Fare thee well, 2012.

Stock Photo- Google

So closes yet another year. . .
And I have no idea where it went :-(

I can't say 2012 has been a tough year, I've barely seen it go by.
But what have I been doing since last January?  Sticking my head in the sand, ignoring the general population life?
Where'd it go??

If I was to highlight the events I remember of this year, (which, really, is the whole point of this post) it would go something like this:

One of them, rather one of the more emotional of the year was finding someone after searching for 32 years. . The effects of which I'm still feeling. I get sad from time to time but I also have the ability to draw on long ago memories and take pleasure from it. Which is weird given I have trouble calling up the past for the most part.

Another emotional one was the day I said goodbye to a sweet and dear friend. How I still miss him so.

Yet I've had the absolute pleasure in reconnecting with my past. High school friends of long ago met up for such an enjoyable weekend. It still surprises me how much fun I had and what I took from it.

In the last six months I've watched my daughters take huge steps in their lives. For the better and I couldn't ask for more. It's been a difficult process watching them reach a point where change had to happen but it wasn't me navigating, they were in the drivers's seats.
But now I hold witness to the outcome of these decisions and choices. I've seen changes in both of them, both big and small. Their confidence has upped and they 'have a plan'.
What better gift can a mother ask for?

The last two months of this year I took myself to task. Rotten time to do it, doncha think? Christmas around the bend and here I am counting calories. That's so me, never taking the easy road. But I had to, I had to start caring about 'me' again. And it's been tough, let me tell you. It's so much easier to stop giving a crap about my hair, what I'm wearing, what I'm eating. And by the way, Wow! who'da thunk it was this easy to emotionally eat!? I've never, in all my years, had any trouble with it and 15 lbs later I've put a stop to it. Trouble is, at my age 15 lbs to lose is like 30 to a 20/30 year old. It'll take time and bloody hard work. A revved up metabolism for pre-menopausal women is almost non existent. Because you know. . we've not yet paid our dues in full. Why not pack on the pounds, lose sleep every single night and look like it. Aaaand they wonder why we're a tad cranky at this stage of the game. .
Oh well Rome wasn't built in a day. Those 15 lbs weren't put on in one either.
So here I go, pound by pound, I will slay that number 15. Might take me most of the year but damn it, I'm going to do it just to prove to myself I can. (And if I don't, ohhhh welllll I'm way past beating myself up over things like this. And I'll celebrate whatever it is I've lost. )

Really though, in retrospect I really don't have to search my almost non existent memory for this year's highlights. What matters most to me is my year ends with my three girls and my hubby healthy & happy and me not institutionalized. ( Ahhh some days I tell ya. . *wink* )

In closing I'm not sure what 2013 will bring but hey! Game on, baby!

Pssst- To the powers that be, just throw in some nice surprises here and there.. for shits and giggles, mmkay?

Happy New Year to you my Peeps.
Hopefully 2013 will bring you some shits and giggles too :-)

xo
Jamie

For you, George. Happy December 23rd

The Airing of Grievances 

Hey you! Yeah, you bitches in the pool: You wanted to comment on my daughter as she passed you by to join me in the hot tub? Your hijab didn't hide the snotty ass comments you made to each other. I didn't have to speak your language to understand. I'm a woman too. Albeit nicer, much much nicer. Well okay, maybe not in this case but you had it coming. . . And you didn't expect it did you, you little snots. Quite embarassing being called out publicly I'm sure. Understand this; I don't care if she's 22 or would be 42, no one gets catty about my girls. Especially in front of me.

Hey you! Yeah you asswipe driver. Go back to driving school before you kill someone. Contrary to popular belief (namely your own) you can't drive and text worth shit. I really hope the government allow the police service to issue demerit points if your caught in the year 2013.

Yes, I'm old school. But not old school enough that I don't use technology to my advantage. Yes, yes it's true, I do indeed ignore you sometimes. ( and by 'you' I don't mean you, silly ) Texting is where it's at. I regularly thank the absolute genius who gave us this incredibly useful tool.

