

Training started early, in that small unique shopping mecca.
Looks were deceiving, shadows shifting ever so slightly.
My sister was my trainer. She looked at me, asked me what he was wearing.
I was hooked. The training was intense.
Nefarious characters everywhere, my eyes darted from this person to
that suspicious one lounging over there.
He was talking on the cell, and I knew the moment he made us.
Action was required. I had her back, she had mine.

I hauled her into the building as quickly as I could.
What was that smell?
Following my nose, I fell upon an unbeliveable operation.
Bagels, thousands of them. I looked at my sister and
she gave a slight nod of her head.
Muscles tight with anticipation, I sprang into action.
"Two dozen sesame seed bagels please", I looked at him.
Gathering intel was hard work but it was worth the price.
Even if I had to eat two dozen bagels to uncover his game.
My sister approved. I passed the test.

She told me what the general population didn't know left them
unprotected and defenseless.
But I'm protected for I am PROBIE.
I owe it to my sister. She is the Sensi of this job and I am
her Grasshopper.
I can't devulge any information or names,
the sworn secrecy of the Probie.
It's my name, it's the game.

Canadian Kitchen Whore

http://www.lamsonsharp.com/lamson.html

I'm the best person to take a handfull of loose change and maximize the amount.
I fail miserably when I'm in a kitchen store.

I've just come from some quaint little store that sells so many
fabulous kitchen 'stuffs'. ( Not the 'As seen on TV' kind either.)
Only on the east side of North Amercia would
I come across such a lovely little store.

I went in there a few days ago,walked out without purchasing a single thing (yet I touched everything ha! )
I suffered withdrawls.
Had to go back before I left Massachusetts or it was going to haunt my entire next year.

I'm sitting here with a huge grin on my face.
I'm sad. Pathetic. In need of a kitchen shopoholic anon group.
But 48$ ain't bad ya know. It's not like I spent 500$ but ohhhhhhh I SO could have.
In a snap. ( 189$ for a sauce pan  and they had a whole SET of pans. sighhh )
I have to claim when I cross the border. 500$ would of blew my allowable limit
right out of the water.
I practiced restraint and it hurt like a friggen bi*ch. Damn I'm good.

 Got a few treats for my family, a few articles of clothing for me and a whole
bus load of memories. Fair trade.
I was fortunate to be able to see my good friend with her first grandbaby.
I have to tell you, the maternal side is a MUCH better place to be.
She's paternal side but I know her. She'll be the first to show that baby many 'firsts'
(I think ice cream is high on the priority list.) in spite or despite what her son
and wife say. I agree, it's her rights as a G-ma.

 As much as I've enjoyed my time here though I miss my 'homeland'.
The familiarity of the essence of Canada.

Passing through customs in Toronto , first stop after that? Tim Horton's. Yayyy
Jonsing for one and won't stop till I get that large warm liquid gold.
Even if I have to make the plane wait.

Roots set deep in the bottom of a coffee cup
Eh.

Clarity in the moment

Sometimes there are moments where clarity hits sideways.
I had such a moment today, sitting in my hairdresser's chair.
She and I go back a long ways. I had the good fortune of finding
her at the previous place I went for my hair needs. We hit it off right away.
I 'lost' her for a couple of years and lo and behold , as I was boarding a
plane to Hawaii, there she was. What luck! Or was it.. luck?
She and I have intense conversations once every eight weeks. Anything from
soup to nuts and the messes inbetween. I love those times and conversations with her.

During our visits, when she draws from me, she gives back with the core of who she is , her very essence. She's not even aware she does it with me but I recognize it and feel it.
When I draw from her, I make sure I give back what I take much in the same way.

There's been a decision I've had to make recently and it's not been an easy one but of all people, I knew she'd understand. She bought that T-shirt already.
At a point in the conversation I said that when someone takes from another,
(be it tangible or otherwise ) a person must replace that. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, the decision I had made rightened itself in one fell swoop. I had just balanced my scales and fully understood
why I had made that decision. I actually stopped talking for a heartbeat, I heard the 'click'.
I also know now why I don't have to shield my 'self' from some people. It is what I know on a
much deeper level. Something I recognize instinctively. They give back some 'thing' of themselves, freely, without drawing or pulling from me.
Read up on sensitives and empaths.
No, it's not paranormal, it's just simply (or maybe not so simply) what I am.

As I prepare for bed, I feel a sense of peace. I don't think my dreams
will be invaded with my decision. (Such weird dreams lately but I knew why.)

Clarity, be it the sideways or in your face kind , it's a good thing.
:-)

I'm not my clothes.

