Dear Stupid
I understand there's no medication to help you with your lack of intelligence, such is your problem. Pardon me if I refuse to engage in a battle of smarts. It's like knocking one's head against a stone pillar. The pillar doesn't understand. And well.. neither do you.
Signed,
I think the Pillar's smarter.
I understand there's no medication to help you with your lack of intelligence, such is your problem. Pardon me if I refuse to engage in a battle of smarts. It's like knocking one's head against a stone pillar. The pillar doesn't understand. And well.. neither do you.
Signed,
I think the Pillar's smarter.
Dear Fellow Grocery Shopper,
It's all good to flirt with me in the fungi section, I suppose it's a better place than the pharmaceutical section...?
Signed,
Colour me Complimented.. I think?
Dear Barometer Headache,
Really? Seven days and counting? You suck.
Signed,
Go away, go far far away.
Dear Newton,
I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye. My heart was ripping out of my chest and you were not supposed to see me cry. Much love and big smothering hugs, beautiful dog.
Signed,
Me
Dear Hubby,
You low down, two timing, good for nothing piece of useless hope you get an incurable std and your dick rots off taking you to the cleaners for shits and giggles loser.
You're lucky this was just a dream.
Signed,
Your loving wife :-)
Dear Papau New Guinea Coffee
I love you. You are the reason some people live.
Signed,
Coffee: Never leave home without it.
Dear Kids TV show Characters,
Die already.
Signed,
Not into Creepy little Freaks
Dear Dogs,
I'm leaving for the weekend and NOT taking you. Pardon my excitement at not having too pick up your poop,listen to your ear splitting barks, watch you eat your regurgitated supper,look at you lick unmentionable parts of yourself or smell your disgusting flatulence issues.
Signed,
Dog Free Me Yipeee!
Dear Jehovah Witnesses,
Not about to engage in a discussion about God with you. You have your way and this Catholic has hers. I've been told by enough Christians I'm perpetually wrong, I won't be forgiven, I won't make it through the gates blah blah blah. I don't begrudge them their beliefs nor will I yours. But for pity's sake, don't look at me like I'm the devil's spawn when I refuse your publications or when I shut the door decisively in your face. You people really can be pushy.
Signed,
Just not that into you.
Ok, I admit, you had me a bit flustered at Dear Hubby...and then I was like, uh, why the hell would she write this in a blog and not call me? Call me gullible! :-) <3
ReplyDeleteI, like Dawn, was a little perplexed when I read Dear Hubby!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, especially the Jehovah Witness! We have one of their members stopping by frequently because my Hubby does not want to hurt her feelings. I hide while he talks to his "girlfriend".