I want to get the nerve at some point to go in the mall and holler out, 'Leggings are NOT pants. #1-They don't do SHIT for your ass. #2- They don't do anything for your legs unless you in semi shape. #3- One word: Thongs  #4- And if you insist on wearing them, buy a damn magazine and figure out how they are supposed to be paired.
I want to slap the back of  some young little loser gangsta wannabe's head and tell him his stupid jeans don't look cool half way down his ugly ass skivvies. And he looks like a freakin' penguin walking, only penguins walk with some sort of gait and style.
But mostly? Mostly I want to get in everyone's faces wearing pjs. FYI: You. Look. Stupid.

This chick's got the whole ensemble complete with no socks. 

Another FYI. . . I'm a month away from turning 50. That means several things, one of which is I stop giving a crap it being all about you. All of the time. I'm not bitter but don't wonder if you've not heard from me in a long time. I'm over here, making it about me for a change, and you know what? I like it.

Hey you! Political figure and member of Parliament: At the end of it, you only care about lining your pockets. Kiss my non political ass. Or go lick a cow's ass, it would probably smell better than the lies that spews out of your mouth every time you speak.

Hey You! Yeah, you religious fanatic out there, save your breath. I'm sick, sore and damn tired of hearing the drivel. Read my lips: I'm spiritual, not religious. What I do in my life is between me and Him. No, I'm actually not going to hell. No, you are not one of the 250 that will go to heaven. Who gave you that load of bullshit? Save your ' I'm holier than you' crap, cause baby, you ain't and neither is your religion.

Hey You! Yeah,you Mark Zuckerberg: Can I send you a list of idiots who should be banned from your media site? . :-) Much appreciated.   

To the rest of you, if you can't respect, if you can't be compassionate, if you can't think of someone other than yourselves, if you can't do anything but gossip, if you can't see your own faults while readily pointing out those of others. .
Piss off.

That's all.
Well, for now.

:-)

Happy Festivus.

Picture Post. A 'WTF' edition. . . mostly.

Save me from women like her. Elementary school mom , know it all, over enunciates her words, speaks to make sure she's heard, hisses every one of her 'S's ( my shoulders were touching my ears by the time I left the school.) Facial expressions over the top. A real Martha Stewart who tries to show everybody up and who's kid does NOTHING wrong. And still I managed to shut my pie hole. I so want points for that. 

Who's going to tell the 'boys' what we actually say when we see this? Who's going to tell them we are, in reality,laughing at them? Who's going to ask them if they are compensating for lack of. . . well you know. 

December 22 is supposedly the end of the world. This one came prepared early. 

 Playboy or Gentlemen's Quarterly? You choose.

Sometimes you just gotta laugh. My daughter is like her father. I find things like this at random times. No further explanation needed. 

I may or may not have purchased this wallet for the vintage aspect alone. Yeah. . . it's purdy, ain't it. 

Santa is dead drunk or just dead. Here's your proof.

For Today

For Today

Outside my window... 

it is a November day. Slightly cloudy with the promise of sun. Ask me what that does for me? We've barely had any sun the past month. That screws with a person's trying-to-be sunny disposition. Bad. Come out and play, Mr. Sun, before I'm permanently labelled as the world's biggest bitch grouch.

I am thinking...

of my daughter's upcoming 25th birthday. GULP! Can someone please tell me where she got the colossal nerve to turn such an age? With no warning? Ungrateful brat, can't she think of me and my feelings. . . ? 

I am thankful for...

hubby being home for a week. He's on a 24 day out, 7 day home rotation and working in the gawdforsaken middle of Nowhereville. Not like I can drive the 10 hours to go find him on a whim. When he leaves in a week again, he leaves till the 18th of December.
Oooohh . . . I believe I see retail therapy in the immediate future.
    

From the Kitchen...

All manner of sweet things beckon me. Problem. I can't eat sugar. Uh, big problem, I have been cheating a wee bit. Stupid Halloween's fault. I had ZERO children. Yes, you read that right. Big fat ziltch. Of course the minus whatever it was with the windchill outside didn't make for a happy Halloween for the youngsters at all.
Still. . . their faults I'm STUCK with all this chocolate now. 

