Oct 18, 2014

For Today

For Today

Outside my window...
I am looking at the waning light. The days are short, the geese are flying and that is all things bad to me. Winter is at my door step once more. But not any old winter, we're told to expect the 'T-Rex' of winters.
Oh joy. Oh so not. 

I am thinking...
of the ocean. And how much I want to be walking along the shore of the pacific one right now. 

I am thankful for...
my husband. Always.   
From the Kitchen...
my heritage bubbled in the pot for 4 hours. My daughter made some of the best cretons we've made to date. My grand baby can eat that stuff by the fork full. Give me toast with butter and you just pass me that stuff my way, thank you very much. 

I am wearing...
I am starting to hate this question. Let's just say I am wearing the usual ' at home and don't rightly give a shit what I look like' attire. Savvy?

I am creating...
I gots nuthin', Peeps. Nuthin'.
I am going...
to get my flu shot this week. After last winter's H1N1 crap, I'm not inclined to revisit that type of sickness again. Ever. 

I am reading...
I am reading with my new 'water' kobo!  Oooh yeahhh, colour me happy :-D. ( the new H20 kobo, drop it in the tub and ppffhhhtt no prob, Bob, it's water safe. Ha! (not that I have ever dropped anything in the tub. I am terrified of doing it but there's a comfort in knowing if I did, my e-reader would survive intact ) 

I am hoping...
For a successful operation my husband will probably have to undergo just before Christmas. I'm not sure how I'll manage it while they have him under. Really strong coffee? Damn it, I wish it was over already. :-( 

I am hearing...
One of the dogs snore. Which he's now perfected to sound like my husband. How the hell does a dog manage that anyways?? 

Around the house...
Meh. . nothing exciting. Waiting for the permit to build the garage out back. Just what hubby needs to keep him busy. . 

One of my favourite things...
Coffee meets where your peeps put down the cell phones and keep them that way!
Wha. .??  Yup. Truth.

A few plans for the week...
Not too sure. I downloaded over 70 hours of photographic video. Watching a part of them would be a safe bet.
Here is a picture I thought worth sharing...

These 3 might have given me the white hairs I not so proudly sport but they flat out rock my world. 

Sep 11, 2014

I am honestly curious. .

I am honestly curious. .

I've been having an ongoing conversation with my youngest daughter about the point in your life when you decide to call it quits.To just let it go.
She's struggling with a few issues she is having trouble working through. Justifiable ones in my opinion,putting aside I'm her mother. There comes a point, I told her,where you KNOW you are done, you understand you are at the point where there is nothing to hang on to, nothing left to try to fix.

To a friend of mine, all it took was one line. In text. No more than eight words. BOOM! It was done. She was finally free and quite giddy on the power of closure. I am so very very happy for her because in letting go, she found herself again.
How much more of a great 'ending/ restart' is that, I ask.

I think as one gets older that 'limit' gets considerably shorter. Time speeds up at a ridiculously stoopid rate and my limit is much much shorter than someone 20 years my junior. And that's the glorious beauty of being my age, I have nothing to prove to anybody, I don't have to take what I don't want and I well recognize my worth. I am worthy of getting back the effort I put in and I flat out won't settle for less.


I am honestly curious. .

How do you deal with change? Some take it like a pro, others fall apart. Me? I've had enough of it to learn to go with the flow. Finally.
Doesn't mean I willingly embrace it all the time. Sometimes I want to build a blanket fort, take my crayons and paper in and nail a no trespassing' sign to the chairs holding up my blankies.
Other times I long for it. Life's getting short and I need a good shake up now and then.
But I'd like to think I'm pretty well balanced. The good, the great, the mediocre and even the fugly shit.


I am honestly curious. .

Can I take your word for it? Is it as good as a signed contract? You would like to think so, wouldn't  you. . I will tell you that it is a rare thing these days. I am not sure how a person goes about carelessly throwing out , " For SURE you can count on me" and not give another thought to it. Holy crap, that right there drives me around the bend. Well, until recently if truth be told.  It took me a long time but I'm learning to lower my expectations in things. ( My mom always told me I expected too much from people, she was right on some levels.)
This year, however, seems to be a year of change. After a huge (and final) disappointment(those pesky expectations of mine once again) I made a promise to myself (and my husband) and I followed through on it. A promise to him alone would be the driving force but it was as equally important to me personally to follow through.
If you know me in RL, you know when I say something you can take it to the bank. After all, a big fat bank account is much more satisfying than an empty unused/unfed one.
It's the old adage, 'If you talk the talk, walk the walk'


I am honestly curious. .