But I am what my mood dictates me to be.
Today was a 'skinny' day, let's shop!

I found not one but TWO pairs of jeans. After WEEKS of looking, trying on and discarding.
I'm stoked!
I have to admit, though, I'm a lazy shopper. I walk in, grab the first unwilling sales associate
(good customer service? Don't get me started ) and make her earn her wage for that hour.
Hey, I did admit, I'm a l a z y shopper. Truth? I hate shopping most days.
Today, my friends, was a good day for I had the pleasure of being approached by a smiling and willing
sales associate. Yes, I said smiling and willing.
Now that, in customer service, equals a lottery win.
She scoped me out, or rather my body type and found me two HOT pairs of jeans.
And size 28?! Somebody pinch me, yeah?
The look on hubby's face when I walked out of the dressing room with them sealed the deal.
That boy appreciates me in a good fitting pair of jeans me thinks.

So, one thing off my list, one more to go.
An equally hot pair of bitch boots or a 'come on, I dare ya' pair of shit kickin' boots.
Maybe both...I've been known to wear each mood with conviction.
 :-)

Foil, Fools and Facing Facts

Foil

Today I donned my Mama cape , fired up the Jeep and became 'Meals on Wheels' for my eldest daughter.
Armed with a bag full of frozen food foil containers  ( today's letter, kids, is the letter 'F' ) I became a woman on a mission. Get out of my way.
My mission, that I took upon myself to create, was to feed my beauty healthy home made food. She keeps crazy hours at work ( mostly due to childish insubordinate staff that she manages but that's a story for another day) and I know she doesn't eat home food much since moving out.
Well, we'll have none of that thank you very much. Now when I make supper, out comes that handy dandy little container. Don't matter if the family wants seconds, my kid will get her share. :-)
Mission accomplished,I'm satisfied. And I STILL get to mother her in my own sneaky little ways.

Fools

The lot of them are for sure. What IS it about this city that makes drivers treat these roads like the Indy 500?
Ok sure, I ran into a cement cylinder a few nights back, but people! that was in a parking lot doing 7 miles an hour. The fool that passed me today,( doing oh 45 above the speed limit ) cut me off, flipped ME the bird and ran the red? Fool, a dangerous one at that.

The three of them were for sure. Little sisters, you think I'm old? You , in your young twenties? Yes we were eyeing the same pair of jeans at the Gap but honies? I've had two kids, I have more curves born out of the sheer act of birthing those babies. And want to know the truth, if I wasn't happily married and decided to become a cougar, you little sweethearts couldn't hold a candle in many areas. I know what I want and how to get it, you are still trying to figure out where you're going and asking for directions.
By the way, you'll be MY age before you know it. You WILL experience the same moment you put me through.
Silly little fools.

I shake my head at some of the relationships I witness sometimes. Love , if it's a mathmatical equation, isn't readily understood by all. Lust? 2 + 2 down pat. Status, money, looks, the car. Yep, that'll keep you warm on a deep down level, happiness is yours to have. 'He's hotter to me because all the women look at him', ( are you shittin' me?! ) I'm twenty 28 years into my relationship, let me tell you the LONG road it takes to get here. Oh sorry, you know that already do you?
Fools in denial.

Facing Facts

I took quite a bit of time this weekend to think and process. It's been a year of let downs and tough realities. Some years are easy, some are not. C'est la vie. ( that's life ) I've had quite a few changes happen in the last few months and anyone who knows me, knows I can take it on the chin. But in doing so, I have had to accept a few home truths. Nope I'm not twenty anymore, I can't go indefinitly without sleep, I don't have the patience I used to and damn it all if some parts of me are rebelling. ( two upcoming surgeries , both unavoidable and yeah, I'm pissed about it ) But I've also come to accept that certain situations need to change. So I've declared the month of October as 'Me' month. It is a work in progress.
Facing Facts, not for the faint of heart. lol

And remember kids,
Today's letter is the letter 'F'

:-)

But I didn't SEE it!

Today was really busy with all I had to do, I was looking forward
to my coffee date with my good friend, Princess. ( a.k.a Michelle )
People watching, good conversation and laughing till
the tears were rolling down. ( get her to tell you about the canoe incident. City girls
and canoes don't mix. PERIOD )

But as is all good things, it had to come to an end. Sunday night's to do list still
to be done. Monday mornings come early enough. UGH

Off we go, ambling towards our cars, laughing about old Chapters days.
We get in, wave goodbye to each other. She veered right, I stepped on the gas,
intending of feeling the pull of the left hand turn and BANG! I heard
the sickening sounds of metal crunching on...something?
WTF? I blinked, confused. Hm, what just happened here?
And just WHERE did this STUPID light standard come from???

