Surveys beg for sarcasm, ya?

Don't ever send me those questionaires cause this is what you are going to end up with. Savvy?
P.S. All dry with clean undies now Heather? ;-)

A Friends Survey

1. What time is it?  9:05 in the frikken  rainy mud infested construction zone I live in am

2. What's your name - Depends who's calling out my name. Anything from Mom to Jamie to Bitch

3. What are you most afraid of - Not being able to high karate chop the idiot who threatens my family.

4. What's the most recent movie you've seen- Shrek 3D with  Spankin glasses

5.  Where were you born?  In a hospital bed, I think. I was kinda young, hard to remember

6. Favorite food - Food

7. What's your natural hair color - brunette but these days white mixed in ugh

8. Ever been skinny dipping - does it count when I was 5?

9. Love someone so much it made you cry? - nope I'm a right bitch lol

10. Ever been in a car accident? - yuppers but shhhh my parents STILL don't know.

11. Croutons or bacon bits -both @ the real deal

12. Ever been on a ship - does a canoe count?

13. Favorite Flower - Lilacs- GEEZUS you wanna know HOW long it took me to remember what those damn stupid things were called. Damn. Stupid. Memory.

14. Favorite day of the week? Any day but Monday unless I'm grouchy then Monday suits me to a T- And if that's the case, stay away. Stay far far away. ;-)

 

15. Favorite sport to watch -  Stupidity getting it's own back. Now that there's SPORT.

16.  Warner Brothers or Disney - Dunno, never knew them personally although it saddens me I'm not related, ya know?

17. Favorite restaurant -  ANY, I don't hafta COOK!

18. Favorite drink -  as in alcohol? Gray Goose.Why, hello.  As in not? Water

19. Favorite ice cream - don't eat ice cream but if I had to , I'd pick rich melt in your mouth sooth your soul chocolate with chunks that melt even slower than the ice cream.

20. What color is your bedroom carpet -  bloody friggen boring

21. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest?  well now, we'll just hafta wait and see now won't we, duh

 

22. Who will be the last to respond? the one that does like me and doesn't get to her emails till weeks after.

 

23. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their
responses  - Hello??? didn't you get the memo, curiosity killed the cat.

 

24.  How many times did you fail your driver's test - four, damn cones, stupid mile long ugly ass embarrassing horseshit brown station wagon. ( sorry Mom hee hee ) I 'killed' a person (cone) four times. Ohh damn I's badass eh!

 

25. Last person you went to dinner with - 3 kick ass albeit crazy women, like the um bad crazy kind muahahaha

 

26.  Favorite TV show -  I love the sarcasm of the Big Bang Theory

27.  What do you want to do before you die - Travel, get rich, have wild jungle sex with George Clooney, bitch slap Paris Hilton, twice. :-)

28.  Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail - hmm wouldn't you love to know. Hint: Think Elongation  ;-)

29.  Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  Hmm wasn't around . No one sent me the memo either. haruumph feeling left out here. sigh.

 

30.  Park or Zoo - Zoo, it's fitting, take it from me.

31.  Have you been overseas? -Maybe I just wanna go over the rainbow.. somewhere? Huh? Huh? Why don't you ask me that one huh???

32.  What do you do when you are bored - Go out for coffee, go look for trouble, cause it. Life's short, STIR IT!

33.  What are your favorite colors - Any jewel tone with jewels attached to it preferably :0)

34.  How many people are you sending this e-mail to?  To all my G-unit hommies. So if you get this from me, you've arrived ya know. That's just how I roll.

35.  Your usual Bedtime - anywhere from 8:30 to 11:00. SHUT your pie hole, I'm not 20 anymore.

36.  How many tattoos do you have?  two, one small, one big mutha

37.  How many pets do you have? - 2 f*&$'ing dogs, want the little shits? Free.

38.  Time you finished this survey 9:19am. Took me FOREVER to remember what Lilacs where called. Sigh.. age.

*** I took out the 'what to do 'part here. Honestly, if ya don't know what to do at this point, where the HELL have you been??

Smile , it's picture time :-)

Random pictures  :-)

Aww the little peanut 'pilled' her tea. Not happy was she.(snapped with the blackberry)

And my bowl floweth over. Duh. What was I thinking.. um wait, I wasn't.