Can you go into your Facebook and cull your 'friends' list? For every 100 people on your list can you delete 5? I have routinely done this every six month or so in the last 2 years and I'm at a point where I am comfortable with who's there. It's happened to me that I've gotten requests and I've sent out a hello. Upon not being rated high enough for a response, I promptly deleted those people.
Again, life is too short for nosy/rude peeps.
So. . can you? Delete 5 for every 100 on there? lol Good luck with that. ;-)


I am honestly curious. .

What did you think of this blog post?

Aug 17, 2014

The day the mountain crumbled

The Frank Slide

90 million tons of limestone rock slid down Turtle Mountain within 90 seconds.
I can not imagine the sound of a mountain letting go nor what the miners (who were underground at the time) felt after they dug themselves out. What they saw or rather didn't, which was the east side of Frank gone.

Read the write up on it, or google it. Or, if you can, hop in the car and drive through it, like we did. Wow.

Aug 8, 2014

This That and Other Things. All of which matter.

It's an overcast day at the moment, perfect time to haul out my camera and go play. But nope, laziness has struck me and here I sit at Starbucks people watching. Ohhh how I LOVE people watching.
I really really should be a street photographer ( full disclosure, I'm reading up on it like mad, studying the works of the greats ) but one needs people and busy, craziness and the heart of a city. At the very least a BIG town.
And if I've been struck down beaten by laziness then I'm sure not hopping in my car and driving an hour ( factor in construction, lights and traffic. Geezus SHOOT me now, I'm cringing at the thought ) to do it.
Not today.
For my tomorrows, however, that's another story. Oooohh I am looking forward to it, my trigger finger itches and I must scratch that itch. Soon.

However, my learning curve lately has been of a different kind altogether. And it's on a 'must learn' basis. I must, for my youngest daughter's sake.
She has been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and she's a lifer with it. Basically it becomes a gluten, dairy and sugar free way of life.
I know, right? Not for the faint of heart.
She surprised me by embracing it right away for she is not one to accept change easily or readily. I am proud of her and it's been a learning experience ( yup, you can teach an old dog new tricks go figure! )
Sugar free no prob. I am a hypoglycaemic and have followed that diet since she was 9 months, it's a way of life they were brought up with.
But gluten and dairy free? Whoa! no more white/whole wheat flour, no milk. Limited cheeses ( I am on the hunt to find a brand of Daiya cheese she'll actually like. But for now, we have Swiss )
I watched her crumble the other day at the sheer amount of sacrifices she's had to make. Literally from one day to the next. It broke my heart to watch her struggle, to want what she can't have. We all have our moments where we want to say, 'Screw it' but she can't. This is her health and life at stake.
I made her go wash her face, left her daughter with Papa and we went to Bulk Barn. Buckwheat, oat, brown rice, almond, coconut flours among a few others. Tapioca and potato startch, pure buckwheat pasta, sugar free dark chocolate chocolate chips ( holy shit, why helllooo there chocolate ) a few of the things we bought.
Yup, she is going to eat bread and pasta again. Ask me about the delicious sugar , gluten and dairy free blueberry muffins we've mastered. To go along with the lactose and sugar free chocolate icecream we have in the freezer.
As she says, ( when she nails and posts a certain recipe for something she craves ) ' Because F U PCOS'
Proud? Just a wee bit. She comes out swinging when something tries to knock her out.
And she usually wins. This is one war she has no intentions of losing.
Because Fuck Ya, that's my Boo. :-)
(As an aside, she's lost 34 lbs and still going! Hard works pays off, Peeps. She's living proof)

