To honour of a mother I wasn't born of

To most of you who have your mothers still or who's mothers are in heaven looking down and smiling upon you, I hope you have a great day with them or remembering them.

I want to take a moment to honour my own Mother. No I wasn't born of her but she's fought and struggled to be my mom since she came into our lives.

My bio mom died when I was . . 6? 7? I don't remember much, her memories are like faded snapshots from long ago. Without the few photographs we have of her, I wouldn't remember her at all. But don't be sad for me, I'm not. From what I remember, she wasn't that much into. . . parenting, let's just say.

My father was lucky enough to meet and fall in love with this women who's strength knows no bounds. Still to this day, she's one of the strongest women I've ever come across.
She'd have to be. Married at the tender age of 22, four children and my dad in tow. Her parents warned her it wasn't a wise thing to do and she was in for a hard life. < go figure! :-/ >
But love is what love is and, like her strength, it knows no bounds.
I have to be honest, if that was me, knowing what I know now having raised two girls, I would of ran for the hills.
I think back to what we put her through and I just sit and shake my head.
Hell. Just sheer hair pulling sanity trying hell.

Not at first mind you, we were young and cute as buttons but the cute era only lasts so long with the teenage years materializing and as the saying goes, ' hormonal highway going hell bent for leather'.
Throw in an extremely difficult half brother with a major chip on his shoulders, problems from him best left unsaid, she eventually found herself with three teenage girls of various ages, graced with three vastly different, at times difficult personalities and by then a wee babe at home.
Having raised two girls and knowing what I know now, I would of RUN.
How she survived those years, I have NO idea but my admiration of her, my love for her has grown 100 fold over the last ten years.

I won't go into details but there were some years we went without speaking. I refused to forgive her for being. . human. For being strong, for things she had no control over. For things she couldn't be to me. I said cruel hateful things to her and I was well in my 20s by then, a time I should of known better.
Even to think of how I treated her sometimes still brings tears to my eyes. It's my guilt I know and although I know she's past it, I've yet to fully forgive myself but that will come.

When I go home for a visit now, I visit my MOTHER, in every sense of the word. I hug her and feel the love coming from her, I bask in it. In those hugs comes forgiveness from both of us, the years of hell I put her though, forgotten on her end, a mother's end. To her it's past and it's where it will stay.
I smile at her with my heart, hoping she knows how I feel now, where we stand. We greet each other as mother and daughter, as friends. At long last.
I take the love she's always had for me, regardless of what I did, I let it sooth away the stresses of my life. Yeah, I'm still greedy enough to take certain things from her and that I'll take.

I want to dedicate this weekend to my MOTHER, the woman who has loved me through it all. She, who took on the weight of another woman's four children, had one of her own and somehow miraculously survived it all.
For those of you who think I am strong, come follow me home and meet the woman who taught me what strength is.
She's who I will try to be like till the day I die.
Come meet my Mom.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.
❤❤