Dec 14, 2014

Theatre Etiquette went right over her head

A word to the COW at the theatre.
1- Like you I paid very good money for these seats to the Nutcracker, hosted and performed by our very own ballet company.
2- You are tall and errr 'big boned' so your big head blocked centerstage and with the weaving and bobbing you were doing, talking to your son and daughter none stop you managed to block 75% of the entire stage for me.
3- I very politely informed you of that percentage causing me to be unable to enjoy or see most of the first half.
Your apology was accepted. I thought that was the end of that.
4- WHY in the world would you wait till intermission and all the lights are on to lose your shit on me?? Do you realize where you are in a theatre full of well dressed people. Grant you I wasn't dressed to the nines but it doesn't make me any less classier than them but a whole lot more than you. Raising your voice and picking a fight with me was low ( read: NO )   class and it makes me wonder if you've ever been to a theatre before. . ? I guess the saying 'you can dress them up but you can't take them out ' applies very much to you.
4- I asked you twice in a very low voice if you were sure you wanted to take me on right here right now to which you answered in a resounding 'Yes' and continue to beak off some more till I told you to shut the hell up. You, Madam, and understand I am using the term loosely, were a complete embarrassment.
5- Furthermore added to the embarrassment was your entire family jumping on board and telling me I'm the one who had a problem and they were going to talk to the head usher.  I understand they were backing you up but they were not privvy to the whisper I politely ushered in your ear when you stopped bobbing long enough for me to be able to do so. Talk about group mentality. However, I'd have ALL their hearing checked, they seem to have been unable to hear you beaking off non stop and loudly.  
6-Wonderful lesson you've showed your children on how to behave in a theater. Understand the sarcasm within that statement. And speaking of lessons might I suggest you take some lessons on etiquette, of ANY kind, for I believe you are in desperate need of some.
7- A glass of wine later finds me sitting in the lobby unable to go back in for my want to SMACK you upside the head is greater then the want to see the rest of the show. Given the level of need for such temporary satisfaction, you have no idea how thankful you should be. I refuse to get bailed out of the clinker by lowering myself to your no class level. You are welcome, you little shit. I do have a sneaking suspicion you are sitting in the seat in front of my empty one with a smug look on your face and smirking. Enjoy but I will enjoy the karma bus when it makes a stop in your neck of the woods much much more 
Lump of glossy coal your way, Cow. The kind covered in goat shit. That stuff smells like your personality.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Most times I'll respond back here. Sometimes I"ll answer back via email. Situation depending.