August's Open Letters

Dear Elderly People ,

You were lost, unsure of the area and very much at wit's end, I wasn't about to take your money you offered. I drove slow, made you followed me across city to the hospital you needed to get to. It was my pleasure and the hug I got was worth more than any amount of cash offered.
Signed, 
Sweet on Seniors


Dear Brendan 
Seriously? You are no Romeo and Rachel is no Juliette. Man up, you patsy. If you need help go talk to Jeff. He's got a bead on how to stay a man in a relationship. 
Signed
Stay on the porch, you little puppy.


Dear Coffee drinkers,
Stop racing me in to the coffee shop. It. drives. me. nuts. You ruin my java frame of mind. I could cheerfully 'trip' and spill the whole cup on your lap. Complete waste of darn good coffee on the very deserving.
Signed,
It's always a race to the red light, to the coffee line , to the end of the day.

Dear Life,
Can we just go back, for a wee bit, to a time where picking the right coloured crayon was the biggest decision I had to make?
Signed,
I want a crayon, I don't care if it's the broken one.


Dear Boy,
You are sniffing around my daughter. Tread lightly, I'm older, meaner, pre-menopausal. I'm tired of seeing my offspring hurt. 
Signed, 
Momma 'Sharp Clawed' Bear

Dear Bladder, 
Size matters ya know. So why the hell do you have to be so small? Why do I always have to be chained to within a half hour away from any stupid bathroom? You always cramp my style. Tired of doing the dance with you. ( ha ha get it? dance? the pee pee kind? Damn I'm funny) 
Signed,
Bigger is better.


Dear Air Canada, 
I flew with you because I had no choice. Never. Ever. Again. Might I suggest you look towards your competitor. They know how to do it right. 
Signed, 
WestJet frequent Flyer