The internal war that my eldest daughter has been and is still fighting. (how does one survive the heartache of watching two daughters hurt, fall and fight these wars. well one simply does and it is a pretty sweet deal when they triumph)
It's been a long long time watching my eldest be unhappy. She's been struggling to find her footing and direction in this sometimes cruel stupid narrow-minded world and I've been powerless to help her along her way. ( One of the most impactful things I got from her was what she told me a few years ago. 'Mom', she said after I wished pain upon myself instead of my kids, ' Some times there are things that are not your path to walk'.
Yup, pretty much stopped me in my tracks and blew me away. She was 100% right on the pin.
No, it doesn't make it easier but it allows me to be stronger for them when they are on such a path.
I know, right? She's a master at logic. It's how she won many an argument with me when I said no and fell upon the , 'Because I said so' line.
Anyhow, like I said, it's been a while. She left a 3 year relationship that should of ended a year into it, struggling to regain 'self' which she did. Not an easy task when bitterness and pettiness from the other side kept smacking her in the face. Repeatedly.
She left a job she was climbing the managerial level in but wasn't happy. That's mi Bella, high 5's babe.
She went back to University! Oh hell ya. After six years of being out of school she went back to what is a world away from high school. But she went back older, wiser, more mature and able to handle this type of educational environment. One of the biggest changes of her young life. ( yet was she ever young I wonder, she's such an old soul that one )
She has worked her damn butt off. Being recognized by the Dean, 3.9 GPA, scholarship. Yeah, she's owning that education and the thousands of hours pouring over papers, reading, writing writing writing.
Brain fed. Check.
Heart? Another matter. She dated, she flirted and she got into another year long relationship. This one was rough on her as well. Her heart was involved but his wasn't. And truth be told, he was full of warts that affected her on many levels. Nope, no prince there.
Extraction from this was hard and painful. She floated, trying to regain her balance and in the effort made some steps towards the same type of situation. Only to be hurt and hurt over and over.
Hard to watch your kid hurt, I felt it, I cried and raged. Wanting to hurt the assholes that couldn't see what she had to offer.
Okay in truth, I always want to hurt those that hurt my daughters. Some I want to scratch and punch, others I want to do worse to. But it isn't my place, unless asked. And lucky my girls are smart enough not to ask, I'd probably make the 6 o'clock news and their father would probably be jailed.
But lately, I have watched her change. Gone is the heavy sad look in her eye. I see a clear twinkle in there, a ready laugh and a. . lightness about her.
She's in heavy heavy like. ( I have no idea if it's tipped into love , she's yet to tell me )
I have goosebumps as I write this, such is my happiness.
This relationship is different, I can see it, feel it and I LIKED her girlfriend right off the hop!
This woman has beautiful kind eyes, there's a natural genuine friendliness to her that comes across instantly. ( remember I'm a people watcher and an Aquarian. Ergo: I can spot a fake from a mile away, and can pretty much sum you up within the first 5 minutes )
And she respects my daughter, how the hell can I NOT like her?!
I can't tell you how much of a soothing balm it is to my heart to watch my baby become her 'self' again. I can't put it into words.

****For those of you who have issues with homosexuality with your kids let me tell you two things:
#1- You have absolutely NO business picturing them and what they do sexually. Be it with a man or a woman. And if another woman makes your daughter happy then get on board. Stat. Because, at the end of it, that's what matters. Inner peace, happiness and someone to embrace life with.
#2- Homosexuality does NOT define WHO a person is. It is not the sum of what they are. They are humans and that means layers and layers of complexities, of personalities. . of characteristics. Love them for who they are not who they are sleeping with. ****

So it's been quite a time of it this year to watch both my 'babies' struggle, fighting to put one foot in front of the other and make sense of the direction their lives are heading in.
I've always said it and will say it again, I've got me two very strong women on my hands. Their dad and I can take some of the credit but mostly you best give it to them because they are full deserving of who they are, what they are becoming and where they are heading.

As for my end, I can now start to concentrate more on 'me' and I will be honest, I am looking forward to it. In the last four months, I've undergone some changes myself and am really enjoying the benefits of it.
I have let go of what I needed to, turning my concentration and efforts to where they are needed. I am happier. More free. Of expectations, of disappointment, of acceptance in things I am powerless to change.
Oh don't get me wrong, I am still working on things, some of which will take me a little while to work through but one foot in front of the other. Slow and steady, she will win the race.
Just like my beautiful daughters.

Happy trails, Peeps.


Jul 15, 2014

That moment when. .

. . it's the middle of night and the dog goes from dead asleep to flying off the bed barking his fool head off. I go from a DEEP sleep ( which by the way is very difficult to achieve ) to instantly awake with my heart racing out of my bloody chest.
I think I'm going to buy a nerf gun, keep it close and and shoot the little frigger every time he pulls that crap. Do you know how long it takes me to fall back asleep after??

. . I want to get out of my vehicle at a red light, walk over to the very new very yellow convertible corvette, tap the old dude on the shoulder ( I'm talking white hair with, yes, the famous comb over) open palm gesture the entire vehicle and say, " Why, old man, why? "

. . I can finally
                                (fess up, you are SO singing it right now :-P)

. . the fence goes up between me and my neighbour and we're suddenly on speaking terms after 4 years? Yup, the old adage holds true, Peeps.

. . I get woken up by the sound of a steaming hot cup of coffee being placed on my bedside table. I'd marry that boy all over again on that one alone.

. . I think I'm all clever, stealthy and shit. ( I tried bringing up the James Bond tune in my head but all I came up with was the Pink Panther. Oh well, more my style )
I'm still giggling over my cleverness. Hey, give me this one mmkay? it doesn't happen often.

. . I write a post in my blog after a long long time of not writing anything.