I am wearing...

anything but jeans. I'm having a wee bit of a love affair with 'comfy' clothes, ponytail type of look lately. 

I am creating...
well not creating per say. I'm following a pattern. Cross stitch pattern. Purely for relaxation purposes. That and I'm making Xmas prezzies for my three girls. Hush. . . 

  

I am going...

to start planning my 50th bday. Pity party of 1. Don't call me, I'm ripping the stupid phone cord out of the wall. Don't email me, I'll be under the covers in complete denial.
Hey.. it's MY party, I'll cry if I want to.
( yeah, I know.. clever, right?  )   

I am reading...
PINTEREST. No need to say more.  

I am hoping... 
to win the lotto. So I don't have to hide under the covers for my bday. But you still won't be able to call. Unless you want to incur long distance charges in ohhh let's say in Little Brac? (Cayman Islands)  

I am hearing...
hubby starting to pace. I promised him buttermilk pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Guess I best hold my promise. Question is, who'll be doing the dishes?
Yeah... thought so. 
Me.

Around the house...
All the children are asleep, visions of whatever it is adult children dream of dancing in their heads. Best part is, they are sleeping elsewhere. It's just me and hubby. Boo YA! Can you hear the quiet? Ain't it grand!?!  

One of my favorite things...

Coffee.The strong stuff and preferably from Costa Rica. What a lovely caffeine buzz I'm currently riding on. Luuuv it. 

A few plans for the week...
No preset plans for a change. Other than Kickboxing and Full Body Workout classes. And whatever hubby has up his sleeve. 

Here is a picture I thought worth sharing...

I'm willing to drop the sweet things for this! Yummy.  

October PhotoADay- Tough month. ugh.

I found this month so tough to complete, I think it was the the lack of sunshine. 

But I'm happy I pushed through the laziness

I hope you enjoy October's efforts. 

Gnawing on the straps. . .

In an effort not to scream.

Google Image

Honest to goodness conversations of late


* At the restaurant.

-My daughter ( after perusing the menu ): We'll have the Cesar Salad to start, followed by a pizza.
-Young (chatty. Oh joy. Oh bliss) waitress: Okay, I won't write it down even if I got in trouble the other day for it. But I have an excellent memory and it's only 2 things. Ha ha.
- I flag her down after 10 minutes: Excuse me, can we have our salad?
-Waitress: Oh Crap! I knew there was something I forgot.


Are you freaking kidding me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*At home

Daughter: Standing at the sink, changing her position: Ouch! My hip is locking up.
Almost 5 yr old grand daughter: Not ten minutes after a meltdown of epic proportions: Oh Mom, you're such a wah-wah.

:-/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*In queue for popcorn line at the theatre

-Lady behind my daughter - (apparently my daughter didn't move up fast enough): Excuse me but are you in line for popcorn?
-Daughter: turning around, cheek muscle working: Um. . . seriously? ( you mean this isn't the line up for the toilets?? )

Would you like her to crawl into the guy's back pocket standing in front of her?  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*At the drive through coffee shop

-Daughter ordering me a coffee: Medium coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener, half hot water please.
-Girl over the intercom: Okay that will be medium coffee, 1 milk, 2 sweetener , half hot chocolate.
-Daughter: No, it's a medium coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener, half hot water, not hot chocolate.
-Girl over the intercom: Oh sorry, so that's medium coffee, 2 cream, 1 sugar and 1/2 hot water.
-Daughter: Let's try this again, mmkay? a medium coffee with TWO MILK, ONE SWEETENER and HALF HOT WATER. ( she's over enunciating at this point to make herself clearer..? )
-Girl giggling over the intercom: Oh I'm SO sorry. So that's a large coffee, 2 milk, 1 sweetener with 1/2 hot water.
-Daughter: biting her lip and giving up: Large it is.

Daughter drives up to the window takes the coffee, opens the lid and sure as the sun rises, it's half hot chocolate and cream.
I move to have this one fired. Like. . . now. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*At the grocery check out counter

-Cashier: Wow, this cucumber feels rough.
-Me: Um, that's because it's a zucchini. . .?
-Same cashier six items later: What do you call this kind of squash again?
-Me: A honey dew melon. :-/
-You guessed it. Same cashier: I'm sorry, the machine is not accepting your credit card.
-Me: That's because it's a debit card, s w e e t i e.