Nature's springtime bounty. Purdy.
I'm rooting for those little wee buds, the sun's lending a helping hand.

Ahhh pretty in pink, don't you think?

May I introduce to you a carbon copy of me. Right down to the look on her face. So.. wanna mess with us? She's the baker of our family.. But I'm the meanest. muahahaha  ( oh sigh and the shortest)

See that wee little bagel? My Lil Boo made that, I lie to you not. 2 1/2 years old and a master baker. Like her Auntie Bella. It was the best looking bagel of the bunch, doncha think?

My little spitfire is not proud of her bagel she made now is she. :-)
I assume it was mouth watering good, I wouldn't know. She didn't share.

While I think Starbucks poppy seed lemon loaf tastes delish , itself is warning me about the 420 calories per?? Ohh but so YUM..
(snapped with the blackberry and who cares if the patrons thought I was kooky )

My Excellent Adventure... to come.

'Come on, we both know you can do it!'

'Excellent, look at you go!'

How many times have I said these words in the past five years?

I used to be a personal trainer.. well, of sorts. No, I don't have a degree,. No, I didn't go to school for it. But I probably should have. It seems to be one of my fortes.

I've been into sports all my life, from figure skating to spring board diving, from gymnastics to softball. I worked in a gym for the last five years, I have a gym in my basement.

I'm asked on occasion to be someone's personal trainer . It's not that I can't, it's that I won't. Not in the foreseeable future. I tend to become way too invested in your emotional wellbeing and it comes at a price.

My albatross,I know. 

I reached my breaking point last year when events in September/October came rushing up to bitch slap me. Instinct had me wanting to fight back but I knew the time had come to pick my battles. I had reached my limit of giving continuously without 'refueling'. Not only job wise but with other aspects of my life.

I walked away from a lot of things, I was burnt-out.

So please know turning down your offer to hire me as your personal trainer was very hard.  The instinct to help is knee jerk but I won't be able to give you 100%. You deserve no less. I will give you the tools to succeed and I will celebrate your successes. You'll be able to find me when you look for direction or support. But I need you to believe you have the willpower and determination to do it. I know you do, I see it in you.

I might be letting opportunities (such as this one) go but when the door meant for me opens, I'll know it. I won't just won't cross through, I'll charge it and grab my next adventure by the horns.

Till then, I'm still me. Just chiliaxin', trying to figure out the rhythm of my life and what I want to be when I grow up. And when I figure it out it'll be another excellent adventure.

Question is... are you down for the ride?! 

:-)

And the 'Canatrash Award goes to...

You like the word 'Canatrash' ? just made that one up (sort of) but quite apropos. I'm going to get many made and like the Blue Collar Comedy  I'm going to hand them out where needed. Thanks Bill Engvall of 'Here's your Sign'. :-)

First, let me define 'Canatrash'. Canada's peoples who are ignorant, lazy, mean and lacking any form of grace, style,class or intelligence. ( I came across the word 'Ameritrash (definition #2) ' )  But I am not applying it to the 'white' society only, we are a diversified multicultural society. Ignorance doesn't descriminate in colour, race or culture.

So without further adieu, to some of the People of Canada, 'Here's your award'. 


The first 'Canatrash' goes to the van lady who drove up looking for the closest parking spot. When none were available she reached into the glove compartment ,pulled out the handicap sign and parked in the designated spot. I watched her hop out of the van, not amble out mind you, not struggle out but HOP out and JOG into the store. 
Here's your award. 


A 'Canatrash' to the bloody little wanker who drives around in the dead of night with no muffler and a truck held together by dust and duck tape. Shall I tell you where you belong you bad ass wanna-be? 
Here's your award. 


A special gold edition 'Canatrash' awarded to the person who 'outed' someone very near and dear to me without their consent. I know I've blogged about this but I'm still seething and I didn't have an award for them at the time. 
Here's your plaque. Carry it around, you deserve it in neon lights no less. 


A Canatrash, well now how about a whole schwack of them, goes out to every single member of Parliament who point their fingers at others in session. Get off that moral ground you're standing on, your dirty laundry buried underneath. Is there NO single HONEST one out there? 
Here's your awards, boys and girls. 


