Empty Nest

For over two decades my #1 pursuit was raising my children well, and now the job is over. Here I stand like a high level, high stress but low paid CEO who's company just got bought out.

What is it with white space that makes you zone out at times. Been sitting here for five minutes staring at this only to realize I've just taken a mini mind vacation.
hmm not bad, not bad at all.
I just managed to chase away reality for a bit. Not that it sucks, I just ...zoned out.
Part and parcel, me thinks, to the sheer amount of thinking I've been doing today.

You see, for the first time in twenty some years, I will find myself alone for weeks on end. Hubby went back to the pipeline today, always a drag but not at the same time. We weren't meant to be together 24/7, both of us can agree upon that. If you are a pipeliner's wife or married to someone in the forces or heck maybe even a doctor's wife, you know what I mean.

Christmas time is a special time though. He comes home, festivities everywhere and he showers me with gifts. Hell,what's NOT to like about that?! But after a couple of weeks, he starts getting the itch to go nomad again and I start looking for my space. Yet I instantly feel his absence the minute he goes.
Can't win for losing can I?

This year ,however, finds me in a different situation. There has always been someone here with me.One of my daughters and/or for the last two years, my youngest with her baby girl. Between work and caring for the two of them, I haven't had much time for me.
I'm not complaining,mind you. If you know who I am, you know I am Momma Bear and will set aside anything for my family, including the Queen herself if she was on her way.
My daughter and grandbaby are more or less gone now, on one hand I'm elated to have 'me' time. On the other, I feel as though I've lost yet another baby. ( I've been gammie/mother/father to that lil beaut ) I know it's not stupid what I'm feeling and I have to go through it but the 'nothing' in my arms hurts.
Shitpissfrig.
I'll work through it, it's MUCH better for my daughter to be on her own with her baby. Both of them will get to know each other in the way it should be.The way it has to be. It's time.
But today when I stopped in briefly and that baby cried when I left without her, it near broke me.
Stupid sap that I am, I cried all the way home. Heart in fragments, arms very much empty. (Sheesh, a tad melodramatic there Jamie, put on your big girl panties already.)
Sighhhh I'll be ok, my daughter will be fantastic and my lil spitfire will run the roost. Ha Ha

Which leaves me ample time. And I'm NOT good with ample time. I've no blasted idea what
to do with it. It bores me. I've long figured out I'm not the stay at home type. I've always worked,I always had places to go, people to get to know and things to discover. At the same time, though, if I don't get to putter around that kitchen of mine, I start getting cranky. I'm not ready to go back to work yet, the last year burned me out pretty well. I'm in a very fortunate position where I don't gotta if I don't wanna.

But true to who I am, I'll work it all through. I've been toying with an idea for a while now and I do believe I made a decision.
I'm going back to school. Hubby's encouraging me to.
I'm sorta back to school already, self teaching myself something I've been wanting to learn. But I want more.
A new language?
Trade?
Dunno but as the saying goes,
The world is my oyster. And I'm going out to play.

Ohhh how I miss my lil spitefire right now though.

Gonna go turn on the tv, put on some music or turn on the damn water tap. Any friggen thing that creates noise. Damn silence is flat out deafening.

Have a great week all.