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(This is also the last one I'll fix to have. Ever.)
Wake up at 4:30 am , stupid bladder.
Stupider barking dog outside, window's open. It's cold. Not at my house. Instant awake. (Haven't slept well in eight days, it being not my bed/pillows. No one's fault. )
Photo shoot in the am, oopsy runs overtime, now have to rush to take daughter last minute shopping before flight leaves.
Cram down lunch. Just suffered bad heartburn day before. Afraid to eat.
Go back to parents house, spend last 1/2 hour with my wee neice, won't see her for another year. Sniff.
Pack bag, make sure nothing is forgotten. Swallow tylenol. Headache for eight days, not used to humidity levels. They are through the roof.
Drive to the airport, slow going. Traffic, construction, bad drivers. Need eyes in the back of my head, too bad horn's not broken, I'd exercise my right to use my finger.
Bring car back to rental, go upstairs to ticket counter, long line ups. Wait in line. Wait some more. Shuffle, crawl forward. Sway.. so tired. Finally, our turn.
Flight delayed. Shit. Will miss connecting. Crap. Rescheduling took 25 minutes. Someone get me a chair already.
Hungry, eat fattening
Table over, guy farts. Disgusting pig. Ruined the buzz of the beer, food turning over in stomach. How the hell does one fart in a damn restaurant and not batt a damn eyelash. Could of smacked him upside the head, stinking asshole.
Go to the departure gate, flight that was delayed is even more delayed. Will have 5 minutes to deplane and catch connecting.
Great. Just great.
Finally the plane is ready. Four hour flight ahead of me. TV's not working. Shit. Two boys with Mom in seat ahead of me. 2 Yr old boy reaching new decimals of screeching, Mom does nothing. Shitpissfack. Six year old bouncing off sides of airplane. sigh.
2o something year old in seat beside me. Not only plays air guitar & air drums with hands, he does it with his entire friggen body. The. Whole. Fucking. Four. Hours.
Why me??
Tylenol. Alcohol.
6 year old boy running up and down the isle. Stands beside me and takes over my hidden object game. Excellent player but kid? You are not invited to play. Mother ignores him/me. Damn cow.
Stewardess AND steward lean into me, apologize. They feel sorry for me. Free drink.
Not enough damn alcohol to fix this one.
Air drummer/guitarist still going strong. I want to hurt him. Bad.
Tylenol does fuck all.
Need to use the bathroom. Front one blocked by cart, start getting up to use back one, mother and two boys jump ahead.
ARE YOU SHITTING ME??
I'm sitting in the seat taking the empty water bottle and smacking my head with it for a different kind of pain.
I'm in a nasty dream aren't I?
Slowwww decent, ears hurting, air guitar/drums rocking both seats now. Four hours of dead tinny noise from his earbuds. Weird crab like movements with his long tapered fingers. This visual is going to cause me nightmares.I know for sure.
Shoot me now. Please.
12 of us deplane before anyone else, rush like crazy people across a large airport to the departure gate.
Plane delayed by an hour.
Really? Fuck you at this point.
Head to Chili's , 9 ounce glass of wine with a taco soup.
Daughter likes the wine and the soup, I only get half the buzz. Oh well, can't handle my alcohol anyway.
Coffee, Tim Horton's. An hour gone. Time to board.
'We apologize for the delay, we can not find a passenger, we will have to deplane all the luggage'
Did I hear you right, you miserable airline? Are you for real??
This is hour 22 of being awake. Feeling shaky, sick. Ears are going to implode. Hoping stupid head will lope off. o
Turbulence ALL the way in the small 24 seater. Can't I just jump now and end the pain?! Please?
Get to home airport, dizzy. Tired doesn't even cut it.
Luggage comes 30 damn minutes after.
Grabbed a taxi and told him to haul ASS or no tip. Take it or leave it, I. don't. care.
Get home. Hour 23.
Kiss 2nd daughter hello, go upstairs and fall face first to bed.
Woken up next morning @ 9 am by recycling truck, with my recycling not out, nor the garbage.
Hair wild with two eyes in same socket, rushing out like a fool. Missed the blue bags, threw garbage out. Gave something for the neighbours to talk about. Stopped myself from flipping a couple of them off. Get bent, losers.
Went to start kettle.
Need coffee. Bad.
Not a FUCKING stitch of milk in the house. I don't drink black.
Meltdown ensued.
Everyone scattered.
Functioning abilities returned...three days later.
Sanity was lost somewhere above the clouds.
If you find it let me know, I'll need it at some point I guess.
you need to come here to rest up!
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