I may or may not have:
. . called my stick thin 82 yr old Dad a 'sxy bastard' when he came out of the bathroom freshly showered. He was wrapped up in a long thick towel from just below his chest to just above his knobbly knees. Bones jutting out everywhere. It earned me a hearty snort, which I consider a sign for a successful line delivered.
The man doesn't laugh at simply anything, you know. . .
. . tore some idiot lady a new one in the parking lot. After following her from two streets down when she tried to run me up the median with her car, switching from the right lane to the left one occupied by me. Or. . she tried run into me, I'm not sure which. I might or might not have suggested in a very strong manner she take off those ugly sunglasses as they were a) not doing a damn thing for her and b) making her blind,deaf ( I held the horn behind her from one stop to the other) and stupid.
BUT, and there is a redeeming 'but' here, I ripped her a new one in both official languages, not knowing which she spoke. ( I know, right? I am quite considerate that way)
Aaannnd I can promise you she'll never do that again. .to anyone. You are safe to go forth and command your side of the road with confidence if she's around.
. . told the sweet 4'8" (and a prayer) lady at Timmy's the donut I wanted was on the very bottom shelf but not to worry as she didn't have far to go to reach it.
She froze for the briefest of moments and gave me a megawatt smile. Seems her mother used to say that to her all the time, she thanked me for the memory.
. . went through a 3 way stop sign the other day. Ooopsy.
Yup, I just may or may not have done one or all of these things.