Wordless Wednesday-Orange

Orange you glad it's Autumn 

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.

I am not a credit to my gender. I admit this freely.
I don't like to shop, wear makeup or perfume, dress up in heels or fine clothes. I don't wear jewelry save for a necklace and my wedding ring. Give me a pick up truck or Jeep, I'm a happy girl.
I don't stand on ceremony, I'm not for show.
I know, I know. I suffered a concussion, right? Well no, but I know I'm.. different.

I'll tell ya what I want, what I really really want.

I want a smaller house.
I don't want the space I have or lush carpet that covers my upstairs. Three bathrooms are a pain in the ass to clean. The wood floors are the colour of rich coffee but I don't like them. My walk in closet is not full of clothes but rather starting to look like a catch-all. I have no use for the two other bedrooms I have and I'd rather have a huge country kitchen than a dining room. 


I want a barn house. With a loft. Oh, no loft? Sorry, no go. I need a mostly open concept with a closed off sanctuary bedroom. I want w i d e pine board floors full of knots darkened with age. I want just one bathroom with a half bathroom downstairs. I want to run my hands along the walls,wainscoting breaking up the flat smooth surfaces. I want to see my pot bellied stove in the corner where I can put my feet up on a kitchen chair and feel it's heat, taking refuge in the rocking chair beside it on cold winter days. I want to look out my extra large windows and see the seasons come and go, the wind rustling the long grasses, teasing the leaves on maple trees. I want to see billowing smoke from my neighbour's chimney, too far to walk to, close enough for comfort.


Space. Peace. Solitude. 


Well.. within 15 minutes of town. I am a sociable creature after all, but on my terms. When I want people, I want them within a short commute. I need access to a quaint coffee shop where I can read or surf, the whirl of the grinder in the background, the clinking of spoons mixing that magic elixir. No, not Starbucks, but a little nook run by a person who's seen the world and has settled down to offer it's wonders in my small town.
I want shops where one of a kind merchandise is found, perhaps made by local craftsmen. I want to be able to stroll antique shops, to find that perfect piece that will finish the room. I want to be tempted by the sights and sounds of the farmer's market, where his wife has made delicious pies and fresh cheeses. I want to bring home hand tied bundles of herbs to add to the fragrant pot of soup simmering on my stove, a fresh loaf of bread still cooling.


I want to learn how to throw clay, sharpen my photography skills, maybe learn to carve out a wooden bowl.  I want a mezzanine in hubby's large quanza to secretly paint something when the mood strikes, even if I've no idea how. I want to be surprised if it turns out to be not half bad. 10 years ago I never thought I'd be creative in the least. 


Looking out my workshop window I want to come to realize I've put out roots down, ones I've never allowed myself to take hold.


I want to grab my camera, walk a long some dirt road and capture the wild life grazing on the edge of the woods, ready to take flight if danger comes. I want to photograph crystalized works of art on windows on cold days, to snap a picture story board of a town slowly coming alive. I want to snap young love sitting on the park bench, oblivious to me and everyone else. To portray the beauty of a harvest moon when it's as orange as the pumpkins the farmer's kids are selling. 
These is what inspires me, what feeds my soul.


In a little less than a year and a half I will be turning 50, truth is I fear it so badly some days it all but breaks me and I am powerless to stop it. This is the first time I admit it publicly, in doing so hoping the fear will lessen.
I can't turn back the number but this I can do, I can control what direction I take. This is act 3 of my life, I know how I want the play to go, the scenery to look, the people in it. 


I know what I want. Ha.. what I will have. 
Because you know what? I deserve no less. 

Wordless Wednesday- 'Leaf'ing Summer behind ( yeah, I know.. cheesy )

Monday Morning Blues

Under ice

The beauty of spheres redux

the ebb & flow

For you, Iz 

Cold blue redux

For Today

For Today

Outside my window...

I see clouds, winds and a setting sun. I see summer fading.

I am thinking...

hard. And yes, it hurts. ppffhhtt  

I am thankful for...

my girls, the changes they are currently going through, the strength they show tackling things head on. They done growed up on me.

From the Kitchen...

I see the remnants of yet another successful supper. I also see my daughter clearing up the mess. ( okay okay, I asked her to clean up in a way that wasn't really a question, ha ha ) 

I am wearing...

loose clothes, I pre-monthly, bloated and damn bitchy. Deal. 

I am creating...

not a whole lotta nufins. I am even having trouble blogging. What gives? 

I am going...

to get hubby to take me out tonight for a coffee, in a quiet coffee shop, away from a very energetic 3 1/2 yr old, I call 'Uncle!' She wins . lol

I am reading...

an old favorite trilogy. Can't start on my new book, hubby just got home from the pipeline and if I start it, I'll flat out ignore the boy. He wouldn't be overly happy, me thinks. 

I am hoping...

for eight solid hours sleep. I'm begging the sleep gods to look down upon my sorry self gifting me with this simple, albeit self serving wish. 8 hours. That's all..

I am hearing...

the TV blaring,the grandchild bouncing off the walls and the freakin' dog barking outside. At nothing. I'm slapping a 'For Sale' sign on his neck and tying him to the corner light post. If he's not gone in one hour, I'm taking the sharpie, scratching out 'for sale' and putting ' FREE'. 

Around the house...

is the beautiful sheen of a house just cleaned. Lol, hell don't look at me, I didn't do it.  

One of my favorite things...

is sitting on the computer chair, spinning fast enough to turn my stomach, singing about cats, dogs and dinosaurs. ( what happened to the days when I was a figure skater and could spin faster than any carnival ride??)  

A few plans for the week...
Making like a couch potato in the evenings, the fall season premieres of my shows. One of my favorite weeks of the year. I know.. I'm a loser with no social life. 

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing...

