June's Open Letters

Open Letters

Dear Pimpin' Gangster,
Hypothetically speaking, let's say if you were to do something unlawful or have a meet and bash yo brains in greet, how do you run away with those jeans when the ass is level to the back of your knees? And I have a comment while I'm at it. Sorry if this offends. When I see you 'swagger' by with those jeans I have to laugh, you don't realize you look like a penguin with a limp, do you?
Signed,
Yo Momma

Dear 13 year old pimply boy, 
Thanks for thinking I'm cool for an 'old lady' but I have two points I'd like to make. First is, I'm not old, it's you who's painfully young. Second is, I showed you the very basic of kickboxing, I didn't get into the dirty stuff. Watch who you call old.
Signed,
Not cresting the hill yet. 


Dear U turn dumbass, 
Really? With a van that probably held children?? On a busy road?? Here's your sign, IDIOT.
Signed, 
Rookie Road Cop



Dear Hubby, 
Sigh. Waiting on you again. Every time. I take 10 minutes to get ready. You take 40... ?? 
Signed, 
Put a little gas in it.  ZZzzzzz


Dear Baby Bears, 
Can I say this enough times? You guys ROCK. While we are not the 'Jones' (with apologies to the actual Jones families)  nor the family that used to greet everyone lined up by age and height, ( how friggen weird is that??) we are unique. And I. LOVE. that.fact. Your razor sharp sarcasm I taught both of you? I bow to it, you've surpassed me. I wanna see anyone dare mess with the likes of you.
Signed, 
Momma Bear 


Dear Anxiety Attack, 
Where in the HELL did you come from? I'm not impressed nor do I have the time of day to give to you. Geezus, you're lucky I was home when you showed up, you shithead of an ingrate. 
Signed, 
Fight you to the finish.

Dear Stomach, 
No it's not cool to be famished 10 o'clock at night, there's no reason for it. You were fed  nicely @ 6 tonight. So your hopes of pizza or nachos or toast with gobs of peanut butter are not going to materialize. 
As long as I don't go downstairs.
..... but I'm soooo thirsty though, up here, in my dry bedroom. 
Yes, water. Need water. Put blinders on, ignore fridge. 
Signed, 
Water so...yummy
P.S. broke down, had half a cup of Cheerios and milk. umm happy'ish..?