Picture Post. A 'WTF' edition. . . mostly.

Save me from women like her. Elementary school mom , know it all, over enunciates her words, speaks to make sure she's heard, hisses every one of her 'S's ( my shoulders were touching my ears by the time I left the school.) Facial expressions over the top. A real Martha Stewart who tries to show everybody up and who's kid does NOTHING wrong. And still I managed to shut my pie hole. I so want points for that. 

Who's going to tell the 'boys' what we actually say when we see this? Who's going to tell them we are, in reality,laughing at them? Who's going to ask them if they are compensating for lack of. . . well you know. 

December 22 is supposedly the end of the world. This one came prepared early. 

 Playboy or Gentlemen's Quarterly? You choose.

Sometimes you just gotta laugh. My daughter is like her father. I find things like this at random times. No further explanation needed. 

I may or may not have purchased this wallet for the vintage aspect alone. Yeah. . . it's purdy, ain't it. 

Santa is dead drunk or just dead. Here's your proof.

For Today

For Today

Outside my window... 

it is a November day. Slightly cloudy with the promise of sun. Ask me what that does for me? We've barely had any sun the past month. That screws with a person's trying-to-be sunny disposition. Bad. Come out and play, Mr. Sun, before I'm permanently labelled as the world's biggest bitch grouch.

I am thinking...

of my daughter's upcoming 25th birthday. GULP! Can someone please tell me where she got the colossal nerve to turn such an age? With no warning? Ungrateful brat, can't she think of me and my feelings. . . ? 

I am thankful for...

hubby being home for a week. He's on a 24 day out, 7 day home rotation and working in the gawdforsaken middle of Nowhereville. Not like I can drive the 10 hours to go find him on a whim. When he leaves in a week again, he leaves till the 18th of December.
Oooohh . . . I believe I see retail therapy in the immediate future.
    

From the Kitchen...

All manner of sweet things beckon me. Problem. I can't eat sugar. Uh, big problem, I have been cheating a wee bit. Stupid Halloween's fault. I had ZERO children. Yes, you read that right. Big fat ziltch. Of course the minus whatever it was with the windchill outside didn't make for a happy Halloween for the youngsters at all.
Still. . . their faults I'm STUCK with all this chocolate now. 

I am wearing...

anything but jeans. I'm having a wee bit of a love affair with 'comfy' clothes, ponytail type of look lately. 

I am creating...
well not creating per say. I'm following a pattern. Cross stitch pattern. Purely for relaxation purposes. That and I'm making Xmas prezzies for my three girls. Hush. . . 

  

I am going...

to start planning my 50th bday. Pity party of 1. Don't call me, I'm ripping the stupid phone cord out of the wall. Don't email me, I'll be under the covers in complete denial.
Hey.. it's MY party, I'll cry if I want to.
( yeah, I know.. clever, right?  )   

I am reading...
PINTEREST. No need to say more.  

I am hoping... 
to win the lotto. So I don't have to hide under the covers for my bday. But you still won't be able to call. Unless you want to incur long distance charges in ohhh let's say in Little Brac? (Cayman Islands)  

I am hearing...
hubby starting to pace. I promised him buttermilk pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Guess I best hold my promise. Question is, who'll be doing the dishes?
Yeah... thought so. 
Me.

Around the house...
All the children are asleep, visions of whatever it is adult children dream of dancing in their heads. Best part is, they are sleeping elsewhere. It's just me and hubby. Boo YA! Can you hear the quiet? Ain't it grand!?!  

One of my favorite things...

Coffee.The strong stuff and preferably from Costa Rica. What a lovely caffeine buzz I'm currently riding on. Luuuv it. 

A few plans for the week...
No preset plans for a change. Other than Kickboxing and Full Body Workout classes. And whatever hubby has up his sleeve. 

Here is a picture I thought worth sharing...

I'm willing to drop the sweet things for this! Yummy.  

October PhotoADay- Tough month. ugh.

I found this month so tough to complete, I think it was the the lack of sunshine. 