Know of a few who deserve a Canatrash? Drop me a line.  :-)

J

Food, places & faces

I thought I'd share what keeps me sane, what drives me nuts, what sets my world to rights.


This is my first born. I call her Bella, aptly named as you can see. She's an old soul,like me. She might be quiet but piss her off and you'll find she's a force to be reckoned with. She's highly intelligent. I HEART her till to the end of time and beyond. :-)


 This is my second born with my beautiful grandbaby, respectively & lovingly called Boo & Lil Boo. Boo is a sensitive like me and she's triumphed over SO much. She'll find her way in this world and take it by storm when she's good and ready. You just watch her!  I HEART the both of them till eternity and back.

These are our dogs and I use the term 'our' loosely. In actuality the white one's my husband's and the black one's my youngest daughter. I had a cat that was my eldest. (R.I.P. Willow) So to be clear here I have NO animals yet I take care of the lot of them. How did I end up in this position?? UGH

My lil spitfire. My impatient bossy stubborn mischievous love of my life. The one that rules the roost when here. The one that turns her 'Papa' to mush, the one that has me wrapped around that teeny tiny pinkie.
The exact replica of my youngest daughter, whom I cursed to have THREE daughters exactly like her. And it looks like she's off to a running start muahahhah. Yes People, there IS justice after surviving raising teenage girls!
This beauty is my 3rd daughter I've always wanted and I figure I have the best of both worlds. I can do whatever I want without the constraints of motherhood. I. love. this. child.

I did say bossy, right? ;-)

My gym. My thinking time. My sanity saver. My hubby set this up for me. Hmm maybe it's his sanity saver? Ha ha .

Using my gym makes me want to eat healthy. Actually I have no choice, both in eating and exercise. I'm hypoglycemic. I have to do both. This is hubby's delicious veggie skewers for the barby. I, however, am not privvy to his special basting sauce. But I can tell you it's mouth watering.

And when I need sun and fresh air, this is part of the path I walk on to get it. It's a long beautiful walk around that lake , but I will also bike it and tackle it with inline skates this summer. I'm an ex-figure skater, can't be that much harder, ya? ha ha I'll let you know.

A cute albeit curious little friend I came across on one of my walks.

Aww a wee little gosling didn't make it. But this is nature and he was a part of nature's food chain. sigh.

Ooospy, sorry Birdie. I didn't mean to scare you..

Now why would I throw in a picture of pots and pans? Because hubby bought these for me and it inspires me to cook and create. Hmmm hubby comes out on top again doesn't he? Smart man.

Last but not least, my husband. Do you like his picture? He does not allow any picture of him on the internet. A bit old school of him but it is what it is. He does NOT want his picture up. So I walked up to him without telling him what it was for and asked him to draw a caricature of himself.
And being the competitive sort he is, he went that extra mile for me.
Note what he thinks is most important to me...
Ok so not so far off but not totally right,eh.
God love that man of mine. I HEART him.

More Musings of This, That and Other Things

Driver is pulling back onto the road he had no business pulling off of in the first place.  He's going to cut us off and I call him an unflattering name, not believing the idiot is going to do it. Coming up to the the car with his big 4x4 truck, hubby flipped off  'He can do it, it'll just be the last thing he does with that car'.  

Pet Peeves 

#1- People who feel the need to announce to the world all the good deeds they do...every time they do any. little. thing.  I get it, I get it. The sun rises and sets on you.

#2- Overusage of  ' !!!!!!! '. It drives me batty.

I shopped. All. Day. Long.  People, I'm NOT a shopper. Only for a friend, sheesh. 

I'm killing time at Starbucks , it's been a while. The town I moved to doesn't have a free standing one so I'm enjoying the moment. As much as I LOVE the privacy of my home, I miss the interaction and energy of small groups of people. I'm loving the background noise of the coffee machines, orders being called out, snatches of conversations floating my way. It's relaxing. :-) 

We had a lovely Mother's Day. Both our beautiful daughters with our grandbaby, who could ask for more? My day is complete when I have my family surrounding me. I also had a good friend over with her son. She made awesome pies, brought good wine and a to die for appetizer. The entertainment of the evening, however, was watching her handle a lobster for the first time. Now that there was funny. :-) Kudos to her for managing it with aplomb and a sense of humor. 

