Gnawing on the straps. . .

In an effort not to scream.

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Honest to goodness conversations of late


* At the restaurant.

-My daughter ( after perusing the menu ): We'll have the Cesar Salad to start, followed by a pizza.
-Young (chatty. Oh joy. Oh bliss) waitress: Okay, I won't write it down even if I got in trouble the other day for it. But I have an excellent memory and it's only 2 things. Ha ha.
- I flag her down after 10 minutes: Excuse me, can we have our salad?
-Waitress: Oh Crap! I knew there was something I forgot.


Are you freaking kidding me?

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*At home

Daughter: Standing at the sink, changing her position: Ouch! My hip is locking up.
Almost 5 yr old grand daughter: Not ten minutes after a meltdown of epic proportions: Oh Mom, you're such a wah-wah.

:-/

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*In queue for popcorn line at the theatre

-Lady behind my daughter - (apparently my daughter didn't move up fast enough): Excuse me but are you in line for popcorn?
-Daughter: turning around, cheek muscle working: Um. . . seriously? ( you mean this isn't the line up for the toilets?? )

Would you like her to crawl into the guy's back pocket standing in front of her?  

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*At the drive through coffee shop

-Daughter ordering me a coffee: Medium coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener, half hot water please.
-Girl over the intercom: Okay that will be medium coffee, 1 milk, 2 sweetener , half hot chocolate.
-Daughter: No, it's a medium coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener, half hot water, not hot chocolate.
-Girl over the intercom: Oh sorry, so that's medium coffee, 2 cream, 1 sugar and 1/2 hot water.
-Daughter: Let's try this again, mmkay? a medium coffee with TWO MILK, ONE SWEETENER and HALF HOT WATER. ( she's over enunciating at this point to make herself clearer..? )
-Girl giggling over the intercom: Oh I'm SO sorry. So that's a large coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener with 1/2 hot water.
-Daughter: biting her lip and giving up: Large it is.

Daughter drives up to the window takes the coffee, opens the lid and sure as the sun rises, it's half hot chocolate and cream.
I move to have this one fired. Like. . . now. 

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*At the grocery check out counter

-Cashier: Wow, this cucumber feels rough.
-Me: Um, that's because it's a zucchini. . .?
-Same cashier six items later: What do you call this kind of squash again?
-Me: A honey dew melon. :-/
-You guessed it. Same cashier: I'm sorry, the machine is not accepting your credit card.
-Me: That's because it's a debit card, s w e e t i e.

I give up.