Surveys beg for sarcasm, ya?

Don't ever send me those questionaires cause this is what you are going to end up with. Savvy?
P.S. All dry with clean undies now Heather? ;-)

A Friends Survey

1. What time is it?  9:05 in the frikken  rainy mud infested construction zone I live in am

2. What's your name - Depends who's calling out my name. Anything from Mom to Jamie to Bitch

3. What are you most afraid of - Not being able to high karate chop the idiot who threatens my family.

4. What's the most recent movie you've seen- Shrek 3D with  Spankin glasses

5.  Where were you born?  In a hospital bed, I think. I was kinda young, hard to remember

6. Favorite food - Food

7. What's your natural hair color - brunette but these days white mixed in ugh

8. Ever been skinny dipping - does it count when I was 5?

9. Love someone so much it made you cry? - nope I'm a right bitch lol

10. Ever been in a car accident? - yuppers but shhhh my parents STILL don't know.

11. Croutons or bacon bits -both @ the real deal

12. Ever been on a ship - does a canoe count?

13. Favorite Flower - Lilacs- GEEZUS you wanna know HOW long it took me to remember what those damn stupid things were called. Damn. Stupid. Memory.

14. Favorite day of the week? Any day but Monday unless I'm grouchy then Monday suits me to a T- And if that's the case, stay away. Stay far far away. ;-)

 

15. Favorite sport to watch -  Stupidity getting it's own back. Now that there's SPORT.

16.  Warner Brothers or Disney - Dunno, never knew them personally although it saddens me I'm not related, ya know?

17. Favorite restaurant -  ANY, I don't hafta COOK!

18. Favorite drink -  as in alcohol? Gray Goose.Why, hello.  As in not? Water

19. Favorite ice cream - don't eat ice cream but if I had to , I'd pick rich melt in your mouth sooth your soul chocolate with chunks that melt even slower than the ice cream.

20. What color is your bedroom carpet -  bloody friggen boring

21. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest?  well now, we'll just hafta wait and see now won't we, duh

 

22. Who will be the last to respond? the one that does like me and doesn't get to her emails till weeks after.

 

23. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their
responses  - Hello??? didn't you get the memo, curiosity killed the cat.

 

24.  How many times did you fail your driver's test - four, damn cones, stupid mile long ugly ass embarrassing horseshit brown station wagon. ( sorry Mom hee hee ) I 'killed' a person (cone) four times. Ohh damn I's badass eh!

 

25. Last person you went to dinner with - 3 kick ass albeit crazy women, like the um bad crazy kind muahahaha

 

26.  Favorite TV show -  I love the sarcasm of the Big Bang Theory

27.  What do you want to do before you die - Travel, get rich, have wild jungle sex with George Clooney, bitch slap Paris Hilton, twice. :-)

28.  Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail - hmm wouldn't you love to know. Hint: Think Elongation  ;-)

29.  Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  Hmm wasn't around . No one sent me the memo either. haruumph feeling left out here. sigh.

 

30.  Park or Zoo - Zoo, it's fitting, take it from me.

31.  Have you been overseas? -Maybe I just wanna go over the rainbow.. somewhere? Huh? Huh? Why don't you ask me that one huh???

32.  What do you do when you are bored - Go out for coffee, go look for trouble, cause it. Life's short, STIR IT!

33.  What are your favorite colors - Any jewel tone with jewels attached to it preferably :0)

34.  How many people are you sending this e-mail to?  To all my G-unit hommies. So if you get this from me, you've arrived ya know. That's just how I roll.

35.  Your usual Bedtime - anywhere from 8:30 to 11:00. SHUT your pie hole, I'm not 20 anymore.

36.  How many tattoos do you have?  two, one small, one big mutha

37.  How many pets do you have? - 2 f*&$'ing dogs, want the little shits? Free.

38.  Time you finished this survey 9:19am. Took me FOREVER to remember what Lilacs where called. Sigh.. age.

*** I took out the 'what to do 'part here. Honestly, if ya don't know what to do at this point, where the HELL have you been??

Smile , it's picture time :-)

Random pictures  :-)

Aww the little peanut 'pilled' her tea. Not happy was she.(snapped with the blackberry)

And my bowl floweth over. Duh. What was I thinking.. um wait, I wasn't.

Nature's springtime bounty. Purdy.
I'm rooting for those little wee buds, the sun's lending a helping hand.

Ahhh pretty in pink, don't you think?

May I introduce to you a carbon copy of me. Right down to the look on her face. So.. wanna mess with us? She's the baker of our family.. But I'm the meanest. muahahaha  ( oh sigh and the shortest)

See that wee little bagel? My Lil Boo made that, I lie to you not. 2 1/2 years old and a master baker. Like her Auntie Bella. It was the best looking bagel of the bunch, doncha think?

My little spitfire is not proud of her bagel she made now is she. :-)
I assume it was mouth watering good, I wouldn't know. She didn't share.

While I think Starbucks poppy seed lemon loaf tastes delish , itself is warning me about the 420 calories per?? Ohh but so YUM..
(snapped with the blackberry and who cares if the patrons thought I was kooky )

My Excellent Adventure... to come.

'Come on, we both know you can do it!'

'Excellent, look at you go!'

How many times have I said these words in the past five years?

I used to be a personal trainer.. well, of sorts. No, I don't have a degree,. No, I didn't go to school for it. But I probably should have. It seems to be one of my fortes.

I've been into sports all my life, from figure skating to spring board diving, from gymnastics to softball. I worked in a gym for the last five years, I have a gym in my basement.

I'm asked on occasion to be someone's personal trainer . It's not that I can't, it's that I won't. Not in the foreseeable future. I tend to become way too invested in your emotional wellbeing and it comes at a price.

