Notes to Self

Notes to Self:

** Do not, and this begs repeating, do not post FB statuses you will have to go and delete 10 minutes later due to stupid ol' Catholic guilt or fear of karma. Even if it was funny and true. Involving a bitch and a bj.

** Understand there are self serving peeps in this world. Seemingly all concentrated around a 20 mile radius. Either that or you are sending out funky pheromones inviting them to cross paths with you on a weekly basis. I wonder if there's an app for that?

** the joy of a four year old is much deeper when her mother's there to deal with it all. :-)

** on the same thread, do not teach 'cup of cheese' to any future grandchildren. You will be sorry.

** When told coffee aggravates pre-menopausal symptoms don't do the polar opposite and start drinking more. That's just stupid reverse psychology.. reversed twice.

** Asshats will be asshats. Can't change them, shoot 'em or banish them to the nether regions. I wonder if I can kick 'em in the kneecap? Hard.

** You've earned each and every dollar you've made listing your stuff for sale. You should commend yourself on holding back your tongue and fingers when composing replies back to some glaringly stupid people. You are rockin' the tongue holdin', my girl! ( hold on tight, you can cut 'er loose when all is done and gone.Keep emails of the stupidest ones)

** When you go back 'home' state to your family here you are reachable during certain times of the 24 hr clock. Like.. let's say.. midnight to 8 am. On text only. With the cell on silent. Only they won't know the 'silent' part. ha ha You smart cookie you.  

** Social days you have should be shouted out in the middle of town. By a town cryer. Complete with scroll and outfit. Dare you request it a town holiday? Compose email to the local paper. Along with suggestions how to get rid of your... yes.. asshat neighbours.

** So what if you grab two of the four fans in the house. You're the one who's premenopausal. Those other two females are young chicks. Fully capable of grabbing the hose and hosing themselves down. Or you will happily offer the task. Make the kind suggestion they tie themselves down to the garden chairs as the shock of the cold water might send them scrambling. Promise them you'll go easy. ( Do white lies come back to haunt a person? Willing to take the chance) 

** You will disallow yourself to grow anything from this day forward. You are a plant killer. An aloe vera plant killer. There! Admitting it is step one. Chuck the ungrateful thing ( because you really fail to see what you did to displease the persnickety thing ) in the garbage. Ground the terra cotta pot to dust, add it to the compost and shut the lid on the whole thing. Problem solved. Ha! How easy was that?

** Burn 'Notes to Self' You have named names. It can potentially, when falling in the wrong hands, come back and burn your butt. Cover all bases. Again, you smart cookie you. :-)

** What about you, my bloggy friends? What are your notes to self?