Every time my little spitfire comes over for a couple of days I have a good cry after she leaves. She gets back into the tempo of my life in a heartbeat. I feel like I lose her all over again when she goes. My daughter, seizing the opportunity at my weakness, suggests I could take her every second weekend. A for effort, dear daughter of mine. You know how to run with it, I see. ;-)  

I hate my hands, the way they look. Like I've worked hard all my life. Wait, duh... I have. Then I look at hubby's hands. He's worked as hard as me, if not harder. He's got the hands of a 30 yr old. Life's not fair. WTF?

What are your musings of the day? :-)

May's Open Letters

Dear Small Town
I've forgotten what it's like to live in a place like you. I am enjoying the slower pace of life. I was raised in one, and after a 17 yr hiatus, I'm back. Yeah, I'm ok here. :-) 
Signed
Small town gal Revisited.

Dear Me,

Snap out of it, already. You got sage advice today, listen to it. 

Signed

Me

Dear Spring,
And where are you hiding? Come out come out where ever you are.
Signed
Waiting not so patiently anymore.

Dear Neighbour,
I might be new to the block but I think you better brush up on the unspoken rule of parking, everyone seems to be on board except you? Your cockiness doesn't exempt you from basic politeness.
Signed
An Advocate of Fences.


Not So Dear TaxMan, 
Ouch!You cometh, now you can choketh on it.

Signed
Your Bread and Butter.


Dear Little Tree,
You were just planted. Take root, stand strong and declare your spot on my grass. You might not be much to look at right now but you will, in time. Fight, little guy, fight!
Signed
'Rooting' ( ha ha :-p ) for you.


Dear Momentum,
The wheels are starting to turn, albeit slowly, but I'll takes what I can gets at this point. Just don't run out of gas before you get to the first turn, okay? There are several people waiting to ride this through with you.
Signed
Doing my part.


Dear Coast, 
Yeah, it's time isn't it? Coming. Soon. Hang on. :-)
Signed
Water Wench

Sometimes blogging sucks

When I write, I write for me and it truly takes me by surprise when I get complimented on it. I squirm a bit as I'm not known for taking compliments well. However that discomfort is set aside when I'm told they enjoy or relate to what I write. It gives me a deep sense of satisfaction knowing I've drawn the reader into my words. I know myself as a reader, it is what makes me feel good after, that ability. 


Sadly today, I was shown another side to the coin. And I can't say I like it much. I didn't think there was a downside to writing a blog, again I write for myself. So I was equally taken aback when I was brought to task over something I had written. Well now, let's rephrase that shall we. Looking at it, I guess it's no surprise that I was, I can see how this person would of taken it to heart given the situation. But it was a HUGE assumption on their part and they couldn't of been more wrong if they had purposely set out to try to be.


It really really irked me and I think there had to be a bit of an ego involved with that reaction. It's not often I feel like I'm dragged back in highschool bullsh!t and I have to say I don't much care for the feeling. I was never one to get drawn into the drama of it all. 
I know this person will read this, it will probably fan the flames ( that's not my purpose here ) but I'm not about to change who I am for fear of threading on delicate sensibilities. She is young and has a lot of learning left to do. I hope she can take this incident, learn from it and apply it to her future.  I refuse to be held accountable for this mistake made. I've lived too long and paid my dues not to be put in this position.
 
It'll take me a few hours to put in perspective what has happened and I will be able to. That's the benefit of having lived enough situations in life and learning from it. I just hope I can continue to blog as I have in the past, for me. Without thought of recrimination in the back of my mind. 


So with that said, it's breakfast time, I'm hungry and I have a very important visitor coming soon. My Lil Boo.


Happy weekend and Happy Mother's Day all. 


Jamie


P.S. Sorry for the different fonts, I've NO idea why my computer is spitting them out at random. Going to have to figure it out soon, it's distracting.

I Believe!