My albatross,I know. 

I reached my breaking point last year when events in September/October came rushing up to bitch slap me. Instinct had me wanting to fight back but I knew the time had come to pick my battles. I had reached my limit of giving continuously without 'refueling'. Not only job wise but with other aspects of my life.

I walked away from a lot of things, I was burnt-out.

So please know turning down your offer to hire me as your personal trainer was very hard.  The instinct to help is knee jerk but I won't be able to give you 100%. You deserve no less. I will give you the tools to succeed and I will celebrate your successes. You'll be able to find me when you look for direction or support. But I need you to believe you have the willpower and determination to do it. I know you do, I see it in you.

I might be letting opportunities (such as this one) go but when the door meant for me opens, I'll know it. I won't just won't cross through, I'll charge it and grab my next adventure by the horns.

Till then, I'm still me. Just chiliaxin', trying to figure out the rhythm of my life and what I want to be when I grow up. And when I figure it out it'll be another excellent adventure.

Question is... are you down for the ride?! 

:-)

And the 'Canatrash Award goes to...

You like the word 'Canatrash' ? just made that one up (sort of) but quite apropos. I'm going to get many made and like the Blue Collar Comedy  I'm going to hand them out where needed. Thanks Bill Engvall of 'Here's your Sign'. :-)

First, let me define 'Canatrash'. Canada's peoples who are ignorant, lazy, mean and lacking any form of grace, style,class or intelligence. ( I came across the word 'Ameritrash (definition #2) ' )  But I am not applying it to the 'white' society only, we are a diversified multicultural society. Ignorance doesn't descriminate in colour, race or culture.

So without further adieu, to some of the People of Canada, 'Here's your award'. 


The first 'Canatrash' goes to the van lady who drove up looking for the closest parking spot. When none were available she reached into the glove compartment ,pulled out the handicap sign and parked in the designated spot. I watched her hop out of the van, not amble out mind you, not struggle out but HOP out and JOG into the store. 
Here's your award. 


A 'Canatrash' to the bloody little wanker who drives around in the dead of night with no muffler and a truck held together by dust and duck tape. Shall I tell you where you belong you bad ass wanna-be? 
Here's your award. 


A special gold edition 'Canatrash' awarded to the person who 'outed' someone very near and dear to me without their consent. I know I've blogged about this but I'm still seething and I didn't have an award for them at the time. 
Here's your plaque. Carry it around, you deserve it in neon lights no less. 


A Canatrash, well now how about a whole schwack of them, goes out to every single member of Parliament who point their fingers at others in session. Get off that moral ground you're standing on, your dirty laundry buried underneath. Is there NO single HONEST one out there? 
Here's your awards, boys and girls. 


Know of a few who deserve a Canatrash? Drop me a line.  :-)

J

Food, places & faces

I thought I'd share what keeps me sane, what drives me nuts, what sets my world to rights.


This is my first born. I call her Bella, aptly named as you can see. She's an old soul,like me. She might be quiet but piss her off and you'll find she's a force to be reckoned with. She's highly intelligent. I HEART her till to the end of time and beyond. :-)


 This is my second born with my beautiful grandbaby, respectively & lovingly called Boo & Lil Boo. Boo is a sensitive like me and she's triumphed over SO much. She'll find her way in this world and take it by storm when she's good and ready. You just watch her!  I HEART the both of them till eternity and back.

These are our dogs and I use the term 'our' loosely. In actuality the white one's my husband's and the black one's my youngest daughter. I had a cat that was my eldest. (R.I.P. Willow) So to be clear here I have NO animals yet I take care of the lot of them. How did I end up in this position?? UGH

My lil spitfire. My impatient bossy stubborn mischievous love of my life. The one that rules the roost when here. The one that turns her 'Papa' to mush, the one that has me wrapped around that teeny tiny pinkie.
The exact replica of my youngest daughter, whom I cursed to have THREE daughters exactly like her. And it looks like she's off to a running start muahahhah. Yes People, there IS justice after surviving raising teenage girls!
This beauty is my 3rd daughter I've always wanted and I figure I have the best of both worlds. I can do whatever I want without the constraints of motherhood. I. love. this. child.

I did say bossy, right? ;-)

My gym. My thinking time. My sanity saver. My hubby set this up for me. Hmm maybe it's his sanity saver? Ha ha .

Using my gym makes me want to eat healthy. Actually I have no choice, both in eating and exercise. I'm hypoglycemic. I have to do both. This is hubby's delicious veggie skewers for the barby. I, however, am not privvy to his special basting sauce. But I can tell you it's mouth watering.

And when I need sun and fresh air, this is part of the path I walk on to get it. It's a long beautiful walk around that lake , but I will also bike it and tackle it with inline skates this summer. I'm an ex-figure skater, can't be that much harder, ya? ha ha I'll let you know.

A cute albeit curious little friend I came across on one of my walks.

Aww a wee little gosling didn't make it. But this is nature and he was a part of nature's food chain. sigh.

Ooospy, sorry Birdie. I didn't mean to scare you..

Now why would I throw in a picture of pots and pans? Because hubby bought these for me and it inspires me to cook and create. Hmmm hubby comes out on top again doesn't he? Smart man.

Last but not least, my husband. Do you like his picture? He does not allow any picture of him on the internet. A bit old school of him but it is what it is. He does NOT want his picture up. So I walked up to him without telling him what it was for and asked him to draw a caricature of himself.
And being the competitive sort he is, he went that extra mile for me.
Note what he thinks is most important to me...
Ok so not so far off but not totally right,eh.
God love that man of mine. I HEART him.