I give up.

  

Observations from my world today

I have no thinking skills after 5 pm. I'm done. Don't ask me questions or expect me to remember. Anything.
#write a sticky note or ten. On brightly colour paper with thick black permanent marker.

I have no energy after 6 pm. Don't ask me to get up off my duff, I"ll flip you the bird. Which is code for. .you guessed it, Umm, ya..HELL NO.
#unless you are bleeding profusely or are on fire, I can't hearrrr youuuuu.

I have half the patience I used to be blessed with and it wasn't much to start off with. Don't test me at any point during a 24 hour time frame. It won't end pretty.
#ask the idiot salesman that knocks on my door during supper hour.

I love my children ♥, maybe more so before the hour I turn into a bitch. Which is any given hour if they bug me too much.
#g'head.try me.

I love my grand baby all to bits but she is going to put me in the loony bin within two years, give or take 12 months.
#sooner. much sooner.

I curse me not being able to have more than half a glass of wine a day. Between the hours of 3 and 5. It's 7:30 and the effects have LONG worn off.
#Fack.

I am seriously thinking of putting a, errr, wacky tabaky dealer on speed dial. To be able to sleep full nights, you understand. Problem is I don't smoke. Such is my desperation.
#so screwed.

Till this menopausal crap is done, I think I need to go live on an island somewhere. And be the sole inhabitant.
#reachable by smoke signals only.Might ignore you.

Why, I ask you. Why??

(image via google)

Observations of the People of MY Walmart. 

(In the space of an hour. Unfortunately,I can never get that hour back)

-Hey Walmart 'Greeter'. Let's discuss your primary duty. To GEE*ARE*EE*EE*TEE. ( Yes, I'm over enunciating but I need to make sure you understand your reason for being here. ) 

Correct me if I'm mistaken but I don't think they don't pay you to stand there with a sourpuss look on that miserable face of yours. Next time I expect a heartfelt warm welcome to your fine establishment (hmmmm) and a Colgate snow blinding smile. Are we square? 

-Okay Sugar,no. Just no. White tube socks don't pair well with black pumps. I don't give a shit what age you are. 

-Hey You! Yeah, you with the cart. Do you see a steering wheel and gas pedal on that thing? This is not the facking Indy 500. I am partial to my right hip bone, Bitch. 

-Omg Honey. . . Can we talk? 

Fake Baking till you are orange, wrong.

Baby pink poofy coat framing that deep amber. . glow? Wrong again.

Your stiletto wedges on the end of your 4'9" frame with yoga pants? I just don't understand. 

Let me help you.Mirrors in isle 4.

Go. Now. 

-Dude! ( because you clearly deserve the title)  Your short leather doo rag covering your salt and pepper hair I can manage to work through but come on, your 60s are staring you in the face. STOP trying to act like a homie. You look like a hunchback with a nasty rash in the nether regions. 

-To the FIVE people I've seen wearing those gawdfauksaken pyjama bottoms. Freakin' STOP. Take a bloody minute and slap on a pair of pants/sweats/shorts.. hell I don't care, just put something ON.  (and to 40 something year old sportin' a really ugly pair..Geezus, seriously? Bedhead, honey. It's called a brush. And btw, it's also called a bra.)  

-May I ask why are you standing there talking to your oil?? Ummm well, I guess talking is ok. Laughing and shaking your finger at it. . . kinda weird, Sunshine. 

-Um hello, Miss Cashier??? I'm in front of you cashing out. Ergo: Pay attention to ME and my purchases. Not your BFF baggerette beside you. I don't care about what happened to you last weekend, yesterday or this morning nor do I need to hear about it while you ignore me and chat it up with her.   

-And, no, I do not want to donate to this/that and every other charity as I'm cashing out. I wish you people would stop asking. If I wanted to donate, I know where to go.  

Sigh. Some days it's not worth chewing through the straps.  

September Photo A Day

And in no particular order apparently

(as usual click to enlarge)