October PhotoADay- Tough month. ugh.

I found this month so tough to complete, I think it was the the lack of sunshine. 

But I'm happy I pushed through the laziness

I hope you enjoy October's efforts. 

Gnawing on the straps. . .

In an effort not to scream.

Google Image

Honest to goodness conversations of late


* At the restaurant.

-My daughter ( after perusing the menu ): We'll have the Cesar Salad to start, followed by a pizza.
-Young (chatty. Oh joy. Oh bliss) waitress: Okay, I won't write it down even if I got in trouble the other day for it. But I have an excellent memory and it's only 2 things. Ha ha.
- I flag her down after 10 minutes: Excuse me, can we have our salad?
-Waitress: Oh Crap! I knew there was something I forgot.


Are you freaking kidding me?

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*At home

Daughter: Standing at the sink, changing her position: Ouch! My hip is locking up.
Almost 5 yr old grand daughter: Not ten minutes after a meltdown of epic proportions: Oh Mom, you're such a wah-wah.

:-/

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*In queue for popcorn line at the theatre

-Lady behind my daughter - (apparently my daughter didn't move up fast enough): Excuse me but are you in line for popcorn?
-Daughter: turning around, cheek muscle working: Um. . . seriously? ( you mean this isn't the line up for the toilets?? )

Would you like her to crawl into the guy's back pocket standing in front of her?  

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*At the drive through coffee shop

-Daughter ordering me a coffee: Medium coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener, half hot water please.
-Girl over the intercom: Okay that will be medium coffee, 1 milk, 2 sweetener , half hot chocolate.
-Daughter: No, it's a medium coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener, half hot water, not hot chocolate.
-Girl over the intercom: Oh sorry, so that's medium coffee, 2 cream, 1 sugar and 1/2 hot water.
-Daughter: Let's try this again, mmkay? a medium coffee with TWO MILK, ONE SWEETENER and HALF HOT WATER. ( she's over enunciating at this point to make herself clearer..? )
-Girl giggling over the intercom: Oh I'm SO sorry. So that's a large coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener with 1/2 hot water.
-Daughter: biting her lip and giving up: Large it is.

Daughter drives up to the window takes the coffee, opens the lid and sure as the sun rises, it's half hot chocolate and cream.
I move to have this one fired. Like. . . now. 

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*At the grocery check out counter

-Cashier: Wow, this cucumber feels rough.
-Me: Um, that's because it's a zucchini. . .?
-Same cashier six items later: What do you call this kind of squash again?
-Me: A honey dew melon. :-/
-You guessed it. Same cashier: I'm sorry, the machine is not accepting your credit card.
-Me: That's because it's a debit card, s w e e t i e.

I give up.

  

Observations from my world today

I have no thinking skills after 5 pm. I'm done. Don't ask me questions or expect me to remember. Anything.
#write a sticky note or ten. On brightly colour paper with thick black permanent marker.

I have no energy after 6 pm. Don't ask me to get up off my duff, I"ll flip you the bird. Which is code for. .you guessed it, Umm, ya..HELL NO.
#unless you are bleeding profusely or are on fire, I can't hearrrr youuuuu.

I have half the patience I used to be blessed with and it wasn't much to start off with. Don't test me at any point during a 24 hour time frame. It won't end pretty.
#ask the idiot salesman that knocks on my door during supper hour.

I love my children ♥, maybe more so before the hour I turn into a bitch. Which is any given hour if they bug me too much.
#g'head.try me.

I love my grand baby all to bits but she is going to put me in the loony bin within two years, give or take 12 months.
#sooner. much sooner.

I curse me not being able to have more than half a glass of wine a day. Between the hours of 3 and 5. It's 7:30 and the effects have LONG worn off.
#Fack.

I am seriously thinking of putting a, errr, wacky tabaky dealer on speed dial. To be able to sleep full nights, you understand. Problem is I don't smoke. Such is my desperation.
#so screwed.

Till this menopausal crap is done, I think I need to go live on an island somewhere. And be the sole inhabitant.
#reachable by smoke signals only.Might ignore you.

Why, I ask you. Why??

(image via google)

Observations of the People of MY Walmart. 

(In the space of an hour. Unfortunately,I can never get that hour back)

-Hey Walmart 'Greeter'. Let's discuss your primary duty. To GEE*ARE*EE*EE*TEE. ( Yes, I'm over enunciating but I need to make sure you understand your reason for being here. ) 

Correct me if I'm mistaken but I don't think they don't pay you to stand there with a sourpuss look on that miserable face of yours. Next time I expect a heartfelt warm welcome to your fine establishment (hmmmm) and a Colgate snow blinding smile. Are we square? 

-Okay Sugar,no. Just no. White tube socks don't pair well with black pumps. I don't give a shit what age you are. 

-Hey You! Yeah, you with the cart. Do you see a steering wheel and gas pedal on that thing? This is not the facking Indy 500. I am partial to my right hip bone, Bitch. 

-Omg Honey. . . Can we talk? 

Fake Baking till you are orange, wrong.

Baby pink poofy coat framing that deep amber. . glow? Wrong again.

Your stiletto wedges on the end of your 4'9" frame with yoga pants? I just don't understand. 

Let me help you.Mirrors in isle 4.

Go. Now. 

-Dude! ( because you clearly deserve the title)  Your short leather doo rag covering your salt and pepper hair I can manage to work through but come on, your 60s are staring you in the face. STOP trying to act like a homie. You look like a hunchback with a nasty rash in the nether regions. 

-To the FIVE people I've seen wearing those gawdfauksaken pyjama bottoms. Freakin' STOP. Take a bloody minute and slap on a pair of pants/sweats/shorts.. hell I don't care, just put something ON.  (and to 40 something year old sportin' a really ugly pair..Geezus, seriously? Bedhead, honey. It's called a brush. And btw, it's also called a bra.)  

-May I ask why are you standing there talking to your oil?? Ummm well, I guess talking is ok. Laughing and shaking your finger at it. . . kinda weird, Sunshine. 

-Um hello, Miss Cashier??? I'm in front of you cashing out. Ergo: Pay attention to ME and my purchases. Not your BFF baggerette beside you. I don't care about what happened to you last weekend, yesterday or this morning nor do I need to hear about it while you ignore me and chat it up with her.   

-And, no, I do not want to donate to this/that and every other charity as I'm cashing out. I wish you people would stop asking. If I wanted to donate, I know where to go.  

Sigh. Some days it's not worth chewing through the straps.