I backed up,peeling my jeep off and steered around it, goosing the gas pedal. I WAS going
to feel the g-forces of that left hand turn damn it! I made it home, parked the Jeep,crossed my fingers and opened my door.
Please God, I prayed, don't let it be too bad.

A good portion of the wheel well is torn in half, there's a big fat scratch and dent just before the driver's door, my pride in tatters. But I started laughing, partly due to nerves, partly due to the fact I now have to tell my hubby what I did.

In the many years since I've had my driver's licence I have NEVER done anything like this.
Believe me, you don't live where I do and manage to avoid accidents ( fool damn drivers )
without testimony to your driving skills.
And what do I do?? Run into a DAMN 4 foot cement cylinder that I"m parked ONE stall
away from.

Did I mention  I still have to tell hubby? GULP.
The 'GULP' is not from fear, he has never made me feel that, but rather from
embarrassment. And I know myself, I'll start bawling like a baby when I
tell him.
It's hard for me to wrap my head around what I did. I'm not perfect by any means,
don't get me wrong. But I just don't DO things like this.

Princess, you're picking me up next time. Apparently I can't see a lit light standard at night in
a parking lot that I'm parked right beside.
I would of rather been in that canoe with you and tumbled into the lake.

Time to face the music.... um, well maybe tomorrow when he calls.

** Addendum

I ended up txt'ing him. ( in my defense, I tried calling him first )
He called me within 5 seconds of me sending that text. He hadn't read it yet.
And true to form, I started bawling right away.
It frustrates him when I cry, I can't be understood and his initial
reaction is ' Shit, what happened now?? ' If I can't get it out right away
it's almost suspended time for him waiting to hear, I understand him on that. My heart goes to
the FLOOR when one of my daughters call crying hard. No matter the reason, the
reaction is always the same.

It's days like this I miss my Oh Shit Handle ( read the previous blog if you haven't already)
with every fiber of my being. I need a hug from him, that's what will chase it all away.
He'll be home in four days, I have no choice but to wait.
For now, I'm off in search of a hack saw to cut off the offending piece of fender.
hmm why does that make me feel better?
I know.. I'm 'erasing' my stupid mistake.
Sigh.

Boys don't make passes...

Remember that phrase? I HATED it. Mostly because back in my day, it held true.
Want a few names I was tagged with as a tween/teen?
Four eyes, coke bottom glasses, goggles.
So powerful back then. Very much in the past now.
Or is it?
I had glasses since I was four.
Life would be SO much simpler without glasses but my husband doesn't understand why I refuse laser treatement.

Number 1- I'd rather put the money towards something better; new clothes, books, boots, shoes, more shoes or more books. Get my drift?

Number 2 and more importantly-  I wear mine like a security blanket, a naked face leaves me vulnerable,open,unprotected. With them I can see and clearly at that but my glasses will reflect your inquisitive or rude stare right back at you. After all,I can't have you looking in at will and see things I don't want you to. Prescription sunglasses? Well  HA! that's my ARMOR. I am invincible with them. Cloaked and capable.
In the past..that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I love today's world, glasses are a fashion statement now and I'm more than happy to spend the 6 or 7 hundred on a new pair every couple of years.
Who am I with this new pair? Sassy? Serious? Sophisticated ?
Who cares? I get a 'new' me and you STILL can't see in, my secrets safe,my privacy intact.

Let's talk honey.

Honey,how do you eat yours? Me, with peanut butter and toast. Comfort food, I tell ya.
Where I'm from my favorite as a child was the wax honeycomb on top of that container of honey.
Grown locally thank you very much.
It was our natural chewing gum.
Ok so it didn't last long but the velvety texture, the way it moulded to our teeth when we bit
down , the 'pop' it gave when we pried it loose. Hey, that was entertainment. :-)
My father eats it every day without fail. And GOBS of it on his english muffin, bagel or toast.
Makes me shudder to think of how sweet that bite must be but oh how he loves it with his
cuppa tea. Long after he's gone, I will remember his pure enjoyment of his tea breaks.


My hairdresser, Shauna  Anela Salon  gave me a jar of honey from Hawai'i I can't begin to describe the flavor, unlike anything we have here in Canada. ( and speaking of..Hawai'i pineapple? Something like Michelle's mango tree in Jamaica. Second to NONE ) It's not as instantly sweet as our honey. It's texture is more cream like, a delicate long finish in it's subtle flavors. I can't wait to get some for my dad only I realize I will become his honey dealer after he's experienced a Hawai'ian honey. :-)

I am going to bed happy in the thought that I will be enjoying some warm golden toast with natural
peanut butter and that ohhh so sweet honey tomorrow morning.
And to honor my dad, I think I'll complete the moment with a hot cuppa tea.
A lovely way to start my day and
enjoy the view outside my kitchen window.

