May's Open Letters

Open Letters

Dear 4 Am,

I distinctly remember our conversation. The one about you not coming visiting. Seriously, I don't appreciate your unannounced drop-ins. Go play elsewhere. 

Signed, 

4 am Wannabe flunky.

Dear Drivers, 

What??! You've never seen anyone leaning against a tree with the frame of a kitchen table on some random street corner before? Geeze, not like I'm hookin'. I'm waitin'. For a damn allen key. Next time I see you staring like I'm from the underbelly of the city, you'll be having a quick lesson in lip reading. And you'll pass, I promise. 

Signed, 

Keyless on the Corner

Dear Customer Service Representative @ Ticket Counter, 

I know, I know.. it's been 4 times I've changed our flight plans. It's not my fault, I swear! I've probably paid your week's salary on flight change charges so if you want to address me by my first name, I'm okay with it. A bit embarrassed but okay.

Signed, 

Not So Frequent Flyer.. apparently.

Dear Media, 

Grandmothers are not all long skirted, sweater wearing gray haired people you do your best to portray. Some of us actually wear workout clothes, high heeled boots and gasp! barely there underwear. 

Yeah, I know.. try to wrap your antiquated brain around that one.

Signed, 

Short and Sassy Nammie and yes.. with barely theres .

Dear Kate & William

Don't take this personally but thank GAWD your wedding's over with. And don't be insulted but no one could pay me enough money to get up in the middle of the night to watch your embarrasingly expensive event. 

Signed,

Not even with the PVR

Dear Me

You have been out of sorts since you've come back from your trip out. What gives? Figure it out, work it through. No stuffing your face either, as much as you want to. Therapy shopping I can get behind. Get moving, stores open soon.  

Signed

Me