...if you have a bad ass tat on your forearm for all to see, it loses it's punch when you are hanging it out from the driver's side of a mini van. Ya man, you bad you bad.

...some things look better in theory than actuality, why is that? If you can see it clearly in your head, why doesn't it work in the here and now? 

...Mothers who smoke in their vehicles with kids should be charged with negligence, reckless endangerment and failure to provide for the safety and well-being of a child. Not cool.

...when I comment on a picture of much slimmer I was some years ago and hubby responds, ' and YOUNGER '  the man has a death wish. 

...in stepping outside the box. Hmmmm let's rephrase that, I believe in stepping outside the parameters of MY comfort zone. It's been a while and I have to admit it's a rush, no matter the outcome. 

...Mothers should be honored over the span of a week, not just one day. But hey, that's just my personal belief. ;-) 

...if I slept a decent night's sleep, I would resemble a human more. Well I'd be nicer anyhow. Ugh.

...in wine. Red or White. I'm not fussy. :-)

...one should practice humility, or at least give it the old college try. 

...in holding a secret, I think more people should.

...the farmers are just frikken ducky happy now, so enough ya?

What do you believe?

A love affair with Montreal Style Bagels-in pictures

I'm no where near Montreal Style bagels and I crave them. So I hunted up a recipe and this is the outcome. I've made them several times and while they are not St. Viateur ( to die for bagels from back home) they can actually be in the same ball park. Hurry up tomorrow morning, I'm jonsein'.. bad!

                  The ingredients that are needed. Malt-HARD to find BUT I'm connected.  :-)

                  Bagels proofing and puffing up to their delish goodness

                  Ahhh plump, soft and ready for their bath

                  Being boiled for a very short bit in sweet water, it's what separates  Montreal style bagels by their counterparts 

                  Dipped in sesame seeds, ok ok buried in them-ha ha-ready for the oven 
     

                  Why hello :-)  Coffee with that?

May's Sunday Musings of This, That and Other Things

I have to tell you I'm NO good at walking on eggshells. I last about a day and I'm climbing the walls. It's now a day and a half later and no matter how much caution I use I can't seem to thread lightly enough. So screw it, I'm walking normally. Grab a damn bandaid.

I can live here for the most part of 18 years and not have a problem with my debit card. I go down east for two weeks and I get a call from the powers that be I have an hour to change my password, my card's been compromised. Shitpissfrig. Come get me now, you losers, I'm 'chipped' to the max.A kudos goes out to the task force that monitors this type of crime, they were on top if it in the blink of an eye.

Only where I come from do you cross paths with a fisher, get a few years scared out of you by a partridge two frikkin' feet from you and come across coyote scat , all within a half a mile walk. Discovery Channel push over, this is life in the Laurentians. :-) 

Major Pet Peeve here. Ok so on the grand scale of things, this isn't HUGE but it makes me want to trip the person that's doing it. Why is it every time I go to Tim Horton's for a coffee I get 'raced' to the door? It. drives. me. bananas.

It's clear I am making my way to the door but noooo along comes a fool whipping into the parking stall. I watch him/her make a desperate attempt at trying to shut off the car and grab the wallet at the same time. Whips open the door, and starts in on a mad power walk to beat me. I SO want to trip them.. arghhh. One day... one day.

Booty Pop Undies? Padded Bras? Layers of Make up? What I don't understand is what does she the morning after? Or even during a booty call? Oopsy there goes the push up butt underwear, oopsy off comes the padded bra and Lord help her the morning after's makeup if she didn't wash her face the night before. I wouldn't want to be on the visual end of the before and after.. just saying.

I SO want that cat on the Whiskas commercial.. you know, the one with the midnight black markings against the soft gray. A truly beautiful cat. 

If a person is trying to build a business and they receive an enquiry to what they are hosting, you'd think they would be wise enough to answer A.S.A.P?  Tsk tsk, bad reflection on business standards, or lack there of. This person might talk a loud talk, but hello? walk the smart business walk. Oh well, write me off and I'll be spreading the word. You lose.. I had about four other people interested.


Hmm speaking of Tim Horton's, I want one. Now. Off I go but first I have to lace up my racing shoes *wink*
Happy Sunday all :-)