My 'Oh Shit' handle

You know that handle that's in your car or truck?
The one  you hang on to when your partner is rounding a corner to fast?
In my family we call it the 'oh shit' handle. ( ok so it's used mostly when I'm driving haha )
Cause you know, what do you say when you think this is it: "we're going to crash",
"we're not going to make it around the corner!", "we're going to race the train?!?"
'Oh SHIT!'
And so we brace ourselves.

I was thinking of that today, that 'oh shit' handle. My hubby's home for the next couple of
days and as always, he unwinds. Well, let's define 'unwind'. In his world, it's taking his wife (me)
and running her ragged. Here, there, every frikken where lol . I sleep well at night.
But there's a trade off to having him home.
He likes to bitch and complain about things.
The neighbourhood
The drivers in our city
Those bloody barking dogs of ours.
To name a few.

It drives me nuts because as much as I can tune out my daughters
( no disrespect intended but hey, I raised TWO teenage daughters, you LEARN to tune out)
I can't tune that man out when I want or need to.

He demands my attention.
So today, as I was listening to him , thinking how good my whiskey and diet coke
was going to be , I looked at his 'oh shit' handle and thought of what was my anchor
in days like this.

Damned if it wasn't HIM.
I laughed out loud and couldn't share with him when he asked.

He's my 'oh shit' handle. He is what I turn to when I need to line up all
my worries and chase them away.
He's what I need when I am at the end of my rope with my daughter's mood.
( God love her, I know I do. )
And he's what I trust when I need straight up answers. When I can't trust the rest of
the world with the weight of it.

Well I'll be damned.
He makes me look for that 'oh shit' handle and darned
if he isn't it. LOL to funny.

Think about it for a moment or a day and tell me: what is YOUR 'oh shit' handle in this world?

I'm not a credit to my gender

I hate shopping.
Can you believe that?
I have to be in a very specific mood to shop and I will
give credit to my hubby for trying to help me last night.
And try he did.
Offering me jeans of 129$ without hesitation, without blinking.
But it wasn't working for me. Damn, why can't I be what they claim my gender is?
Those were hot jeans too, sigh.

Why a specific mood? Truth? I shop better alone.
Like reading, I have to be alone.
Waking up in the morning, I love that couple of hours solitude.
And yes, I set my alarm to have it.
Yet I can't stand being alone more than two days running.
Persnickety aren't I.

I'm going to head out tomorrow and scope around for jeans and maybe
a pair of shitkickin' boots, (another name for cowgirl boots)
I've been in the mood for a pair of those lately.
I've had a need to touch back to my roots and like an itch, it won't go away
till I scratch.
I'll bring my husband to those stores and let him spoil me, he'll get a kick out of
'finding' what I am looking for.
And hopefully I'll have a new pair of boots to welcome Autumn.
Not bad, not bad at all. :-)

Daily bread

Is there anything more satisfying  than the look of yeast when it's proofing?
Yeah, there is. The kneading of the dough.Well, fall TV shows and good whiskey too but I digress.

I"ll never own a bread machine, I won't deny myself  the theraputic pleasure
of working the dough into that lovely smooth dome.
The sheer satisfaction of providing the basic needs to your family.
( in our household, bread is a basic NEED , like bathing and our blackberries haha)

I didn't have any epifanies today nor did I solve any problems but I made bread.
In today's busy world that, in itself, is an accomplishment.

It's been a while since I've blogged

A look through my kitchen window might find you looking at me looking at you.
I will wonder what makes you tick, what brought you to this point.
I have a need to get to know you, figure out where you fit in my life.

At times you will look in but I won't see you. I'll be lost in thought, trying to figure out my
next move. OrI'll be savoring a hot cuppa coffee, willing time to slow down and let me catch up.

My family, quite simply put, is my world. I'm trusting that this world outside my kitchen window
will treat them with the respect I've shown them they deserve. So I stand at this window and watch. Ready
at a moment's notice to usher them inside if they need it, ready to guide them outside
when the time comes.
If you've stood there long enough looking in my window, you've come to know my kitchen is the pulse of my family life,the heart of my home.

At the same time, as I stand there, I know there's a world of possibility waiting for me and hopefully though this blog,we'll both find out what it is.

I look forward to finding out what's beyond my kitchen window.