But I'm happy I pushed through the laziness

I hope you enjoy October's efforts. 

Gnawing on the straps. . .

In an effort not to scream.

Google Image

Honest to goodness conversations of late


* At the restaurant.

-My daughter ( after perusing the menu ): We'll have the Cesar Salad to start, followed by a pizza.
-Young (chatty. Oh joy. Oh bliss) waitress: Okay, I won't write it down even if I got in trouble the other day for it. But I have an excellent memory and it's only 2 things. Ha ha.
- I flag her down after 10 minutes: Excuse me, can we have our salad?
-Waitress: Oh Crap! I knew there was something I forgot.


Are you freaking kidding me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*At home

Daughter: Standing at the sink, changing her position: Ouch! My hip is locking up.
Almost 5 yr old grand daughter: Not ten minutes after a meltdown of epic proportions: Oh Mom, you're such a wah-wah.

:-/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*In queue for popcorn line at the theatre

-Lady behind my daughter - (apparently my daughter didn't move up fast enough): Excuse me but are you in line for popcorn?
-Daughter: turning around, cheek muscle working: Um. . . seriously? ( you mean this isn't the line up for the toilets?? )

Would you like her to crawl into the guy's back pocket standing in front of her?  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*At the drive through coffee shop

-Daughter ordering me a coffee: Medium coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener, half hot water please.
-Girl over the intercom: Okay that will be medium coffee, 1 milk, 2 sweetener , half hot chocolate.
-Daughter: No, it's a medium coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener, half hot water, not hot chocolate.
-Girl over the intercom: Oh sorry, so that's medium coffee, 2 cream, 1 sugar and 1/2 hot water.
-Daughter: Let's try this again, mmkay? a medium coffee with TWO MILK, ONE SWEETENER and HALF HOT WATER. ( she's over enunciating at this point to make herself clearer..? )
-Girl giggling over the intercom: Oh I'm SO sorry. So that's a large coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener with 1/2 hot water.
-Daughter: biting her lip and giving up: Large it is.

Daughter drives up to the window takes the coffee, opens the lid and sure as the sun rises, it's half hot chocolate and cream.
I move to have this one fired. Like. . . now. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*At the grocery check out counter

-Cashier: Wow, this cucumber feels rough.
-Me: Um, that's because it's a zucchini. . .?
-Same cashier six items later: What do you call this kind of squash again?
-Me: A honey dew melon. :-/
-You guessed it. Same cashier: I'm sorry, the machine is not accepting your credit card.
-Me: That's because it's a debit card, s w e e t i e.

I give up.

  

Observations from my world today

I have no thinking skills after 5 pm. I'm done. Don't ask me questions or expect me to remember. Anything.
#write a sticky note or ten. On brightly colour paper with thick black permanent marker.

I have no energy after 6 pm. Don't ask me to get up off my duff, I"ll flip you the bird. Which is code for. .you guessed it, Umm, ya..HELL NO.
#unless you are bleeding profusely or are on fire, I can't hearrrr youuuuu.

I have half the patience I used to be blessed with and it wasn't much to start off with. Don't test me at any point during a 24 hour time frame. It won't end pretty.
#ask the idiot salesman that knocks on my door during supper hour.

I love my children ♥, maybe more so before the hour I turn into a bitch. Which is any given hour if they bug me too much.
#g'head.try me.

I love my grand baby all to bits but she is going to put me in the loony bin within two years, give or take 12 months.
#sooner. much sooner.

I curse me not being able to have more than half a glass of wine a day. Between the hours of 3 and 5. It's 7:30 and the effects have LONG worn off.
#Fack.

I am seriously thinking of putting a, errr, wacky tabaky dealer on speed dial. To be able to sleep full nights, you understand. Problem is I don't smoke. Such is my desperation.
#so screwed.

Till this menopausal crap is done, I think I need to go live on an island somewhere. And be the sole inhabitant.
#reachable by smoke signals only.Might ignore you.