Did I make you look twice?

Wordless Wednesday- Jewels of the...Nile?

                                            

water droplets

on a mirror

           
                                                         

Here's what I learned

about the crazy world of photography:

There are eggshell tender feelings out there with photogs. I see these words all the time " Be kind when you judge my photograph", I simply don't understand the concept of that. Buy a crib and sleep in it if you want to be coddled. Seriously.

Some people hog space for the day's assignment. Yes, Harold, you posted a picture for today but honestly, 20 is overkill.

A question I am asked regularly, "What kind of camera do you have?" It's not the camera, it's the perception of the eye behind it.

It's a very egotistical field. Egos are inflated to bursting point. Actors have nothing on photographers. Mind you, writers beat shutterbugs but not by much. ;-)

I shoot for the layman's enjoyment not the professional's opinion.

Be brutal. Take the picture but delete right away if it's no good. As much as you think you've taken the next best picture ever, you really haven't. Get over it. I delete much more than I keep. Look at your work with a critical eye. Don't be shy, it gets easier the more you do it.

We all get ideas from looking at other photographers's works. Here's the key word, 'ideas'. Incorporate it into your own works but for pity's sake, don't copy cat. Most of us recognize it and honestly, you lose strength to your photographs.

I have never been a very competitive soul, it doesn't 'push' me to do better. In anything. And photography is in the same mix. I only follow a select few sites, a few favorite people who's works I admire. ( Erica & Don )  The competitiveness of it will kill my desire, my originality, my ideas, my very enjoyment of it.

The comments that matter the most are those of my family. They rarely react to my photographs so when I hear an intake of breath, or an 'Oh wow, Mom!' it is what gives me the deepest satisfaction. It is my husband's insistence on downloading the pictures I've shot the minute I step foot through the door. I might not hear ooohs and ahhhs from him but that's not what I need. That simple request is all it takes. This is what stokes me at the highest level. It's what pushes me to challenge myself beyond my comfort level. And take it from me, the technical aspects to photography is like calculus and fractions, bloody daunting.

I have oh so much more to learn and at times I question my ability to do it. Especially when I delete a day's worth of .. crap. And believe me, I can shoot crap. I'll walk away from my camera for a while but  I'll start to miss it and my fingers will itch to pick it up.

I don't have Photoshop to work with or a wide angle lens, nor a crackerjack macro lens for that matter. I lust for them but I refuse to put the money towards it. I take pictures for pleasure, maybe if I made a living from it but I can't justify the cost based on pleasure alone. ( upwards of 4 grand for those.) I sigh over photographs tweaked by Photoshop, photographs taken with those two lenses. How I wish... but I can't so I try to do the best with what I have.

And that's some of the things I've learned/observed about photography.

Wordless Wednesday- Litte Feet

The world is yours, my little Sweet. Blaze your paths with those tiny feet. ♥

Waiting for...what?

She was at a loss most days. Walking around waiting <searching?> for... something. She haven't the foggiest as to what it was. Her life was on hold, caught between act 2 and act 3 with an intermission that wouldn't end.
Wandering the four corners of her world, suspended in limbo with no anchor or paddle. This was not a new situation but this time there was no map to help steer her in a direction, any direction. Not that it would help anyways, she could never tell east from west, north from south. Her husband couldn't fantom it, a never ending source of frustration for him. If he were to be put in the middle of a different land, he would find his way about, driving the 'wrong' side of the road. It would of been nice to have that ability but she wasn't around the day they handed out the memo.

Her children were grown, her house too big. Wandering about in it the quiet was deafening at times, yet a cherished balm after the kids had come to visit. Couldn't have it both ways, she knew.

So why did it seem Life was marching on without her, had it forgotten her part in the years she'd been in it? 
It wasn't playing fair, waking up day after day with a purpose watching as she searched, questioned..trying to find the damn answers. Where had her Life Plan doc. gone? It might not have been full but there had been a haphazard bullet form list, even a diagram if  she was so lucky.

Looking for signs, it was obvious she was unable form a plan or make decisions as of late.
Waiting, confused as to why, not liking the feeling of being lost, out of sorts. She always had purpose and now it was as if there was none. How many times in this lifetime would she have to step back and look for herself? Where and at what point did one get lost like this? It was a frustrating search when she disappeared. As a child hide and go seek was never her favorite game, there was always things to do, places to go, people to see. Why take time and look for..something?
Wondering who called the game she could do nothing but bide by the rules.

The world was getting on with it's own Life Plan but where did that leave her while she sat there waiting <searching?>...
for something.

It's Okay!

It's Okay

...to be able to sleep through the year's worst thunder/lightening storm. Why is it then, I can't sleep through hubby's snoring anymore?


...to take a break from the treadmill and weights. It's just a bitch to start again. 


...to have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Love to keep up, hate that my freedom of speech is impeded due to the personalities on my list. Yeah, I know.. my choice.


...to fold the laundry as I got it...if I get it inside out that's how you get it back, my loves. 


...to people watch. With sunglasses. I so wish I could wear my sunglasses at night. 


...to have an iPhone. It's really ok not to be 'tagged' as to when I choose to read a text or answer one back. Unlike a blackberry. 


...to draw a line in the sand at this stage of the game. I know what I can't take anymore. Like stupidity... greediness.. egos.Yup,  I love my age. :-) 


...to envy the lives of some characters in books. It's been slow, adventure wise, for me this year. Looks like Ima gonna have to shake things up next year. 


...to drive 10 above the posted speed limit, it's frustrating, however,to keep finding myself 20 above. What's my rush? 


...miss my gel nails. It's a lot of work getting my real ones back up to snuff. 


...to have a bad photography day. It's demoralizing to have them run consecutive.

What about you , my bloggy pals, what are you Okay with?